When should you Disassociate yourself?

by happytobefree 72 Replies latest jw friends

  • happytobefree
    happytobefree

    I have been having discussion with my sister (relative), who is an active witness, about writing a letter of disassociation. The reason being is that I have not attended the meetings in over a year and it's been 4 years since I have went out in the JW ministry.

    I going to try to sum this topic up. My sister think that I should not DA myself because I have not done any immoral act in her thinking. (because I feel even if i had, which I haven't, I would not have to ask any man nor organization for their forgiveness or their discipline). I personally think she don't want me to, so it will not strain our relationship out in public (because she is well aware of my views, which are so non JW).

    The reason I want to end my ties with the organization, is because I don't want the restroom sister showing up at my door whenever they feel compelled to make a call on me (they uninvited guest is so annoying, and the reason I quit going out in field service - but for conscience reason now). And the last visit was 3 weeks ago, during the holiday season, and I was all into my holiday spirit, xmas decorations around the whole house, big beautiful tree and all and I was cooking xmas cookies at the time (that they did eat. haha) Anyhow I could not bring myself to expressing my feeling to them about how they were looking around my house (a look of shock) and how they were saying that they were praying for me (a lie I know, because they only think of me when they need to go potty, praying I'm home so they can go)

    I could go on, but I want you opinions about disassociation.

    HAPPY TO BE FREE (ME)

  • RedhorseWoman
    RedhorseWoman

    Happy, first of all, welcome to the site. I think you'll like it here.

    I have been inactive for about 16 years now. When I first became inactive, I fully intended to find a way to re-activate myself, so at that point a letter of disassociation was out of the question.

    I went back several times, and each time I became more disillusioned, until I finally just faded away. By that time, the whole point was moot, and I didn't care enough to disassociate myself. Additionally, I felt that in doing so I would simply be following the WTBTS rules once again, and I didn't want to give them that satisfaction.

    My friend, however, found that she needed to formally disassociate herself so that she could begin to find herself once again.

    Your sister does have a valid point. She obviously doesn't want to end her relationship with you, and she knows that if you are disassociated, she would have to shun you. I can't really blame her for feeling this way.

    If the "potty people" bother you, just get in the habit of telling them that you're really busy and that the toilet is unusable at the moment. I'm sure they'll get the hint soon enough. Or, better yet, install a pay toilet.

  • trevor
    trevor

    Hello happytobefree,

    I agree with Redhorse woman there is no point in writing a letter. Why play by their rules. I had doubted the WT had the truth for many years. In the words of the song I had come to doubt all that I once held as true.' After spending almost the first 30 years of my life in that prison my wife and I walked out of the hall for the last time in 1985.

    We never said a word and never went back. No one ever called to ask why. Amazingly some of our relatives still stay with us and so do other Witnesses they like to mix with people they can relax with. However I have written a book about the WT due out in March - I have a feeling that it change things.

    My uncle has 8 children all married all Witnesses with their own children the little tribe now numbers 43. Not one of them has seen us since we left - so some good has come out of it! My advice is to keep a low profile and say nothing at present. The less evil they believe you to be the more chance you will have to talk with them.

    All the best
    trevor

  • peaceloveharmony
    peaceloveharmony

    free-

    i wouldn't write the letter. i did write a letter to disassociate when i was 17 and now i have a sister and a brother who shun me. although for me at the time--since i was young--the letter served as a way for me to let my parents know that i was making my own decisions and they couldn't tell me what to do. Sometimes i wish i'd have just waited until i left for college so i could fade out of the org. but i have to live with what i did. you could write a letter in a journal or something and never give it to the elders but at least you might feel some closure by writing it down. the choice is yours, just think about your sister and what it would be like to not have her in your life(it sucks!).

    good luck!
    harmony

  • neyank
    neyank

    Hi Happytobefree,
    Do you really feel the need to write a letter?
    You know what the outcome is going to be if you write one.
    I've been inactive for a couple of years now and I know that the WTS is not who they claim to be.
    They have lied to us.They have forced us to sell their books and magazines. They have turned families against each other.
    Do we still have to play by their rules after knowing what they're about?
    It makes their job easier if you write a letter.
    That way, they can keep others away from you.
    Think long and hard before you you do it.

    neyank

  • happytobefree
    happytobefree

    Thank you all for your replies, I do agree with you. But as Trevor stated since I have not walked away no one has made a serious attempt to contact me anyway (isn't it funny how people who love you so much, just let you fall off the earth.

    But to be quiet about my views is a whole different story. Since I have about 100 JW blood relatives who do live out of state (thank goodness), I find when I go home to visit it is sometime kind of awkward, because of the questions - such as How is your congregation? How many publishers do your congregation have? How many pioneers? Where is your assembly held this year? And when I tell them I'm what they would consider inactive, you should see their faces (it's funny now that I think about it). They look like they have lost their best friend (even though they don't have a clue as to what a best friend is).

    Anyhow, I do feel since they baptized me under false perception, that my dedication was not valid anyway.

