In the night that his expulsion from Jehovah's Witnesses was to be announced, sd-7 took a Pop Tart, gave thanks to no one, not even Kellogg's, broke it, and passed it to himself, saying, "Take, eat. This means my body, which no longer sits in a Kingdom Hall. Keep chewing this in remembrance of me." Then he took a cup of chocolate milk, stirred, not shaken, with the spoon still in it, and said, "Drink out of it, all of you, for this means my 'milk of freedom', which is to be poured down my throat in celebration of getting out of the Watchtower. For I tell you, sd-7 will continue drinking chocolate-flavored dairy products until he drops dead from a massive heart attack."
For as often as you eat this Pop Tart and drink this chocolate milk, you keep proclaiming freedom from the Watchtower, until it arrives for all. However, what instructions should be kept in mind for this Memorial of Freedom?
First, do not pass the Pop Tarts and milk until after sundown. Be sure to check your local weather reports to determine when sundown arrives in your area. Or just poke your head out the door. Is the sun up? If not, you can eat.
Second, don't be eating steak next to the Pop Tarts and milk, as if this is a common meal. It's not exactly sacred, but...you know, it's important enough that no meat should be consumed before or after the meal. Like with mouthwash, at least wait 30 minutes after eating it, you know? Show a little respect.
As this is the first year of observing this occasion, let us be prompt in our arrival time and invite interested ones, who can all partake so long as enough Pop Tarts and milk are available.
...
Okay. I just wanted to do that. Technically speaking, tonight marks 1 year since I was officially expelled from the Jehovah's Witnesses. I've said far too much here about how tough things have been, just trying to keep my marriage together and having all manner of problems with all that's involved. No more to say on that today.
But it's still a relief, to be able to read, more or less, what I want. And to watch or listen to what I want. More or less. I can have my own ideas and not feel like somebody is over my shoulder or inside my head trying to "adjust my thinking" or whatever. More or less. My wife still seems a little convinced that I would actually consider returning. I've had those moments, but I feel that I need to prove to myself that I don't need the organization and never did. I'm not sure that will ever be settled conclusively unless I'm completely alone again someday, but...today, I'm at least in a pretty decent place, apart from the depression that crops up every so often.
Simultaneously, it is a great burden, to have to make decisions on my own and resist being cajoled back into the cult by my wife, who still wants me to attend the Memorial. this year Which I could do, but it has no meaning for me anymore, as it's not being done according to scripture anyway (since nobody gets to eat or drink unless they're in a special group, yet there is no scripture that says that's how it was originally done). And regardless, the more the world keeps spinning, and the more I just think about it with an objective mind, the more I see that the Bible is probably not what I thought it was after all, and certainly not an absolute guide for living. Maybe at most, it's one piece of a larger moral framework for me and must be understood as such.
I woke up this morning and realized that being an adult sucks. You can make all these big decisions that can blow up in your face, and...nothing but bills to pay and people to feed. That can be a good thing, but it can also be a challenge to maintain. Especially as a sole provider, it's not easy.
But the best thing about it all is, even with the grief that came with discovering the true face of the Society, I feel like I can still take a step back from it and say, hey, it's not really all that big of a deal. You can laugh, you can enjoy life as it was meant to be, and not feel guilty for entertaining yourself or trying to better your mind. That's pretty nice. Even if things continue as they are for me, fact is, it's not really all that bad a way to go. Riding off into the sunset is really all there's left to do for me. I have lived fully, seen enough to know that this world is too savage and too big for someone like me to handle. I look forward to learning what I can in the time that's left, and then leaving this world as all living things eventually do. I know that I found satisfying answers to what was wrong with my life. I needed nothing more than that.
Well...I also want to thank all those who have been so helpful to me in dealing with post-cult existence. The fight for freedom isn't over for me, and it's not over for so many of you. I hope nonetheless that there'll be many more Watchtower-free years to come for myself and for as many of you out there as possible.
--sd-7
