by Voices 83 Replies latest jw friends
lol I know Outlaw, I was just making a joke....Voices
I don`t eat brussel sprouts "just" cuz they taste bad..
I don`t eat Brussel Sprouts cuz they taste bad and that Clown looks Nuts!..
What kind of person dress`s up like a Clown,then kills you for eating Brussel Sprouts?..
It`s not normal..
........................
...OUTLAW
I am going to be Nicodemus on this thread, just for fun :)
Yeah, well, old Nic was a believer... and so very possibly an eater of the lowly brussels sprout himself, dear tec (piece to you!), so you ain't foolin' me! Come OUT of the kitchen closet, girl! Nothing to fear here! HERE... there is vegetable eatin' FREEDOM! Here, you can partake of ANY edible variety! Because HERE... you are TRULY free!
*greedily takes bowl and starts eating her brussell sprouts*
WHOO-HOOO, BP (piece, chile!). No... WAIT! You don't know what kind of "wormwood" salt that infidel and traitor against sprouts W'Sprout (aw, okay, piece to you, too - SA kicks rock!)... may have put on your BSs! Cough it up NOW, girl... then come on over and I'll make you a REALLY tasty batch!! With... wait for it... BACON!!!
What are Brussel spouts?
They're cuzzins, of course, dear V! C'mon, get with the program (and piece to you!)!
And now, to you, infidel, the one trying to mislead all true vegetable eaters and believers in the worthiness of the little green pod:
Shelby repent of your rebellion or may the brussel sprout be your falling to the dark side...
You are not my leader, infidel! I don't follow you... or the green peas you are loyal to!
The vegetable God has sent me to warn your poor deluded folks of your impending doom, SAVE YOURSELVES!!!!
No! You LIE! You do not KNOW the vegetable God, for if you did you would know that He judges NO vegetable! He does NOT unlovingly differentiate between His chosen vegetables! ALL are worthy for roasting, broasting, saute-ing, broiling, boiling, creaming (though I cannot fathom why), poaching, blanching... and inclusion in soups! Especially this time of year!
I am a ''true'' vegetable prophet and my ability to throw BS into fiery destruction shall NOT be mocked!
You are false, infidel! Only the CHOSEN can commit the "holely" BS to fire... and not for the purpose of destruction but for culinary EXCELLENCE!! That you believe you even have such authority shows ME that you are a false vegetable prophet... because all TRUE veggie prophs KNOW that BSs are GOOD for the fire...and the fire GOOD for them!
Turn towards the goodness of the humble carrot, garden pea, and corn.... Yes those are the vegetables that will provide your RDA of vitamins... All the brussel sprout will provide is abdominal cramping and putrid wind.
SUCCOTASH, I say!! While such WILL assist your eyesight and other necessary bodily functions... the lowly BS causes NO such cramping in TRUE believers! And the "wind" is just as necessary a bodily function as any other! Otherwise... we would explode!! Yet, the humble crucifer can ASSIST us in performing this natural... and much needed... expulsion!
The brussel sprout is NOT one of the chosen vegetables, it has shown itself to be the vegetable of light, sent to turn you away from the righteouness of all the other vegetables!
Ahhhh... to the contrary, infidel: it was the lowly B-sprout that actually introduced me to the TRUE light! Before it, I was in darkness - I thought brussels sprouts were nothing more than ugly, nasty, heathen little pods forced upon small children by overbearing, unfeeling, and sometime evil (intending) parents who were only trying to TRICK them by saying they were "GOOD" for them! And so, I refused to embrace them; to the contrary, I scorned them, even persecuted them! Then, one day, when small children came into my own life, I had an epiphany! I realized that these little beings needed the nutrients provided by vegetables, including, perhaps, the lowly BS. As I was pondering this, I was immediately hit by a NEW light which came upon me (from my TV, maybe, okay), and I heard a voice say, "I am Julia Child"! But I was SURE the voice also said: "You MUST give them vegetables - they're good for them - and so you MUST prepare them in a way that they will enjoy eating them!"
