Howdy, JWNers. Here's a little personal update. My marriage is ending. Knowing that there are a number of issues going on at the moment, I must avoid revealing any details about the current crisis at this time, and probably won't ever do so on here for the foreseeable future.
My wife left on Friday, by my request, and has only returned to collect her things. It was no minor matter for me to make this decision. Many of you would've been gone a year ago, at the least. I provided for her for 16 months, with one income and, on average, 4-6 hours of sleep a night. I did everything I possibly could and more than I ever imagined I could do. I endured humiliation and insult and just plain being run over and run into the ground. I did it because I thought she was worth it. I loved her. And even with all that's happened, that will never change. (I know, I can't figure it out either, except that I know a lot of what happened is because of how she was brought up, she's just doing what she has absorbed from her other experiences. Same as me. So it's not really her fault any more than it is mine.)
But it became clear that this situation was destructive and emotionally abusive for me, and unhealthy for them. So there it is.
"Today you get to say 'I told you so'." And you did tell me so. Fact is, some people just need to screw up for themselves before they finally get it. I'm not here to cry on your collective shoulders. There have been enough tears over the course of this marriage, and enough regrets.
I will need to develop more emotional wisdom so as not to find myself in a similar situation in the future. It is my hope that romantic relationships will be something I, at most, read about or watch rather than participate in for a very, very long time. Self-esteem, self-development, must be my priority now. So that who I am defines me rather than who I am with. I had enough of that as a cult member, after all.
Let my tale serve as warning for those who are still on the inside. You need to understand that this is what can happen to you. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Get out of the cult, please. And don't let your heart corrupt your common sense as I did mine. There is a lot of life and love on the outside to enjoy. I wouldn't really know myself, but I'm sure plenty of people here would say so.
The fallout from it all is still happening, and there's nothing official yet, as far as divorce, but it's definitely over now. In the short run, things will get mighty unpleasant, but it is my hope that better times are ahead. If there is anything I can tell you, I'll let you know.
Thanks for listenin',
sd-7