You have some valid points, but I think it is absurd to assume that the entire JW community is putting on an "act." I'm sure many are, but there are probably just as many who truly desire to please God, and their families.
Amac, I don't think every individual in the JW community is putting on an act, however I think the fact that the organization as a whole places such emphasis on behavior, the outer appearances is very significant. It's not about the people who happens to be involved with the organization at any given point in time, but rather the organization itself and how it functions. I do believe there are sincere people, I myself really believed it when I was a witness. And of course, their reason for being good husbands and wifes are not necessarily all external.
And of course it is "idolatry", although that is not a good descriptive, but I understand what your point is. We all are influenced by something or someone, whether you follow Ayn Rand or the Bible. I see nothing wrong with people following the Bible, or Leave it to Beaver for that matter.Regardless of the word of choice, if one "follows" I think they fall into that category. I'm sure you remember talk about bible principles being thrown around from the podium, but why is it that there's so much confusion when it comes to conscience matters, if they really understand the principles? In response to your statement about following the bible and such, I don't think there's anything "wrong" with it, because I don't see it as a question of right and wrong. However, as I was saying it is simply rather lifeless if you just stick to a model. It's like an artist who has been through art school but can only produce works that look like copies of the past masters, and yet there is nothing that can be called his own. I think any aspect of life is similar to this. In the same way, when we look at this desire to be right, do the right things a husband or wife are supposed to do, etc., then you become fixated on this standard rather than acting with any kind of insight.
In fact, isn't this why we have religions deviating from the original core message, important qualities like love and such? It's really rather typical. If nothing else, when you have so many specific rules or strong suggestions on how people are supposed to behave, then you are steering away from the importance of understanding the principles. It's like the whole authoritarian parenting model. If people don't come to maturity here individually, how can they have a good marriage? I'll even grant you that two people may get along at that same level, but it's just kind of sad that neither of them reached their potential by holding this narrow view of living life in the 'right' 'way'.