And as a result of this event, I purchased a pound or so of small pods... then raced back home to prepare them in the manner I had observed from the Great Child. The result? Scrump-dili-ishus-ness! Even if I may say so myself!
So, you see... I was NOT misled, not at all! Rather, I was brought forward... into the TRUE light... of how to prepare ordinarily stinky vegetables actually quite well! Why in the WORLD would I go BACK... to the days of judging and condemning [formerly putrid] vegetables to destruction... simply because I didn't know how to cook them well? I will NOT go back!
All you brussel sprout haters, lets STAND up and UNITE for the sake of all the other vegetables! The vegetable God calls you to join in this WORTHY cause!
Do NOT listen to the infidel, dear ones! She is only trying to lead YOU to the very fire (of everlasting bar-b-que) that she wants for our beloved brussels sprout. Don't listen to her, for she only wishes to shut of the kingdom of the kitchen garden before you! Turn away, turn away!
*Hangs onto Shelby's ankles as she reaches for the brussel sprouts*
Hands OFF me, you bearer of refrigerator light which goes dark as soon as you close the door! (SA kicks legs and shakes WS off ankles...)
Noooooo! *Wrestles BP to the floor and attempts to take the sprouts off her*
HaHA! She got away from you! Another one snatched out of the (Weber-y) fire!!
those carrots rosted with brown sugar and butter sound delicious... How do you make them??
Well, okaaaaaayyyy, since you asked "nicely" (smile!):
I know you are joking, this thread has really entertained me...
Of course, I am, dear one... and me, too! HUGE laughs, GREAT fun, and a bit of a reprieve from all of the "heavy" stuff - LOLOLOL!!
Although my hatred of brussel sprouts is very real. Lol
As is my love for them... and the [god] they serve (or are served up FOR... which is me, sometimes - LOLOL!)
Peace
Back at'cha, my love! Along with some piece(s) of BS, of course!
SA, on her own... of course!
B.S. locked and ready!
Dear, dear OUTLAW... the greatest of love and peace to you, my dear friend... and you are coming dangerouly close to be labelled as "bad association." Reconsider your judgment and persecution of our beloved brussels sprout... or risk shunning. I won't DF you... because even the vegetable god is merciful... but I will have to refrain from discussing culinary topics with you (and I know you don't want THAT, you great cook, you!)... because I cannot risk being led into the "house" of vegetable "apostasy". Which is where you, the infidel WS, and those like you, currently reside.
Think it over, friend... and try a better BS recipe...
But piece to you, as well!
SA
Ok Shelby first of all (peace to you!)MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I was reading your post to Carrot and I could barely speak through laughing! I ended up burning his dinner! Whoops!
Voices Oh my goodness that picture is hilarious! I love it!
But back to business.
You are not my leader, infidel! I don't follow you...
You should follow me... I will lead you into the ''promised vegetable patch'', lest you wander around the allotment (which is british for a home grown veg patch)
or the green peas you are loyal to!
You VEG-PHEME! Repent of your evil ways!
No! You LIE! You do not KNOW the vegetable God, for if you did you would know that He judges NO vegetable! He does NOT unlovingly differentiate between His chosen vegetables!
Me a liar??? I think not you poor weak deluded one... It is YOU that does not know the true vegetable God, if you DID know him you would know that he loves all vegetables except the evil BS! When will you accept that the BS is the vegetable of darkness, posing as the vegetable of light???
You are false, infidel! Only the CHOSEN can commit the "holely" BS to fire... and not for the purpose of destruction but for culinary EXCELLENCE!! That you believe you even have such authority shows ME that you are a false vegetable prophet... because all TRUE veggie prophs KNOW that BSs are GOOD for the fire...and the fire GOOD for them!
