WARNING: Try Not to Throw Up In Your Mouth

by headisspinning 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  moshe

  Did you ever learn this from reading the Bible?= You will reap what you sow. That means you should expect some grief over past conduct that betrayed the marital vows.

  I can understand your concern over losing contact with teenagers, but even if you weren't DF'd-JWs, teenage kids could still decide they don't like their new step parents. As far as I know, you will be in their life until they turn 18, so set a good example for them by living a better life now as enlightened ex-JWs and maybe, just maybe they will decide they don't like the KH either.
• 

  jeckle

  i think its great its a plan and a goal. thats the 1st step. you've taken enough of a beating for anything in the past. i think you;ll do fine but others will probably still give you grief no matter where you go. but probably less somewheres else.i have told people and have advised my friends to say this to those who would remind me stuff from the past; that is"i used to shit my diapers too are you gonna remind me of that" and that usually shuts them up . i think knowing that will make you feel better even if you dont tell them that.i was brought up a little bit rough a little bit from the streets so i can get away with it so it aint for everyone . but i got the same weaknesses as you all.
• 

  headisspinning

  To Sizemik...

  I know that you're right... I'm just hoping is all. The thing is, I let the kids know the efforts we have made. So, if it takes longer and longer, I think even they will realize that something isn't quite right with this process.

  I have already had a full and total breakdown while I was in my first marriage. I have attempted suicided twice... I am not going back there no matter what. Plus, I have an amazing therapist who is working with me on all of these matters. I know what you mean about recovering to a 'livable degree'. I spent from 2005 - 2009 in that mode. I got DF'd in September of 2009 and I have progressed in the meantime despite the incredible stress we've been under.

  Thank you so very much for you love and concern and support. We really appreciate it.

  To Listener...

  I am NOT one to play games or be deceitful. I have terrible failings but being dishonest is not one of them. That being said, I have learned that to be a successful JW, you need to play the game. I feel terrible for 'inculcating' all of this into my kids. So rather than thinking of it as being a liar or deceitful, I am thinking of it as more of a covert rescue mission.

  Our kids are living with their JW parents. If they were with us that would be a different story. Then I could whisk them away. But we don't have that luxury right now.

  I care very much about my relationship with God. I am just going to trust that he knows our sincerity and can read our hearts. That's all we can do.

  To Moshe...

  Of course I learned that. I wonder if my mother who has shunned me learned that. I wonder if she thought about that while she was abusing me. I wonder if my ex-husband who is in fine standing in the congregation thought about that when he was abusing me. Does he think about that when he emails me and tells me to 'just stop screwing around - the Great Tribulation is coming'... do they have any self awareness at all?

  Are you honestly that caught up in the JW mentality that you think adultery is the WORST sin to be committed under ANY circumstances?

  Trust me. My children well remember what went on in our household before I finally left their father... do you know why I left him? Because he threatened to burn the house down with me in it. An elder and his wife took us in because my only other option was a women's shelter.

  But... Moshe? You're right! I must reap what I sow.

  Oh but I forgot! THEY won't reap what they sowed because ya... they aren't DISFELLOWSHIPPED! SILLY ME!
• 

  Tuesday

  Have you ever thought of having a family study that maybe you study different viewpoints? For example, maybe you tell them that you'd like to start a family study to overcome different objections that they might encounter in the ministry and the go over different subjects giving them a completely different viewpoint?

  Read the book "Falling In Truth" by Steve McRoberts and you might see some of the stuff I'm getting at, or there's alot of different places you can find some information. Whoever's got a counter mark this down as plug number 700+ but you can check out my youtube channel for "Tough Questions For Jehovah's Witnesses" www.youtube.com/timkilgore to get some more ideas of things to ask.

  Off the top of my head I would probably ask them to research what happened to the babies that were killed in the flood and whether they'll be resurrected or not. Another cool thing to ask would be looking for the proof of the 144,000 being literal, then asking all the follow-up questions like why the other number in the same scripture and the description of the 144,000 isn't literal.

  By all means return to the meetings, it's a different feeling going to the meetings when you basically know it's not true anymore. Read up on logical fallacies too, it'll help you get through the meetings finding all of them that are used during the talks.
• 

  moshe

  But... Moshe? You're right! I must reap what I sow.

