I will throw some of my experiences into this thread, it helps with perspective.
As a younger girl, I watched as I saw JW couples marry the FIRST person they dated, and never dated until they were "ready" for marriage, but to me, one isn't "ready for marriage" until they actually dated someone and had a relationship!
So they marry young, and they never grow as a couple. My sister did it, I almost did it. My sister was miserable for a while, especially when she had 2 children, it was a lot on her shoulders. Her husband was the one who worked, he didn't help out with the kids, or the house, it was her "duty" as a woman. They worked things out. She was really starting to get depressed and her husband was put in his place, my loving and RARE father and mother talked to him. My sister wanted to take some classes. She is working towards a degree, they both do almost equal work in the house now...and they are happier. Was it the society that helped? No, its the society that tells them to marry young, to marry the first person they date, not allow them to get to know eachother first, not allow them to even be alone.
In my later teens, I vowed to myself that I would NEVER marry a man that did not consider me his equal in very instance. Thats hard to find in the congregation. It was silly to me that I would end up falling in love with a JW guy, especially one like that. Keep in mind, you just fall in love with someone, you don't CHOOSE their religion, their skin color, and in some cases, their sex. So we hot 6 million JW out of 6 billion. Then only have are the opposite sex, then only 1/4 of them are in the age range. Thats 1 in every 8000 people in this world are in the correct catagory. What are the chances that your soul mate (or "the one") will even be in that catagory????
Well I found my love, outside the religion. He is more loving, and wonderful than an JW man could even DREAM of being. Not only do we have an equal relationship, but we are best friends and have a lot of fun with eachother...what JW can claim the same? Not only this, but I do not ever have to be afraid if I so choose to end the relationship. I do not have to fear for my life, fear being poor, or fear that my friends and family will reject be because I got an "ungodly" divorce if I was unhappy. But I think with the relationship I have, its quite clear that I will be with him as long as a possibly can, in a HAPPY relationship.
Happy JW Marriages the Impossible Dream?
by IslandWoman 43 Replies latest social family
-
jwbot
-
amac
I am glad that you are in a loving relationship, however, I do not think that bad or good relationships are exclusive to any religion, race, whatever. You had asked:
Not only do we have an equal relationship, but we are best friends and have a lot of fun with eachother...what JW can claim the same?
When my wife and I were active witnesses, we could definitely claim the same (and still do though I'm not an active JW.) We were, are and always will be best friends and have a mutual and equal respect for each other. I attribute some of it to pioneering together. I was raised in a house where the father worked and the mom went out in service. Dad comes home and gets to relax all evening while mom does all the work. I might have easily followed the same path if it weren't for pioneering. When we pioneered we both had the same schedules and the same workloads, so I couldn't rationalize the old "I bring home the bacon so you do the rest" mentality. I'm glad we pioneered early in our marriage because it taught me all that is involved from both sides. I now work full time and my wife works part time, but I realize that she works all day despite working part time, so come 5pm everything is 50/50. I love my wife and I love my life. It would have been nice to go to college at an early age, but then again I probably wouldn't have married my wife and had my two beautiful children. So I have no regrets about being a JW. Sorry for going off on a tangent, just a slight reaction to the general feel of many on this DB and the idea of hanging on to regrets. -
OUTLAW
Happy JW marrages? I haven`t seen many..WBTS teach`s people to turn on their mates should they go against the teachings of WBTS..I`ve seen it more than a few times...OUTLAW
-
mindfield
Well, my parents have a happy marriage, and so does my sister, but from what I've heard from my two cousins, my uncle and aunt aren't as lucky. During a heated discussion with my disfellowshipped cousin, he told them that the JW policies are responsible for their less-than-perfect marriage. From what I've heard, he said something like "If you weren't JW's, you could have dated other people, and could have had more chances of having a happy marriage." Needless to say they didn't comment on that one.
However, I must insist that my parents and sister are happy with their marriage. There are some misfires, but not all miss the mark...