When should you Disassociate yourself?

by happytobefree 72 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  waiting

  Just another way of looking at the same problem:

  For those of us who've been in the org. for decades, we've heard how the faithful local jw's talk about those who leave

  1. they got materialistic.
  2. lost sight of the really important things.
  3. lost their love for Jehovah.
  4. Some people are in the Truth, but the Truth's not in them.
  5. they've obviously been spiritually weak for a while now.
  6. Satan's overtaken them.
  7. It's so sad, they have young children who'll suffer for their choice.
  8. they're breaking their parent's hearts.
  9. they never did appreciate the Truth.

  So, when we leave - for none of the above specifically perhaps - we want to explain we're not Satan's Seed, we just want to leave. But we can't explain ourselves and keep our family & friends, however distant they become, at least we have some communication. We may choose to be mute - but it's hard - and some of us know the type of gossip that's being said about us.

  My daughter, who has been df'd for approx. 7 yrs., eats at a local restaurant occasionally, where a former jw friend of hers is a waitress. The jw waitress waited on her - but would not say a word. My daughter left a $5. tip for a $10. meal. I said I wouldn't have left her a thing for not speaking. She said no - at least now the woman would have no room to gossip more about her. Paid protection from a cheap shot.

  waiting
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  Waiting, I remember all of those "reasons" that you listed. I remember that at one time I believed them.

  Now that I'm on the other side, I think I can honestly say that those reasons apply to almost no one who has left. Funny how mind control works.....but we never realize it while we're there.
• 

  larc

  Irving Janis, a social psycholgist, conducted research on a phenomena he called Groupthink. The characteristics of Groupthink are found in highly cohesive groups. One of them is: the illusion of unanimity. Which means that if you have doubts you believe that you are the only one that does. The WT compounds this problem by discouraging all descent. This makes many feel very alone, insecure, guilty, and possibly even mentally imbalanced. A lot of stress there, with seemingly no way out of the delema. Another symptom of Grouthink is an open attack and ridicule of the person expressing reservations. This attack may be subtle or harsh depending on the nature of the expressed concern. This is done automaticaly and effectively in the local congregations. It is desiged to keep people in line and keep a uniformity that is comfortable for the group but sad for the individual.

  I think that the ability for people to communicate here and see how many people felt and thought before, during, and after coming out is very theraputic for newbies and seniors alike.
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  Simon

  Yes, I wonder now about the things I heard said about people who left before we did...one sister left her elder husband and he and her elder-father-in-law told the congregation how evil and horrible she was and how she's chosen a life of debauchery etc... (oh, yes - we shouldn't talk to her).
  Thinking about it, I noticed that her Mother and Father have not been at the meetings whenever I did go...maybe they all discovered 'the truth'
  I hope they are happy, they were nice, genuine people.
• 

  thinkers wife

  Well said JT. I have pointed these very things out to my husband who was never a JW.
  Waiting and RHW,
  Right on the money. I think the biggest thing I have learned through my "exile", is tolerance for others. We haven't walked around in their shoes, so we never know why they have done what they have done. This is true in or out of the org.
  And it is very difficult sometimes when you so want to tell your loved ones the truth about yourself. They either don't want to hear it or can't.
  TW
• 

  happytobefree

  Remember at the beginning of this post I mentioned my sister. Well she was the first person I started revealing my doubts with when I first knew that the organization was NOT God's (and this was before I ever got on the Internet). She agreed with most of my sentiments (and they were strongly voiced, expletive and all), but she had the normal JW arguments. Well I would go on and on and on, but then I started noticing she was avoiding me and that my father was telling my mother to be careful about discussing things with me. So from this experience and many of your posts, I have learned to wait and to gradually let some of the falisies of the Org. out. Now my sister call me a least once a week and my brother who is very non JW, and I listen mostly and let her come to her own conclusion. Which has been great, because I told her about this site (she has no computer yet) and told her about this thread, and she agreed with you all. It is none of the JW business, that's the only problem she see with the Org. so far, is that we tell them too much of our business. She says she has no plans on leaving, but is looking forward to a new and improved Org. (reformed). Well that's another topic.

  Well maybe not - she did state, that she feel they will become more liberal on disfellowshipping and disassociation. I think they may, but only to keep the numbers strong. You know that's another post.

  Well that's my 2 cents

  And JT - sorry if this has already been addressed - are you still attending the KH.

  Happy to be Free (Me)

  Edited by - happytobefree on 16 January 2001 13:43:57
• 

  ZazuWitts

  I still miss many of my so-called witness friends - view them as generally good people, but, I also know some who truly aren't - these ones are controlling, manipulative, self-serving people - people who like to stand on others to make themselves feel taller - but that's probably inherent in any colletive group of people.

  One, of many personal experiences that stands out in my mind:

  I remember when my mother was studyng with the JW's, I thought it was great that I could sit in and ask questions.
  Was always treated with courtesy, patience, smiling-face answers.

  Was baptized just short of my 16 birthday. Shortly, thereafter, was asked to dog and housesit for a JW couple. They had a copy of Russell's
  "Study in the Scriptures" which I read with much interest and questions. When the couple returned home, I guilelessly brought up the book, and very simply questioned the departure in a belief or two." I WILL NEVER FORGET the look on that 'sisters' face - I can only describe it as almost hatred, and malice. Today, over 40 years later, just the recall of the expression she conveyed - makes me SHUDDER all over again. I learned very early on to keep my mouth shut on questions. BTW what she actually said to me was "You have no right to question Jehovah's organization ever....I thought you were more mature than that!" (Age 15?). For the longest time I thought she looked at me with suspicion and dislike. Yes, I am still SHUDDERING.
• 

  DriveslikeJehu

  JT, sorry for the misunderstanding. Like I said before, the WTB&TS is the part of the organization that provides the literature, yadda, yadda, like I said before. They don't make the rules, per se. That's up to the GB, who use Bible principles to derive them.

  Oh yeah, Larc, I almost forgot your question. I'm almost a junior at the University of Houston in er...Houston. Since I'm not a junior yet, I can't declare a major, however I have decided on CIS(computer information systems).

  Edited by - DriveslikeJehu on 17 January 2001 10:22:1
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  JAVA

  larc:

  I think that the ability for people to communicate here and see how many people felt and thought before, during, and after coming out is very theraputic for newbies and seniors alike.

  Good information! Animal Farm by George Orwell, is a great novel on how "Groupthink" works. It's a MUST READ for folks exiting high-control religions.

  JAVA, counting time at the Coffee Shop
• 

  thinkers wife

  Drives like Jehu,
  First of all let me say that I think it is really cool that you come to this site even though you know there are people here who are no longer active.
  There is one thing in your post though that I would like to address
  

  . Like I said before, the WTB&TS is the part of the organization that provides the literature, yadda, yadda, like I said before. They don't make the rules, per se. That's up to the GB, who use Bible principles to derive them.

  
  You may be very surprised to know that this simply isn't true. Many times the GB only sees the information printed in the literature very briefly before it is printed. They are kept very busy with other issues and allow the writing comittee and others to handle those things. It certainly shocked me when I learned that.
  TW

  Edited by - thinkers wife on 17 January 2001 16:2:39