  Here's an old saying- you made your bed and now you must sleep in it, so move on with your new spouse and life. (I assume you are happy in this new marriage)

  . JWs just can't seem to come clean about how they feel. Not being there, I can't say if the threats to burn a house down were real or just theatrics. ( my JW ex-wife used exaggerated theatrics to gain sympathy from everyone in the KH- it worked- then she found a way to get a divorce with the blessing of the WT org) Regardless, you seem OK with leaving him and having a new marriage. My advice is to play the cards that life has dealt you in the best way possible, doing so with honesty and good character. However, going to the KH and pretending to be someone you aren't, is like trying to swim against the current and is likely to end in further abuse and humiliation from JWs. (they are good at that, if you allow them the opportunity) Follow the true path that is meant for you as an enlightened ex-JW, otherwise you are living a sham life.
• 

  Twitch

  Well said Moshe. Though I'm not one to suppose what one needs to do for one's children, my initial reply would be to set an example worth following and let the chips fall as they will. Kids know when you do one thing and know another. Do you want to teach your kids how to be dishonest and untrue to themselves, as you intend to do?
• 

  Broken Promises

  If you move congregations, the elders in the new cong will simply continue the shunning. If you want to move to a new house/congregation, go for it, but don't expect any miracles.

  Sorry to be blunt, but you have to be realistic here. The elders aren't stupid, they can see what you are trying to do.
• 

  Mary

  In theory, your plan is good, but it probably won't play out this way. If you had divorced your JW hubby and married a 'worldly' person, it's not quite as bad in the eyes of JWs as when you divorce your JW (no matter how rotten a person they may be) and hook up with another married JW---no matter that they might also be in a miserable marriage. For some reason, this is viewed as being only one step above 'apostasy', and they will milk this for all it's worth. I know an elder in my old hall who did this very thing and it took them 5 years to get reinstated, I kid you not. So don't be surprised if your request to be reinstated is turned down. Here's a quote they did on the subject years ago:

  "Time and again those who have committed adultery have divorced their mates and, having remarried, have been disfellowshiped, only to be reinstated after a year or so. Evidently the elders handling such cases based their decision on what God's Word has to say about showing mercy. True, Jehovah God is merciful and so must elders be. However, to any man and woman who have cunningly planned such actions in order to marry each other it can only be said that even though the elders reinstated them that is by no means the end of the matter. Elders can base their decision only on the apparent repentance, but they are unable to read the heart fully. Not being able to judge the motive, they may reinstate the now married couple. But let that couple never forget Paul's words that "God will judge fornicators and adulterers." (Heb. 13:4)---- w81 7/1 p. 21 par. 15 The God of Love Hates a Divorcing

  Even if you are reinstated in a short amount of time, you'll probably have to either go for longer than what you want (I'd say 5 or 6 monts) and then move if you want to avoid further disciplinary action from these idiots.
• 

  moshe

  But if your kids are still in, it is worth getting the reinstatment so you can have a relationship with them.

  Sure it is, if you want to be a doormat for the JWs, and a liar and a fraud- and what if one child later decides to leave the KH and one stays in? How will you carry out the charade then? Of course you won't be able to shun the child who quit the KH, but then maybe the one who is still in will consider you as weak and bad association and mark you as unfit or maybe you will get exposed as apostates, then you will get DF'd again, etc. etc..
• 

  poopsiecakes

  Hey there spinning...I understand why you want to do this so I can't fault you for your reasonings. You're in a shitty spot, no question. Among the people here, you'll find many who will advocate your idea. Personally, I fall into the camp who thinks it's a bad idea. For many reasons but the most important one is that there's a big difference between 'playing the game' when you're brainwashed and knowing that you're being deceptive. You can do it for a very short while but I can't help but think that the longer it goes on, the worse it is for your psyche. Once you start going down that path, how do you shut it off? When does it start creeping in to other areas of your life? Nobody can say for sure. I'm not saying to go guns blazing, there are still ways to be diplomatic while standing firm for what you know to be the real truth. I also believe that being deceptive is a bad example to your children in the long run but that's another touchy subject that may be left for another time.

  No matter what I believe about courses of action, one thing I do believe in is being supportive and helping in any way possible so if you do decide to go back for a bit I for one will be here for you when you need to vent.