Seeking counsel from active or former Elders / COs / DOs

by Nickolas 34 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mad Sweeney

  Just to clarify Nick's situation for those who don't know the back story. He is not and IIRC, never was, a JW. There is nothing the congregation can do to him except via his wife.

  Nick, the shunning practice is hateful and disgusting. It is SO obviously for the protection of the organization, keeping the rank and file oblivious to the thoughts and feelings of the DFd person, that when they couch it in the language of their twisted version of "love" it makes me want to puke.

  But what exactly is your goal in the immediate short term? Would you like your wife to soften her stance on shunning? If so, perhaps finding examples of JWs who are in good standing who are moderate on the issue. I know a MS in good standing who does pretty much everything with his DFd son and his wife and their kids - all worldly. Family associations are a conscience matter, unlike the shunning doctrine for non-relatives. Perhaps you can appeal to your wife to exercise kindness that you know exists within her to attenuate the sense of justice in her Borg-trained conscience. I don't know. It's a tough row to hoe.

  Good luck. Don't let the Borg ruin your marriage.
• 

  Nickolas

  Thank you Weana, Viola and sir82. It all comes down to individual human nature, which is difficult to read if you don't know the players well.

  You read the situation correctly, MS. Your advice appears to be sound but I have distanced myself from Watchtower society so would not know how or where to begin. The thought of engaging the Watchtower hierarchy in this conversation, however, is not appealing. (Is it a coincidence that your initials are MS?)

  As a bit of an update we had a conversation about the shunning issue last night. It didn't go especially well, mainly because I have difficulty remaining impassionate about things I'm passionate about - see InterestedOne's contribution. I'm not very good at this, never have been. Her defenses went up, nothing got through and today it is as if the conversation never happened. No heat, no chill, just business as usual. Like water off a duck's back. Her mind is inpenetrable.
• 

  wasblind

  Mornin' Nick,

  I was thinkin' scince you and your wife have a good relationship other than the WT thorn

  could it be possible for you to accept the things you can't change about her, It's evident

  she know how you feel and she do try to keep these things out of your way. To me it

  seems like she's trying to keep peace. I truly understand how you feel about the shunning

  you think when things cool off , just pick out one particular thing ( shunning ) and tell her

  how you feel ? Maybe you can butter her up first by telling her the things you appreciate about her

  you know, put some honey on it
• 

  Mad Sweeney

  You read the situation correctly, MS. Your advice appears to be sound but I have distanced myself from Watchtower society so would not know how or where to begin. The thought of engaging the Watchtower hierarchy in this conversation, however, is not appealing. (Is it a coincidence that your initials are MS?)

  I understand about engaging Borg members. I was hoping perhaps you might have enough exposure through your wife to say, "See? Look at Joe Smith. His kid's DFd and they don't shun him," but if you don't have anyone to reference, digging to find some would be an awkward and possibly futile task.

  The JWs shun in a crazy wide variety of ways, even within families. I have family members who treat DFd relatives just like anybody else and I have family members who treat DFd relatives like they're WORSE than anybody else. And the hard liners are constantly pressuring the moderates to convert over to the extreme view and behavior. From the outside, it's completely nuts. To them, it's "a loving arrangement from Jehovah."

  As for my name, it was chosen with care. No coincidences.
• 

  Nickolas

  Thanks, MS. One valuable takeaway from your contributions to this thread about which I was previously unaware is that shunning of a family member is a conscience matter. I am not at all sure it will change anything, since my wife completely rejects the newer allowances made to the blood doctrine that is also a conscience matter, but it will be an avenue to explore.