I became a Christain at the age of 9. Not by going to a church or asking a preacher to baptize me, or anything like that. I just did it on my own. I started reading my mother's King James Bible cover to cover at the age of 8. My father was very abusive and when he was abusing me, I would close my eyes and pray. I never hated my father, which is one good thing I got out of prayer.
When I turned 13 I became a lay preacher and traveled, on my own, preaching in any church that would let me.
When I was 15 I studied with the JWs and was baptized after four months of study.
I was a zealous Christain but not a zealous JW, according to them. I never "reached out" to become a ministerial servant or elder. I pioneered a few times, but nothing special. I NEVER asked for money in the field service. Usually I just handed out Bibles. I was constantly "admonished" about this and I would always say "So, you are telling me that I cannot talk to people about God and the Bible?".
I was, however, a giving Christain. When anyone had a major problem and I heard about it, I was there to help. Once, an elderly sister's house burned down and she had no insurance. And the "brothers" were doing nothing to help her. At the KH they were taking up money to buy the district overseer and the circuit overseer their new vans and new RVs, even though the "old" ones were not that old and still very much useable. When they asked for someone to make the motion to raise the money, I raised my hand and they called on me, and I said "I recommend that we raise $30,000 and help Sister So-And-So rebuld her house and we let the circuit and district overseer continue driving their almost new vans a few more years". They turned my microphone off and no one would second the motion. They tried to make me go in that back room to "talk to me" about having done this. I refused to go and said that the entire congregation needed to hear the logic behind denying this poor, faithful sister our help while we help people who don't need our help. I said I would be glad to talk about it out in the open where people could hear us but I was not going to be railroaded in the back room. They tried to bully me into it and I said, "Unless you are going to fight me and overpower me and take me in that room against my will, I am not going".
Anyway, I was giving this way, and the JWs are not giving.
When I was 36, I suffered a shipwreck of faith and I stopped reading the WTBTS publications and I got several very well thought of Bible versions, not the watchtower Bible, and several well thought of Concordances, and I started studying the Bible in a way that I never had before.
And I came to this conclusion. If you are a Bible believer you won't like what I have to say.
The Bible has parts that are total fantasy, and it has parts that are sort of based on actual events but the way the events are presented, what is being said is a lie, the purpose of the lie is to cover up terrible atrocitiies committed by the Hebrews or Jews or whatever you want to call those people.
If you skip the creation mythology and the "slaves fleeing Egypt and the parting of the Red Sea and the wandering in the wilderness for 40 years" mythology and go straight to the beginning of the conquests and genocide committed by the Israelites what you see is a long list of partly historical events which are enshrouded by lies. The purpose lf the lie is to change brutal murder into an act of holiness. Huh?
If you have a slow Sunday afternoon sometime just take the Old Testament and start at the first battle after the Israelites wandered around in the desert and go forward, and write down every atrocity that you find. There are three different kinds of atrocities. Wars, battles and random violence committed by "God's people" against innocents who had no idea why they were being raped or murdered.
The New Testament claims that "God is love". The Old Testament shows "God" as being a homicidal lunatic, but committing the homicide because it is the "right" thing to do.
I'm sorry, none of this nonsense convinces me that "God is love". I will give you just one thing that I cannot resolve about the Israelite story. So, if God is all mighty, all merciful, all loving, etc., why murder all the people living in the "promised land"? Why not make the desert where the Israelites have wandered for 40 years the promised land and use God's power to turn it into a thriving area? Or show the Israelites how to turn the desert into a thriving area? We know how to turn desert into a thriving area today. Granted, it is not easy, and it takes a lot of work. But, look at the difference in the two stories. In the Bible story God says "here is the promised land" and what follows is story after story of genocide, murder, rape, theft, and other crimes committed "because God said so". If God had instead given the Israelites the unpopulated desert and they had turned it into a thriving area, then the story would be "The Israelites worked hard under God's guidance for N number of years and turned the desert into the thriving area that we see today". Which story is more persuasive that "God" is a good guy?
Okay, so I read the Bible many times and studied it thoroughly with Concordances and looked up the events in historical sources and became convinced that the Bble is lies, half truths, and fables.
What about "God", then?
As a JW I believed their nonsense about how the universe was constructed. When I stopped reading their literature, I started studying from non-JW sources on the theories of how the universe was created. No one knows for sure, of course, but there seems to be two basic ideas. 1) The physical universe has always existed, and will always exist. Or, 2) the physical universe came into existence at some point. I am using the term "physical universe" for a reason. If the physical universe came into existence at some point, then prior to that there had to exist a pure energy universe because you can only get the physical from energy, as in E=MC2.
I don't know the answer to this. People have theories but can anyone "prove" it? I don't think so. So, what does this have to do with "God"? The "God" of the Bible has human characteristics. But, that is impossible, there was no planet Earth at some point, no planets at all, how could God and man have the same characteristics? Instead, I think that there is a First Cause, there is something that caused the universe to be. If you assume that the physical unverse came into being at some point, then prior to the physical form there had to be a pure energy form, as in E=MC2. So, the First Cause existed with no physical universe. Therefore, I don't think that this First Cause has human qualities. It cannot have human qualities. What is it? I have no idea. Did it inspire humans to write the Bible? I hope not, because that means that the First Cause is an extremely violent psychopath.
I can see nothing that shows that the First Cause has interacted with humankind. Besides other people saying "God told me this and so", what proof is there? Take the Bible. Christains claim that the Bible is inspired by "God. How do we know this? "Because the Bible says so", according to the Christains. So, we ask "And, we can believe the Bible, why?". And the Christains respond "Because God inspired the Bible". We then ask, "And, how do we know this"? To which the Christains respond, "Because the Bible says so".
I don't believe that the Bible was "inspired" from God. If you read the Bible honestly you see that it is ridiculous. Fables, horrific crimes passed off as the actions of "God's children", and made up stories presented to us as "the word of God". Seriously? The Creator of the Universe writes a book for us and it is this nonsense? I don't believe it.
What is the answer to where we came from? I have no idea. Nor does the Bible. Nor do any other humans. The closest that I can get to it without sounding ridiculous is that the First Cause caused the physical universe to come into being, and then humans came into being. Given how different a creature, who could cause the physical universe to come into being from a pure energy universe, would be from humans, this creature cannot be the "God" of the Bible.
Does this creature even have an individual personality like we do? I have no idea. But, obviously it does not think that we are worth interacting with. Or, it cannot interact with us. Or, it is so different from us that the idea of it interacting with us makes no sense. I say this because the First Cause is not interacting with us. Show me one place on Earth where the First Cause is interacting with humanity in a way that all humans can see it and believe. Oh, you can't show me that. Of course not, it has never happened.
Here is what Christains want us to believe. The First Cause made the Earth and made mankind. Then the First Cause told some murdering lunatics the true story of who we are and who the First Cause is and what all this means, and the murdering lunatics wrote it all down. And, now the only proof that we have that any of this "God" stuff happened is the book that the murdering lunatics gave us. How convenient.
Here is what some spiritual people that I have a lot of respect for told me. And this story is as old as humankind. And, as far as I can tell it is the first story of where we came from and what this all means.
Before the physical universe came into being there was an immaterial universe of pure love. The First Cause made the physical unverse. When we die we go back to the immaterial universe of pure love. We do this to become better at showing love. Now, I don't understand this explanation and have a hard time putting it into words but the people who shared this with me are very loving. Really loving, not the fake love of most "Christains". Not that that means they are correct. I don't know that this is true or not.