I'm a Mess (page 3)

headisspinning

I appreciate what ALL of you are saying. Thank you so much!

I read somewhere on here that you said that you are full of guilt. There is only one thing you can do about guilt. You can try to make ammends for whatever you did. If that is possible. It might be, might not be, I don't know the situation. Forget about feeling guilt toward the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, they are liars. I'm talking about guilt felt toward another person (or people). Sometimes you can make amends, sometimes you cannot.

The one thing that you can do is be as good a person as you know how to be and learn how to be a better person. You won't learn that from Jehovah's Witnesses or from the Bible.

I did very bad things toward my ex wife. I am ashamed of them. I tried to talk to her about it but she won't talk to me. I don't blame her, really. But, I have done things for her through other relatives, I don't know if she knows it was me or not. Doesn't make up for what I did before, I know. I also changed how I behave. Changed a lot. I went to everyone who knows me well, everyone who matters to me and I told them that I was sorry for things I had done. They all hugged me and told me not to worry about it. My mom, my brother and sisters, my grandmother, my aunts and uncles, several very good friends, my children. It was not easy to do. One thing I found out was that no one was judging me as harshly as I thought that they were. No one was judging me at all. The Watchtower society likes to make us think that we are constantly being judged. The governing body are cruel, evil hearted people. I despise them.

One thing that I do know is that you cannot get peace of mind through the Jehovah's Witnesses. They don't want you to have peace of mind. There will always be something that is wrong. You don't go in service enough. You don't study enough. You don't contribute enough. Always something.

Something that I learned the hard way. The truth of how to be a good person does not come from any book. It is hard to explain exactly. I found this piece of mind and everyone in my family likes who I am now. It took a while to get here.

lifeisgood

headisspinning,

Ah, I read that you were talking about the spiritual paradise, how God had done that for you. The spiritual paradise does not exist. It is a lie. I have lived with aboriginals who had no words in their language for lie, cheat, steal, hurt, hit, fight, argue, envy, jealousy. They had no words for these things because they never did them. If someone had a problem the entire village was in tears. They were happy and loving. This was as close to a spiritual paradise as I have ever seen and what Jehovah's Witnesses have/do is nothing like this. It is a lie.

Aussie Oz

I screamed at 'Jehovah', i begged him, i cursed him.

i prayed, i cried, i prayed to die.

He does not care about humans at all. He is not at home. He is likely some place else in the cosmos playing billiards.

The sooner you believe in your own strength and ability to control you life the sooner you will heal.

when you have healed you will soon see an amazing number of good things still happening that you once attributed to this 'jehovah'.

oz

Lozhasleft

Head is spinning - Reading CofC is going to have a painful effect but you will come out the other side. On the contrary to some posters I want to reassure you that Jehovah/Almighty God/ Creator is alive and well and still 'there' for you.

Please I URGE you to go and read Ezekiel 34 - the whole chapter - let God's word speak to you about how he feels about you and about the uncaring elders. All you can pray for right now is that you are able to cope with your distress, keep your faith and get clear vision. Let the rest take care of itself.

I'm sending you love and hugs and look fwd to hearing what you think of Ezekiel.

To Jookbeard - why would you want to kick someone when they're down? what do you think that's saying about the person you are?

Loz x

Mad Sweeney

Just keep reading. Crisis of Conscience is like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY

Hurts for a few seconds but it's just what we need.

pirata

It is normal to be a mess. Are you familiar with the 5 stages of grief? ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model )

When I first started to get suspicious about the authenticity of some of "my" beliefs, I decided to "make the truth my own" and make my faith stronger through study. I allowed myself to consider 3rd party supporting material as well. It was disturbing to say the least. I started to pray something like this: "If I am in the true religion, please help make this clear to me; if this is not the true religion, please make this clear to my spouse". Neither of these has happened.

One thing that I draw comfort in is the concept that it is okay to not know all the answers. Before I used to draw comfort from the fact that all the big questions in life were answered for me and I didn't have to think about them. Now I draw comfort from the fact that there are probably no definitive answers, so I needn't be overly worried about finding them. As far as I can tell, all the "answers" out there are the guesses of other men, some more valid than others, but all equally guesses.

Reading Ray Franz's "In Search of Christian Freedom" and talking to other Christians on this board, as well as Jesus words, "where two or three are gathered together, there I am in their midst", I am more comfortable with the idea that there probably isn't any one religious group that is the "right one" on this earth. There are "good" people and "bad" people in each group. You don't have to belong to a group to be "good" or "bad". If Christianity is true, I think there are "true" Christians found in all groups, and "false" ones as well.

I honestly don't know if there is a God, and if there is, if he has established a set way of worshipping him, or if he even wants to be worshipped. The fact that there are substantial religious groups out there, Christians, Muslims, etc. that think God is going to kill everyone else, raises red flags in my mind. Finding God in the "right" way seems to be somewhat of a random event. If Islam is right, and you're born in a Christian world, you're unlikely to ever become a Muslim. If Christianity is right, and you're born in a Muslim area, you're unlikely to every become a Christian. If JWs are right then only 99% of the worlds population, including those who have never heard "the truth", are going to be destroyed. It does not seem logical, fair, or reasonable to me.

You're on the first step of your journey, don't make any impulsive decisions. Don't be too quick to latch onto another set of beliefs until you've had time to really think and process things.

OnTheWayOut

Children want to believe in Santa Claus. They want to believe Daddy is virtually Superman.

They grow up to realize they are better off to know there is no Santa and Dad has plenty of Krytonite weaknesses.

It doesn't just get better right away. Sorry you have to go through all this.

Ray Franz managed to write in just the way we needed to read it to keep us hooked without just throwing such apostate sayings into the fire.

Lozhasleft

OTWO you're right ...he wrote it exactly right for all of us.

Loz x

I'm a Mess

poopsiecakes

headisspinning

lifeisgood

lifeisgood

Aussie Oz

Lozhasleft

Mad Sweeney

pirata

OnTheWayOut

Lozhasleft

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