Why I didn’t left JW an don’t plan to do so

by Lazarus 81 Replies latest jw experiences

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  bafh

  I'm a fader, and I have to say that it's working out so far...I haven't been to meeting for more than 2 years (with the exception of the Memorial). I'm flying under the radar, not doing anything that would draw attention or suspicion that I'm anything other than weak and tired. Which I am.

  It's funny to me because now that I'm faded, the people who talk to me now are the same people who talked to me when I attended meetings. So what's the diff? I'm just tired of trying to fit in to a social structure that does not have a space for a person like me (a single successful,independent businesswoman who travels one to two weeks every month and who is not pining for a man or "making room" to pioneer.)

  At any rate, it might get trickier as it becomes more clear that I don't have any intention of going back, but I'll take it as it comes. LilyPadz's comment " This position is only viable if you don't have a clear-cut position for or against the WTS teachings" might be true. I don't have a clear-cut position and maybe that's why it works for me. I do still believe some of what the JWs teach and who knows, they might be right about things in the end. I'd classify myself as an Apathetic Agnostic JW - I don't know, and I don't care.

  Personally, I'm burned out and I am not going to struggle to fit into their pidgen holes and listen to how JWs are SO wonderful, and everyone else is SO awful and going to die. I just don't buy it. And, if because of THAT, God wants to kill me ~ please do. I don't believe I'm going to heaven or hell anyway.

  ~bafh
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  AllTimeJeff

  Sorry, I couldn't leave this alone, and as someone who did blow up the bridge, I want to comment on this.

  "When reading some posts on this board, I’m getting the strong impression some people which left the JWs would be better off if they didn’t (at least not now). And some others give everyone new here the advice “get out out out, now now now” regardless of the personal situation of the individual. The hate for the WTS seems to be bigger than the concern for the troubled person."

  Some people will not be better off being a JW or not. It's a false dichotemy to suggest that an unhappy person, or a person in an unhappy situation, will fix it simply by leaving JW's.

  Same if you stay.

  The fact is, if one as an adult chose to believe JW's and converted, you have/had issues.

  If you choose to stay, it isn't because you believe it as the truth, right? Then I promise you one thing: Do what you want, but you die a little every day you have to pretend to be someone you are not.
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  clarity

  When I look at what I would gain leaving JWs, it appears to me not a quarter as good than the losses I would suffer.

  Lazarus, I hear you but think of it this way.....

  When it comes down to buying a car for instance, yes it's smart to try to get thebest deal that you can. The most car for the least money. More, for less pain.

  When it comes to your charactor, principals, conduct and morals it is not down to getting more ..... it is about being more!

  If I paste a fake smile on my face and nod in agreement with foolishness, I'm not telling the truth.

  If I knowingly take untruth (lies) to people's doors to indoctrinate them... I become a liar!

  A phoney deceptive untruther (liar). Oh yes, I may keep my friends and family but at what cost.

  I am not looking to GET more ..... I am looking to BE more.

  hoping someone will either shoot me down or actually agree ...clarity
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  KW13

  I am not suggesting for a moment that you didn't make the right decision, because although i was for a while 'cut off', i have now got the 'best of both worlds' - family and i am no longer a JW. That said, i also have the satisfaction of knowing that in 60/70 years i did the right thing, and lived MY life the way i wanted to.
  
  The more people who go back/stay in that religion the more chances it will stay around. I'm not judging those who do it, i even understand why but i personally could not because silence is in some respects the same as condoning the society's actions and its history. How do you expect others to find reason to leave if you remain in?
  
  Could you honestly go door to door or conduct a study, ruining someone elses life as you indoctrinate them to improve your own existence without any thought?
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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Lazarus, I felt that way for a long time. I looked at all the things I had to lose and the pain I would go through if I left it all.

  But as time passed, everything changed for me. Bethel changed. I became increasingly depressed as I went through the motions to make EVERYONE ELSE happy, but I wasn't happy. And frankly, they weren't happy either. I tried various changes is hopes that things would get better if I stayed in. But they kept getting worse, and I was expected to act happy and keep following the lie.

  I've had some rough times on my fade, and I'm sure I'll face more. My thinking follows JonathanH, except I'm studying Chemical Engineering.
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  on the rocks

  I think you are a chicken!!!
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  Knowsnothing

  I don't blame Lazarus, because I felt like that too. It was hard for me to come to the decision I made, but I had no choice. I might have even opted for fading, but I live with my mother and that would just draw out the pain.

  It's like they say. Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandaid. If you can fade and keep living a lie, that's all you buddy. But, I had to be true to myself and see that I never really believed in this.
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  Mickey mouse

  But as time passed, everything changed for me. Bethel changed. I became increasingly depressed as I went through the motions to make EVERYONE ELSE happy, but I wasn't happy. And frankly, they weren't happy either.

  This is something I have come to realise recently. I have tried not to rock the boat with family and have gone to the occasional meeting and assembly which is a hard thing to do when you're awake.

  It isn't enough for them though. Frankly, what's the point in me being unhappy and them being unhappy about me being 'weak'? There are no winners in this situation.
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  unshackled

  Most that leave have strong character in which they are being true to themselves - no longer willing to live a life full of lies. The sacrifice of course is losing friends and family, but the reality is - they are ones making the choice to exclude you from their lives. IMO, leaving is honorable because you are doing what is right in the bigger picture.
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  White Dove

  Sounds like Big Jim Rennie has you by the throat in his big chubby fingers Under the Dome.

  It's an fitting analogy. Think about this.

  In fact, read that book.