In your case I think it is right that you didn't left.
good one !
Why I didnt left JW an dont plan to do so
by Lazarus 81 Replies latest jw experiences
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exwhyzee
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TheSilence
What would you do in my situation, if you knew that leaving would slowly kill one of your most beloved people?
Exactly what I did knowing that my leaving would slowly kill my dad. I left. I can't live my life for my dad. For him to expect me to pretend to believe something I don't to keep him happy is manipulative and controling. If he can't love me for who and what I really and truly am then that is his issue, not mine. I'm a good person who does good things. I deserve to be loved for who and what I am. If me leaving kills him *he* is responsible for that, not me. He chooses to give this religion that power and control in his life, not me. I am not choosing to kill him by leaving, he is choosing to let it kill him that I left. He is an adult and he chooses to react the way he does, I am not forcing it on him, I am simply living a good and positive life. It is not my fault that he chooses a bleak interperetation of that rather than the reality of how wonderful I actually am. :)
Jackie
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NewChapter
When reading some posts on this board, I’m getting the strong impression some people which left the JWs would be better off if they didn’t (at least not now).
You have to make your decision and choose what is best for you. However don't misinterpret the angst you see in some of the posts. The transition is difficult and painful--that is why they are posting--but it's worth it. Just because it isn't easy doesn't mean they aren't better off or should not have left. Some things are worth fighting for.
You're in a tough spot. I'm sorry you have so many ties keeping you trapped. I wouldn't want to have to make your decisions. I'm glad you are carefully weighing the pros and cons.
NC
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mochamint22
thanks NewChapter for that explanation. you took the words right out of my mouth. yes, it is very hard to move on from the org. and i spent a long time in your shoes, Lazarus, years in fact. in the org just because i don't want to lose my so called family and friends. i'm not DFd or DAd but i have been inactive for a while now and i choose to stay that way because i dont want to lose complete contact with my family.
i know what its like to feel an obligation to do something just to make others happy. those that have certain expectations for you. hell, i got baptized because i wanted to please my mother. then after many years of nagging, i became a regular pioneer, only to be DFd about two months later because everything just culminated and i couldnt take it anymore. then, i became the black sheep of my family, people at the hall always gave me dirty looks and treated me like i had the plague. then after a year of that treatment i got reinstated, STILL trying to please my family and friends. only to still not be good enough for them. i've learned that its not worth it. no one on this site is saying you have to get DFd or DA yourself. i haven't done that. i get it. not being ready to cut all ties and the hard part is KNOWING that your family or those close to you will have no problem severing those ties w/you once you leave that JW status. I might as well DA myself because being inactive is pretty much the same thing. when i am around my mother and older brother, who are very much in the org, its just the same as when i was DFd because they treat me differently and the only time my mother contacts me is when she's trying push the meetings back on me. then something else hit me: THEIR ACCEPTANCE OF ME AND SO CALLED DISPLAYS OF LOVE TOWARDS ME IS 100% SURROUNDING MY BEING A JW OR NOT. nothing else matters.
yes, weigh the pros and cons, but i can promise you this: mental and emotional freedom will outweigh their enslavement. you cannot live your life miserable on the inside to make others happy. i garauntee you this (and its been said b4) if your family and friends really care about you, they're going to love you for WHO you are not WHAT you are. and no religious belief will change that. i've seen it happen where people's children leave but they are still in their lives and its all good. granted, it is RARE, but i'm going thru this transition and maybe sometime down the road i will DA myself officially, but its more about your mental and emotional state. you have to come to your own conclusions and make your own decisions Lazarus, and i will tell you from my POV, its better to be free emotionally than enslaved. the ties we have to the org are much like a bad marriage - you break up and you go back, you break up and you go back, SCARED OF THE UNFAMILIAR. I've heard it said that however many years you've been married, that's how many months it will take to start to get over the fear and hurt of the break. So like for me, I was born and raised a witness - been baptized since i was 12 (14 years ago) = i'm 26. so that means it will take about 14 months to get over it. but you don't start to get over something unless you cut the ties and give yourself room to breathe and actually see that you can make it without that other person, or in our case entity- the org. i have been inactive for like 2 yrs now, but still in the midst of everything, on and off meetings- not actually LETTING myself grieve and go thru those arrays of emotion that occur in any breakup. i've started this healing process just recently, like in the last few months. and everyday it gets easier and better!
so yes, give it lots of thought and just remember: LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL
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Velour
It sounds like you haven't gotten to the point where honesty with yourself and with those around you is more important than tickling the ears and hearts of these people.
At some point this tips in the other direction. It took me 3 years to finally value honesty more than a facade. I don't love Jehovah at all. I don't follow the words of the WTBTS to any degree and I don't care to give the impression that I do.
I have read posts where the people on here advise a person considering leaving to weigh the options. I've even seen plenty of posts advising that a person stay in because of their situation. Of course, we want at some point in time for the person to leave, however, the timing may not be appropriate for their exit.
It's odd that you spell out the results of your leaving as if it is foreign to the rest of us. We all have mothers, fathers, grandpas, grandmas, sisters, brothers, best friends, husbands, and wives that were devestated at finding out that we are no longer JW. We all hurt and are pained at missing family still in. The situation you are in is something we are all familiar with. We understand why you choose to stay in because we've all considered the people who would hurt by us leaving. Again, I stayed for 3 years for the sake of family and friends.
It's not time for you and that's ok.
To leave is a very personal decision that someone should take their time in considering. I think the message I've heard on this forum is: Once you know that it's not the truth you have an increasingly difficult time buying into the lie. Therefore, you should prepare ahead of time for your exit, even if it's quite a ways off.
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Chariklo
bookmarking
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Hortensia
Hmmm, I wonder where Lazarus went --
Whatever floats your boat, buddy.
However, staying JW prevents you from ever being your authentic self.
Someday that may come to be important for you.
If you can take the wtbts bullshit for the sake of your family, well, your decision.
I'd work on getting an education, if I were you, whether you stay or go.
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wheres caleb?
Been there, done that!
You stated, "It hasn't done much good for many on this board either." That is your own hyperbole.
Question: Who decides that a person is spiritually weak? Where in the bible is the expression 'spiritually weak' used? Do some homework.
If you plan to remain a JW then good for you - whatever the reason. Please don't start trying to suggest where other people are at while you are still dealing with your own issues.
Believe it or not, some people actually read their bibles and don't come up with false predictions based on a false narrative like the JWs have.
Paradox: Belief is much stronger than faith. Think about it, or do I have to tell you what to believe?
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Nobleheart
@ Jackie (The silence)
Good post!
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moshe
One man with courage makes a majority. ~Andrew Jackson 7th President of America
To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. ~Bertrand Russell
Fear of the future is the glue that keeps JWs stuck to their seat at the KH.~ moshe
I usually advise people to leave the KH and take the path of truth and honesty, but not always. Based on your negative expectations, you give me the impression that you won't survive one year on your own outside the KH- so stop torturing yourself and stay away from ex-JW apostate websites.
It seems that you are OK with not having any personal freedom and not having a life that is all yours (with you making the decisions and choosing the road that you want.) If you do what the WatchTower leaders tell you and follow the directions of the elders- like being a 30 hour pioneer in April- you will get a pat on the head and keep your place in the KH. At least you won't lose any sleep over Armageddon killing you, like the rest of your JW family and friends. Let us know in a year, if you are happy, really happy, with your decision to stay in the KH.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die. ~Robert Cody