    Thanks all

    Happy to be Free (Me)

  • amicus
    amicus

    happytobefree,
    Who did you dedicate your life to when you were Baptized?

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Dear Happy to be Free,
    I did da myself in June of 2000. It has had a lot of reprocussions, you will find them if you read the rest of the forum.
    But the bottom line is you have to do what is right for you. For me, I couldn't continue. It made me feel like a hypocrite. I still havn't been able to tell my family the real reasons. Even though some of them still talk to me (although not the way I would like them to) they really don't seem to want to know.
    Only you can know your heart and what you need to do for you. Whatever you decide, make sure you are willing to deal with the results.
    TW

  • happytobefree
    happytobefree

    Amicus,

    To answer your question frankly, I did not dedicate my life to anyone. At the time I thought I was just doing the right thing, because I had been raised a JW and had studied every book they had with about 10 differenct sisters. And you should have saw my fathers face he was so happy (how sad).

    And now with my view on religion (all of them), the bible and spirituality are so different from my mindset at the time of my baptism. I'm a agnostic more or less. I think the bible is a good book of fiction at most with good some principles, but some practices and principles I have never agreed with (God chosing a people, when he is responsbible for all - don't make much since to me).

    Anyhow I'm going strongly to the mindset that I don't owe the JW a letter or an explanation for my decisions, nor my life anymore. I have more that paid my debt to them by my 30 years of bondage.

    And no I don't feel a bit hypocrital - because when any JW ask what I'm doing now, I openly and freely tell (I have nothing to hide and I have felt ashamed for too long (or not worthy).

  • JT
    JT

    It would be good to understand how the concept of "DA" has come about
    and then you can decide if this is something for you

    it is the brainchild of 2 depts at bethel

    1. Service dept
    2, Legal dept

    the Service dept handles elders, co, do, DFing, etc

    they make the rules for Procedures and Policies for elders- they are usually the ones who send letters called TO ALL BODIES OF ELDERS

    almost 3 yrs ago i invited a bethel buddy of mine down who is one of the society lawyers to give a sat night program and sunday talk- David Olxxx

    after his sat NIGHT talk we went back to our house for dinner along with 6 former bethelites and our wives- so while the girls were downstairs-- the fellows were upstairs talking about- what else -THE SOCIETY

    He related an exp that shows how the Writing dept & the service dept make it so hard for the legal dept

    he was pleading a case before a judge and unbeknown to him the judge had asked his clerk to gather some info on JW,

    so when he finished the judge began to ask him some questions in relationship to the position of jw on certain matters, then out of the clear blue sky the judged asked him:

    Do you teach that the Gov are ultimately under the control of the Devil

    and do you teach that the Catholic church is under the control of the Devil?

    so he told us that he tried to give the usual answer we give about the gov being a servant of god and allowed to serve there by god and the usual tip toe over egg shell tricks

    but the judge kept pushing him on the issue till he finally had to admit that certain commets may have been made in some of our printed material

    after he did that - the judge then stated = so i work for the devil and worship the devil as well- i will give you my ruling in 30days

    they lost the arguement before the judge

    so he was telling us that many of the judges today often times will quote statements that the society has made on certain matters.

    so as he put it --the Writing dept often times make it very hard for them in the legal dept- as he phrased it:

    "We have to clean up behind them, but with jah help we can do it"
    ***********
    YEA RIGHT
    **********

    i relate that exp because it helps one to understand DA-

    in many parts of the world if the Society takes action against a bro such as dfing for joining the army in that country it can be viewed as punishing a citizen for serving his country- due to the Formal Judical proceedings

    so the society needed a way in which they could impose the same punishment without being libel- so that is were DA comes in at

    it has the very same end result for the jw who is classified as such
    as with a person who had a Formal Judical Proceeding and was DFed

    DIFFERENCE being no formal procedure-

    so the society gets a person to be viewed by the rank and file as DFed even though on paper he is classified as DA

    and it protects them from the LAW due to no Formal Actions were taken

    i firmly believe that in the coming yrs we will see more things moved from DFing Status to DA status and more things will be classified as "Conscience matters" WINK WINK

    so even though it may be classified as a Conscience matter

    they will be sure to indicate what a "Mature Christain" would do
    and those who hold positions would do-

    so if you decide to DA it is merely to fullfill some concept put together by bunch of Lawyers

    but it is up to you-

    many have stated-- why play by thier rules and i agree-

    ask yourself this question

    Where does this concept of writing religious lettters indicating you no longer want to sell books come from other than WT

    it is thier rules and to me it merely shows that they still control a person

    one of the wt most important tools is to be able to classify you:

    Mature
    weak
    worldly
    df
    reproved
    marked
    approved assoicate
    inactive
    active
    low hour publisher
    strong publisher
    etc

    this classifcation system is very important in wt world due to the fact that it determines how they will deal with and treat you

    why not confuse them and have some fun with it

    smile

    just my 2

    JT

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