You are mistaken you heathen! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE! I am the CHOSEN SPROUT to save vegetable-kind... Who not better then to be sent than another sprout! I know how these sprouts work!
the lowly BS causes NO such cramping in TRUE believers!
It cause NO such cramping in those that belong to him! You are being misled by this evil ball of smelly greeness!
And the "wind" is just as necessary a bodily function as any other! Otherwise... we would explode!! Yet, the humble crucifer can ASSIST us in performing this natural... and much needed... expulsion!
Why do you need the stinkyness of the BS??? Does it give YOU great pleasure to ''gas'' those around you... Where is YOUR Love Shelby?? Does not Mr Shelby think ''woman stay off those BS you STINK''...
I had an epiphany!
You were dragged to the dark side more like!
I realized that these little beings needed the nutrients provided by vegetables, including, perhaps, the lowly BS.
Vegetables yes but not the arrogent, opinionated BS! Who are you fooling woman?? Yourself and out to mislead the massses!
As I was pondering this, I was immediately hit by a NEW light which came upon me (from my TV, maybe, okay), and I heard a voice say, "I am Julia Child"! But I was SURE the voice also said: "You MUST give them vegetables - they're good for them - and so you MUST prepare them in a way that they will enjoy eating them!"
I'm sorry this really made me laugh *cough* I mean you heathen! Turning away from the vegetable God to follow a woman on tv! *said with all the scorn I could muster*
And as a result of this event, I purchased a pound or so of small pods... then raced back home to prepare them in the manner I had observed from the Great Child. The result? Scrump-dili-ishus-ness! Even if I may say so myself!
You think YOU can redeem the BS?? I think NOT! Only I the great WATERSPROUT, the CHOSEN one of the MIGHTY VEGETABLE GOD can save YOU ALL! I can save you from boiling, sauteing, steaming, baking, grilling yourself to BBQ hell!
So, you see... I was NOT misled, not at all! Rather, I was brought forward... into the TRUE light... of how to prepare ordinarily stinky vegetables actually quite well! Why in the WORLD would I go BACK... to the days of judging and condemning [formerly putrid] vegetables to destruction... simply because I didn't know how to cook them well? I will NOT go back!
You may have no choice! It may be too late for you!
Do NOT listen to the infidel, dear ones! She is only trying to lead YOU to the very fire (of everlasting bar-b-que) that she wants for our beloved brussels sprout. Don't listen to her, for she only wishes to shut of the kingdom of the kitchen garden before you! Turn away, turn away!
TURN AWAY from this HEATHEN who LOVES BS soo much she is willing to take you ALL with her into BBQ hell! Follow me and I will lead you into the promised vegetable patch
Hands OFF me, you bearer of refrigerator light which goes dark as soon as you close the door! (SA kicks legs and shakes WS off ankles...)
You can't get rid of me, i'm tough little sprout! *wraps her sprout arms around Shelby's ankles and doesn't budge no matter how much Shelby kicks out*
Thanks for the recipe, I refuse marg it's one molecule away from plastic... Nasty stuff... I use a proper vegan alternative.
Peace my sister!
Omigosh, WS (peace, love, light... and turnips... to you, dear one!): you are cracking me UP, girl!
But don't let that fool you, you vegetable infidel, you. Yeah, I've go to go walk my puppies for a bit, now, but I intend to pray with all fervor to the vegetable god that I know and serve so as to be able to resist you! HE will give me a response so that I can make a reply. So, gird up your loins (preferably pork loin - uh-huh, yeah, I hit below the belt with THAT one, didn't I? Don't underestimate the power of MY veggie god, girl - MUAAAHAHAHAHAH!) and get ready. You will NOT win me over to the dark side that is unfairly judging and persecuting the humble brussels. I will fight... FIGHT, I tell you... until my last breath is delivered up! I will NOT go silent into the night... nor will my soul be left in the allotment!
