"Feeling sorry for yourself" about being hit by your husband is not Christian 2/15/12 WT Page 25 P 12

by yourmomma 449 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  Joe Grundy

  I have just read this whole thread, and I have no option but to post.

  I post as a retired (senior police officer - UK) and as a victim of spousal abuse. Yes, husbands can be the victim of domestic abuse as well.

  First, all power to those who have forwarded this article to the various domestic violence groups. May I also suggest that it be forwarded to news agencies (PA, Reuters, etc.). It is current, there is no doubt that the article appears to condone domestic violence, and it could make a great news story (for example for the new 'Sun on Sunday' or the 'Sunday Mail'). I believe that it could be picked up and 'run with' on several fronts. Maybe 'The Guardian' or 'The Observer' would be the best targets.

  Second, let me explain just how seriously domestic violence is treated in the UK. Police will attend and will (unless there are overwhelming reasons not to) arrest the alleged abuser. He or she will be charged with the assault if the evidence supports it, and the fact that the abused party may wish to withdraw the complaint will be taken into account, but the abuser can still be prosecuted even if the victim declines to give evidence. In every case of reported domestic violence/abuse the officer attending completes a full report. This is vetted by their shift supervisor and submitted to the supervising Inspector. As Inspector, I had to examine every report and 'sign off' the action taken. This was not a 'rubber stamp' exercise. Other agencies would be consulted and action would be taken. The responding officer, his supervisor, and I were all accountable for our actions or lack of action. Third, for readers in the UK who are suffering domestic violence/abuse - call 999. There is no need or reason to put up with this - a whole range of support is available. As a 'homicide detctive' (to resound with our US friends) I could tell you a whole load of stories where things just went too far. Lastly, as a victim of domestic violence myself, I'll tell my story in the hope that it encourages others. My estranged wife is a Filipina, about 4'10". I am substantially taller and heavier but extremely restrained. In my 'domestic violence' incident she peaked by throwing my best chef's knife at my chest. I managed to deflect it with my hand, but it sliced the back of my hand open. There was a lot of blood and I called '999'. Two paramedic ladies soon arrived, closely followed by two police ladies. The lights and sirens no doubt gave the neighbours something to talk about! My physical and emotional scars are more or less healed, my estranged wife now has a criminal record, and life has moved on (pending divorce). It is comforting and reassuring to know that domestic violence is taken seriously - even when you're a big strong guy and you are the victim. My 'bottom line' is: do not accept domestic abuse. Report it, every time! Any organisation which condones this abuse is wrong and evil. PS: I'm sorry about the text formatting in this post. It went wrong and I don't know how to fix it. I hope my message isn't deleted. If any reader thinks I can help I will respond to PMs.
• 

  finally awake

  I had a friend from high school who got involved with an abusive man. She stayed with him despite all the abuse, trying harder and harder to please him. He beat her to death in front of her 2 preschool children and his other 2 "wives". It took him several hours to finish beating her, and he beat at least one of the other wives at the same time. He is currently serving life without parole, thankfully. She was only in her mid 20s when she was murdered.

  There is no way to appease an abusive partner - nothing the victim does will ever make the abuser "see the light". That sort of change only comes from within, and putting up with abuse does nothing to incentivize the abuser to change. Some people just mellow with age - it's not because the victim displayed such sterling qualities.
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  insearchoftruth

  bringing this bttt so it stays in peoples minds as the article study approaches.
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  MMXIV

  I've just come across this thread and had to read pretty much all of it. So many tragic experiences - sorry to all those who have suffered or are suffering (even if like Mr Flipper you weren't the victim).

  Firstly domestic violence victims go through some powerful thought processes and feelings - typically self blame is a part of the cycle. On average in the UK (and I'm sure this doesn't differ significantly from other western countries) it takes 35 assaults before the victim comes forward to the police. Often they then return to the abusive partner due to control the abuser still tries to exert - this may be financial as the victim doesn't have money to live elsewhere or there are threats relating to children.

  To be part of a controlling religious organisation that seeks to self remedy (or in reality contain the issue) that reinforces the belief that the victim is to blame is blatently damaging. Also a religion that does not support the victims (particularly where the abuser is a JW) clearly demonstrates it not only sympathyses with the abusers but creates conditions under which this thrives.

  As I've been led to believe the WBTS often writes articles in response to letters about situations that are occuring in the congregations. This must crop up frequently and the governing body is telling it's female members to put up with domestic violence, not report it and hope it goes away.

  About a third of all murders in the UK relate to domestic violence and each murder costs over £1.5m to investigate. It is a widespread problem and complex to deal with even though the police have, as Joe Grundy mentions, been treating this as a high priority for a long time. I recently spoke to the domestic violence advisor to the UK home secretary and she admitted the scale of the issue is significant - perhaps 16-20% or all crime.

  I would urge any women, whether a JW or not, who has been abused by their husband or partner to contact the police. Don't stop to justify that you still love your partner (or they love and need you), or that you might be to blame, or that you think they won't do this again. In virtually all cases they will do this again and again and it may get worse. Especially where children are involved. The police will help you. Your life will get better. But you need to act now.

  mmxiv
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  flipper

  There's not a day that goes by that I often wonder how my JW sisters life would have been so much better and stress free had the JW organization not guilted her into staying with an abusive JW husband for 20 years. WT society has a lot to answer for. Bump to the top , Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Joe Grundy

  I whole-heartedly endorse everything said by MMXIV.

  Support systems are in place and are there to be used - and they range from the immediate to the long-term.
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  Gayle

  The meeting for this article is in the last week of April. I hope more than a few wake up when that is studied. They should feel ashamed.
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  Joe Grundy

  Gayle: I can only hope so.

  This is not the place for 'war stories' but yes, I did deal with murders which had their origins in 'minor domestic abuse'. And I don't share my experience as a victim lightly.

  This is a deadly serious issue, and it deserves to be raised again, and again, and again until the message is driven home. Abuse is not acceptable and should not be tolerated.
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  insearchoftruth

  BTTT, the study of this article is at the end of the month of April.
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  ziddina

  Bumping this thread again.

  I hope that someone continues to bump it until the article is studied towards the end of April.