Greetings, dear Dark Knight, and peace to you! You are absolutely correct to say that your life has been the result of YOUR choices! You are TRUTHFUL! HOW refreshing! I am permitted to respond directly to your questions, dear one. The word of my Lord to you is that you are struggling because your "house" was built upon sand... and not upon the rock-mass. That rock[mass] is NOT Peter (as some falsely teach)... or the teachings of Paul (who some follow)... or the Bible (which some worship and call "the Word of God.")). Christ is that Rock, dear one (1 Cor. 10:4)... and it is upon HIM... and FAITH IN HIM... that his "church", the Congregation of the Firstborn... his BODY... God's "temple"... is built. Just as the temple of Jerusalem was built on the rock, Mt. Horeb. Without faith in HIM... yes, your faith in God is subject to "attack"... even "shipwreck." And that is what you are experiencing: the "storm" that threatens to devastate YOUR "house". But... the storm does not have to overcome you - indeed, YOU can conquer... simply by LISTENING to the Word of God when he speaks to YOU. To start, you must remember that he who is faithful in what is LEAST... is faithful... in MUCH. For example, Christ doesn't ask us to sacrifice OUR bodies for HIM; yet, he does tell us to put faith in HIM... by eating his flesh and drinking HIS blood, which HE sacrificed for us. Yet, so MANY... out of fear... or a LACK of faith refuse to do this. Or, if they it, refuse to obey his law... of love: for brother, neighbor, strangers... ENEMIES... self... and thus for HIM... and so for God. Negating such declaration of faith. The Most Holy One of Israel doesn't want your loyalty out of obligation, dear one; that was the prescription of the OLD Law. NOW... it must be out of LOVE. Not love of the "agape" sort, though; you know, the general kind. But love based on KNOWLEDGE of the one you love. And the ONLY way to know God... is to know Christ. And THAT starts with listening to him. NOT listening to what others say ABOUT him, including me, your servant... but TO HIM. Which requires faith. And, again, that starts with obeying the LEAST things... which shows you're capable of being faithful as to GREATER things. Today...the MOST Holy One of Israel, JAH of Armies, speaks to us by means of a Son. HIS Son... the HOLY One of Israel and Holy Spirit, JAHESHUA, the Chosen One of JAH... the WORD OF GOD... who is ALIVE and speaks "from the heavens." (proverbs John 10:27, 14:23; Romans 8:9, 10). His voice it to the sons of mankin. May you be given ears to hear and get the sense of these truths, dear MDK, if you so wish them. Indeed, may such ears be granted you so that you, too, will hear... and OBEY (John 14:23)... when the Spirit and the Bride say to YOU: "Come! Take 'life's water'... FREE!" The MOST Holy (One of Israel) AND the HOLY (One of Israel)... are IN the "temple"... NEW Jerusalem, dear one (Rev. 21 YOUR servant and a slave of Christ, SA