In the meantime (SA closes eyes, folds hands, and bows head):
Yea, though I might walk through a VALLEY of brussels sprouts (aka known as Salinas, CA... which is about an hour down the road)... I will NOT fear your evil! For the NEW light of the Great Child is WITH me... so that I can not only lie down in those pastures... but heat up my frying pan with a little oil and garlic... and rest! I will lack nothing (other than perhaps a bottle of Tabasco, 'cause my stomach can't take that any longer, but regular 'ol hotsauce works just fine!), and t hose rods of pods will comfort me! And once I'm done cooking 'em I will arrange a banquet table for you, the one showing hostility toward me... and FORCE you to eat them! Then I will pour the oil from the pan off on your head... so that it runs over (basically, "anointing" you with brussel-infused oil... which you will NOT be able to scrub off!)... while filling MY cup with Pinot Noir!
Surely, then, good eating and a sated palate will follow ME all the days that I am able to cook and imbibe of these succulent morsels and I WILL dwell in the "promised vegetable patch"... okay, in the house it belongs to... FOREVER!
So... there!
My wish for piece(s) of brussels for YOU... remains!
SA, on her own... ROFL!!
P.S. Girl, pay attention and don't burn that dear man's dinner - LOLOLOL!! Wait... maybe that's why you don't like brussels - you BURN them - HAHHAHAHAHAH!
Pray, PRAY?? To whom?? The vegetable God will not hear your prayers! You alone have shut up the vegetable heavens with your putrid love for the BS!
You have made your choice, you will now wander the allotment for the next 40 years... You will wander and mourn for those little balls of evil, no longer will you have stinky wind! No longer will you be slave to the vegetable of darkness!
I will redeem all you lost souls and bring you back into favour with the GREAT VEGETABLE GOD!
You THINK you can force ME the MIGHTY Watersprout) to eat BS *laughs scornfully* NEVER will YOU force ME to eat those sprouts. NEVER I tell YOU!
Then I will pour the oil from the pan off on your head... so that it runs over (basically, "anointing" you with brussel-infused oil... which you will NOT be able to scrub off!)... while filling MY cup with Pinot Noir!
HA! The oil will not penetrate my holiness! It will simply slide off and slither back to it's master the BS! You think drinking ''Pinot Noir'' will SAVE YOU! Heathen you are MISTAKEN! Never will the BS win.... Turn away and save yourself! You bowels are deserving of that at least!
Peace *from the one whose wind smells like strawberries, cause she ain't eating no rotting vegetables*
Shel I have been laughing soo much over this war.
Well, I have come to the conclusion, oh traitorous Sprout (love you, girl - LOLOL!), that I am doing nothing more than throwing my pearls of BS before a non-swine masquerading as a "true" vegetarian; your rejection of the lovely and flavorful brussels, however, has shown me what you TRULY are: a cucumber (which is NOT a vegetable but a FRUIT)... in vegetable's "clothing"! IMPOSTER and false veggie proph, you!
I have NO choice, therefore, but to shake the compost off my very "comely" feet... and leave this plot of land, once and for all, lest I be bitten by poisonous garden snails... or forced to bow down to the image of the god of root vegetables and so eat rutabegas and other "delicacies" -gag!!
Go, now, and return to wandering the barren fields (i.e., wilderness) with your orgy-inclinded carrots, corn, and peas! May the vegetable god, who is merciful... and save you from rotting... in the Lake of SUCCOTASH (where all "bad" vegetables eventually wind up!)!
SA, on her own... signing off and giving dear Voice (peace, my bruh!) back his thread - LOLOLOLOL!
Ok ok ok...*raises hand*
I confess. I love Brussel Sprouts. I hated them until I was 40 years old. Then, I discovered the fresh 'button' ones cooked til soft with butter and pepper on and lo and behold ...I was converted.
Phew, that feels much better *heaves a big sigh of relief*.
Loz x
I'm gunna be sick ****just the thought of eating brussel sprouts****
