by Nickolas 34 Replies latest jw friends
WasBlind..
My children were never in..My Mrs and I successfully faded before they were born.
Although she still clung to many of the WBT$/JW beliefs..She still does..
I wouldn't let WBT$/JW Literature or Religion into my Home..
So my good JW Family made sure I paid the price..
The WBT$/JW Cult tears families apart and they will use your own family to do it..
.....................
...OUTLAW
Elder in the 80,s. Things may be different today, but when
I was A elder if A brother or sister commit adultery we counsel
them too forgive, we point out that others in the Bible have
done for worst etc. But apostasy that,s A different story, they
believe not only are you A danger to your wife but to the
cong. I believe they take A hard line approach. Maybe
recent ex-elders have A different veiw, again I left in 1985
as A elder.. A different Org. today..
The law here says when a woman seeks a legal separation from her husband she is entitled to half the family's net worth and I would not stand in the way of her getting it. Her lifestyle wouldn't skip a beat, so that's not a factor. I don't think it would come to that anyway. She would simply leave and find someone to stay with, as she has stated to me not so long ago, but only if I asked her to and then only under great emotional duress. Whether or not she would do so if advised by her cong (or, as you point out OUTLAW, by her uber-JW-elder brother and SIL, or her MS nephew, or her bethelite nephew) is something I can't read clearly, but I doubt it. More likely unless I asked her to leave she would stay, carry on with her activities, with which I have already told her I will not interfere as much as I may disagree with them, and continue the painful stalemate. If I ratcheted up the pressure (as I am contemplating doing) and the elders reacted accordingly she'd be miserable, but would chalk it up to the price one sometimes has to pay for being in The Truth and she would continue to hope that she may somehow one day save me.
My wife is a wonderful person, far better than I am in many respects. She's completely devoted to the Watchtower but keeps a low profile around me. Her literature never leaves her sewing room except when it's hidden inside her bookbag, she never preaches or finds fault and she bends over backwards to please me, so long as absolutely nothing she does or fails to do can be construed to contravene the expectations, doctrines and teachings of the Watchtower. That, of course, is where the problem lies and where my cooperation and tolerance are wearing dangerously thin. We adore one another but we're not happy and I still haven't figured out how to break this thing open. It's heartbreaking to see her unhappy and to make her even more unhappy has no appeal. My original question is more out of concern how it might affect her than me.
Nickolas..
Just speak your mind to your Mrs..That should get the elephant out of the room..
Ultimately your going to have to Agree,to Disagree..
It would be a Shame for the WBT$ to rip one more family apart..
(or, as you point out OUTLAW, by her uber-JW-elder brother and SIL, or her MS nephew, or her bethelite nephew) is something I can't read clearly,
I can read it for you without ever meeting any of them..You are dispensable in WatchTower World..
Should they decide to turn on you..
They will leave no stone unturned,in their War against you..
In WatchTower World..
Your own Mother would Cut your Throat..
..................... ...OUTLAW
You don't say what your marital/living arrangements are - so a context for giving advice is missing and advice will be limited.
As an elder, ex-Bethelite (and more), I will generally advise the following:
First, Shut the F**k up! Don't say anything that could get you in trouble. If you have said too much already, claim depression! You were just feeling down and will go to a doctor to get help.
Secondly, Do something you can cite later. Drive your dear wife to a Sunday meeting. Bug out during the Watchtower Study, if you need to do so. Cite a 'phone call emergency'. Come back and take her home. .
If confronted, be pleasant and lie your a$$ off. The Governing Body? The Faithful Slave? A great bunch of guys. I'm sure their jobs must be difficult.
If the above proves difficult to bear, do it anyway, for the present moment. Give yourself enough time to figure out what you really want and how to obtain it.
metatron
Nick I'm in a very similar situation as you my friend. Not easy at all. I know what you're going through.
Nothing worse in the world then loving someone but knowing you can't ever again make her feel happy as she felt before.
Hang in there.
I've heard you loud and clear, OUTLAW, and I know it to be true. These same people are shunning their son/brother. I'm nothing in comparison.
Just speak your mind to your Mrs..That should get the elephant out of the room..
Ultimately your going to have to Agree,to Disagree..
We talk about the elephant from time to time. She knows how I feel. By ratcheting up I'm referring to further distancing myself from the Watchtower, including her friends and some of her family.
metatron, I'm not a JW. My wife became one (33 years ago) after we were married (37+ years ago). I've been battling this thing since. Thanks for your advice, but does it now change?
There must have been something greater than what the WT had to offer for the marriage to last 37 years.
Could it be that if it wasn't the WT it would have been something else
Nickolas
I too am in a similar situation. Also was an Elder for about 10 years. My wife actually agreed to go to marriage counseling, as whenever it comes up that I no longer believe the same as her it can escalate into WWIII. Am trying to make an appt this week. It sounds like you love each other and I really think that you can find happiness and stay together. But you have a right to live your life and your beliefs should be respected just as much as hers.
Good luck, I will pray for you both right as soon as I finish typing this.
" My wife is a wonderful person, far better than I am in many respects. She's completely devoted to the Watchtower but keeps a low profile around me. Her literature never leaves her sewing room except when it's hidden inside her bookbag, she never preaches or finds fault and she bends over backwards to please me, so long as absolutely nothing she does or fails to do can be construed to contravene the expectations, doctrines and teachings of the Watchtower. That, of course, is where the problem lies and where my cooperation and tolerance are wearing dangerously thin. We adore one another but we're not happy and I still haven't figured out how to break this thing open. It's heartbreaking to see her unhappy and to make her even more unhappy has no appeal. My original question is more out of concern how it might affect her than me."
Nick,
If she bends over backwards to please you, and you adore her
I truly hope the two of you can work things out. Like Outlaw,
I would hate to see your familiy torn apart.
