Thanks NewChapter and all the others for your interest in me! You have shown more interest than some of my relatives, LOL.
I have not come back to this thread (but have visited the forum and commented on other topics), mainly for two reasons: one is to distance myself from feeling "miserable" and repeating how nauseating all of this is and second, there are many others here seeking help and I didn't wanted to "be in the spotlight"....
....I was in the "spotlight" for too many god damned years (Talks at District Conventions, Elder school talks, public talks, substitute circuit overseer talks,....) and I hated it.
The last time I posted was 17 days ago. My first 17 days as a non-Witness. To all of you that are contemplating this. Here goes the record.
First of all, it will be different from person to person, from situation to situation. I have been preparing myself for this step over a period of five years (fading, all the way down). I am a very social person (I kind of had two or three good "worldly" friends who are helping me to cope and forget). The first week I continuously received text messages on my cellphone, emails, phone calls from Witnesses, relatives and non-relatives.
Some of them where very hurtful, to such a point that I stopped reading them and started to delete any message. I tried to get into some kind of routine and left our home. Found a neat place to live for a while and to concentrate on new things (my bucket list was ALWAYS full of interesting stuff).
In the meantime I got to see my baby girl once! I enjoyed EVERY minute and played with her, took her out to the playground. It hurts to be separated. My (ex)-wife offered to reunite and continue as a family, but I have to buck and give up - repent and coming back to the "loving arms of the organization"....oh yeah, and go see a psych and take some medicine! My mind is crystal clear, I have a demanding job (Finance related) where I have plenty of responsability and the suggestion was to go and take some anti-depressants and come back to the meetings.
F&%$ THAT! I don't need a doctor and even suggesting that is insulting.
Last weekend I went out (for the first time in years) to have some drinks with my good friend, laughter, talking....enjoying life in a simple and yet wonderful form. My (ex)-wife asked me where I was between x and y hour, because I didn't answered the phone....I could have said to go to &%$, but out of respect and to be open and clear I told her what I did. She screamed why I was going out with "these worldly people"....
I told her that they are family fathers, not some blood-drunken-evil-punks, nobody took drugs, went into bar fights or spent the night with five hookers. Just eating out, having a couple of drinks (nobody drunk) and going home. Thats it!
Whatever, I will start to go out more often and build up a social life. Just like normal human beings.
Resuming: I've had STRONG pain, mainly because I miss my little girl. AT THE SAME TIME (and this is amazing that you can have two strong feelings, going almost at the same time) I feel the sweet feeling of victory and FREEDOM of MIND! Which is invaluable.
Yes, Life is going well. So far, so good.
Thanks for asking. I will keep you updated, if you are interested to accompany me in this journey and at the same time helping others to see that THERE IS LIFE at the other side of the wall...think about it!
