Dear Julia - I'm going to share a true life experience with you - it will have your head spinning literally - but maybe it will help you realize you are not alone and that our loving Heavenly Father is very tender and merciful. He truly cares and He also understands. I myself wasn't so merciful and understanding about this couple even though I loved them as individuals. I now wish I had been. Here is the story.........
Once upon a time in a place far far away and long long ago - with that kind of beginning I could insert the name of David and Bathsheba there - hadn't meant to use that example actually but maybe it is even a better one than the one I was going to share with you. What David did was wrong - no two ways about it - and one wonders how much complicity Bathsheba shares in the events too. David even added to his problems by getting further involved in wrongdoing - your hubby hasn't gone there so give him a round of applause for that - but did Jehovah abandon David? Did he abandon Bathsheba? No he stuck right with them and helped them work it out. Yes there were bad consequences and some of those consequences followed them all their lives. David suffered great heartache for what he did and Nathan gave it to him pretty point blank with his little story about stealing a sheep - a very much loved sheep from a poor but faithful man - but meditate on this one deeply - David ended up growing through this experience - he begged Jehovah for a clean heart and a new spirit and it was granted. It will be granted to you also - not necessarily through the WTS - in fact it looks pretty doubtful at the moment it is going to come thru their channels. But sorrow can enlarge the heart and teach you more compassion than you even had before. You may even experience your children turning on you like David did and like the children I am going to tell you about in my modern day example but you will survive inspite of the GREAT SORROW!
And the most beautiful ending to the above episode I really want you to dwell upon - Jehovah still used David's line for the Messiah. And get this - he even honored this "adulterous" relationship further by allowing the Messiah to track through David and Bathsheba together - he didn't have to have done that - David had lots of other wives. Does that tell you something about Jehovah's loving mercy and kindness. He doesn't reject us just for mistakes - even serious mistakes - a broken heart and a crushed spirit are all the sacrifices He has ever asked and you have both shown you have that. Buoy up!
The modern day story - and I am only a bystander in this story - a witness - there once were two people that just clicked - that were just meant for one another. But they were each married to other mates that did not produce happy unions. The two met each other because the man's wife had become best friends with the sister that clicked for him. The man's wife saw that there was a deepening bond forming between her husband and this sister. Yes - that part of the story is bad - not good at all. Both individuals already had families with their respective mates. The sister went to the elders and told them what she sensed was happening but she even went further - she accused her husband of immoral relations with her best friend. The truth of the matter is that had not happened but the elders invited the brother in for a talking to - of course they struck a very sore and sensitive spot and the brother in his guilt for the fact that there really was a bond emotionally developing said some very unkind indecent things to the elders - he lost his cool. So inspite of the fact no adultery had really been committed he was disfellowshipped. His wife divorced him and found another. He was in the pitts - and suicidal to boot. He loved Jehovah with all his heart and felt he had dishonored God and Jesus Christ but at the same time he hadn't meant to and he had not committed "the act."
Well of course the friendship between the two women blew up - finished, gone, ugly - but the brother had no job, no place to live, and was suicidal. So what does the sister do with whom he had been forming the deep emotional ties - you will find this part of the story hard to believe but truth is stranger than fiction - she finds him a free cottage to live in right across the alley from she and her husband who lived way up in the sticks, the country and all that the brother would have to do is keep up the place, protect it from being further vandalized and also keep up the yard to the big old house of the owner who no longer lived there - just visited now and then. He lived in town now but his mother and father had come from the old country and established a home there - in fact several dwellings for various ones of the family to live in as they grew up and married. The place had deep sentimental and emotional ties for him. But the mother and father had passed away and all the families had moved into civilization. It was the perfect scenario. So the brother accepted and took the place. He was DF'd so technically not allowed to speak with the sister who was still married to her husband and one day he was about to commit suicide and she walked across the alley and knocked on his door - prevented the dastardly deed. No they did not get sexually involved. But the tie ever deepened because of her saving his life.
The brother worked hard at being re-instated and was successful. Then he and the sister and her husband became very friendly. Every weekend they would have him over for dinner and attend a movie together or some other social thing. The sister's husband had never been a good fit for her - truth is she had not even truly loved him when she married him - he had rescued her from off the streets and living with him was better than out in the cold. Then she began to study and in order to get baptized she was told she would have to marry the guy - how many times have I seen this backfire - so marry they did but he didn't join the WTS for many years - had no true spiritual interests whatsoever - they had children and by now the children were mostly grown - the reinstated brother across the alley studied with their one remaining son at home and they formed a good relationship. But the brother married to the sister just never did dig the truth - he liked the social aspects - and that was about all. The sister was very spiritual and so was the brother across the alley. That drew them even closer of course. Difficult situation here. It seems the sister's husband never became the jealous type nor even worried about the bond between his wife and the brother across the alley. In fact he was not very emotionally enthralled with his wife and he didn't give a whoot. He just liked hunting and fishing and camping and all this spiritual stuff and routine were so much rot to him. The undercurrents were building.
And yes, the day finally came after years of ice between the sister and her husband that she told him she didn't love him anymore and he decided it was a good idea to pursue a divorce. He went out and deliberately had some fun so it could be deemed a scriptural divorce. And now she was free to marry brother romantic across the alley. How do you imagine the congregation handled what they saw all these years - not good at all. No the couple never got involved in physical immorality and yes they did marry one another. They asked me to stand up for them at their wedding at the Justice of the Peace - but I told them no, I couldn't do that. It just didn't "look" good - even though I loved them both. And here's the clincher that will cause your head to spin - they were both partakers of the emblems. That made it seem even worse to the congregation. They have remained within the fold and work hard to do everything "just so" but the congregation will never let it just pass by. They love each other deeply and have since switched congregations but their reputation keeps following them. It causes great despondency for them and frustration. The children of both refuse to talk or have anything to do with them. That too is an even deeper hurt and in fact they said some pretty ugly things just prior to the wedding. I guess my point in telling you all of this is that even though the details are not exactly the same you are not alone in what you have experienced. And you are not alone in the suffering - though this couple are not DF'd they might as well be for the way they are treated. The brother, although a very brilliant and persuasive young man - young only compared to me that is - will never be allowed to have a position in the congregation or even allowed to perform rudimentary duties like carrying the mikes, assisting at the book counter, etc. He continues to find many progressive Bible Studies and converts every so many also but that just doesn't seem to count to the elders. They love each other dearly but the price paid has been steep. My suspicion is they would be much happier outside the organization with its judgmentalism. God has long ago forgiven them even tho men cannot find it in their hearts to do so.
Will nothing like writing a whole book here but I feel keenly your hardships and difficulties in trying to establish normalcy of life. Just one thing I want to impress upon you - Jehovah and Jesus Christ and myself too all love you both, can and do forgive you, and welcome you with open arms. Your sacrifices have been more than sufficient. I wish I had been more loving with these two friends when I was inside the WTS - now I have the Christen Freedom to be loving. Salty
