I am going back in order to:
- wait until the prayer begins and then strip off and dance down the aisles shakin' ma junk, with a quick change back at my seat before the 'amen'. Deny anything vigorously if questioned by the elders afterwards, saying, 'But how could you have seen anything anyway? Weren't your eyes closed?'
- set up my drumkit in the second school during the public talk and then jam along to the middle song.
- bring some cheese, pickles, butter and a knife to the memorial, so I can properly enjoy partaking of the emblems.
- casually mention to an elder before the meeting that I have developed Tourette's Syndrome, then answer up frequently in the Watchtower study.
- sing the songs one word ahead of everyone else, and in falsetto.
- wear mascara and lipstick and get my ears pierced. If the sisters can, why can't I?
- take my dogs on field service, wearing coats with 'John 3:16' printed on.
- dress in exactly the same manner as Charlie T. Russell, long frock coat, long beard etc. Just payin' ma dues bro!
- get there real early, hide behind the curtain on the platform, and periodically cough throughout the public talk.
- make every comment a well-known yet relevant song lyric. Eg "Wo-ohhh, we're half way there now, wo-ohhh, living on a prayer." "Umm... yes indeed thankyou brother, prayer is vital for us in these times. *cough* Paragraph three please."
- after every scripture the speaker reads, call out, 'Praise the Lord!', and nod vigorously and triumphantly while fanning myself with my Watchtower.
- go to the convention in fancy dress, but still having a name badge. Maybe as a big yellow chicken, or as a lady. Might need to lose the beard.
- learn Bible truth. Oh no, wait... oxymoron.