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factfinder

Twisty-

I am glad you found this place! As others have said- there is a lot of helpful advice here and people who have experienced the same things when they were witnesses.

I also want to caution you about mentioning certain things to those in your cong: do NOT tell them you come to this forum or that you read COC.

My jw brother disowned me because I come to this forum and won't return to meetings.

As 3rd gen stated: it is TRAUMATIC learning the truth about the truth, that what we believed with all our hearts as being the absolute truth from Jehovah, is NOT TRUE after all.

I am faced with many conflicting feelings, doubts, and loss of belief because of it. It is not easy.

There are so many on jwn who encourage me and I know they will encourage you and your wife as well.

Take care!

still thinking

Hey there Twisy...and Mrs Twisty Welcome and prepare to be amazed, shocked and stunned!! I was when I joined here, and learnt the things I have learnt.

You will get the education of your life,by sifting through the invaluable information on this site and you will have support no end, by people who are strangers to you,and you to them. As many have already said,most of us have been where you are today,it only gets better.

I`ll put in a plug for Don Camerons book from lulu "Captives of A Concept" it`s priceless at around $7:00 on-line

smiddy

Twisty

It really is quite encouraging to see the amount of support given here.

I believe we are quite fortunate to have started looking past the publications and listening to that little nagging voice while we are both still in our mid 20's.

We are fortunate to be in this together, but it was not always the case my wife only recently started really listening and thinking on what i said.

Previously i would bring up a point of concern and i could see it didnt really hit her heart.

I think the change came for her when i just asked her to be honest with herself and to ask "Why do you want to go to the meetings?"

After that there were no more emotional outbursts(she is very emotional) about lack of field service and meeting attendance.

Last night she wanted to discuss our public postion to elders,friends and family who enquire about our spirituality or apparent lack thereof.

We came to a reply along the lines of "We are taking a break from the organisation to re-examine the Bible by ourselves."

I'm not sure what this response will bring but i dont think the family will shun us completely.

Im hoping for the best.

Thanks again for all the warmth shown here.

Twisty

Black Sheep

I would suggest busy, work commitments, ill, or depression before expressing doubts.

Don't burn any bridges until you have done your homework.

Every warning about the 'weak' or apostate you ever got in a mag, convention, or KH, they heard too. Don't think for a minute that your family or friends are different and will take a liberal view.

sizemik

Last night she wanted to discuss our public postion to elders,friends and family who enquire about our spirituality or apparent lack thereof.

This is the very first area where you might need to exercise caution. Something quite harmlessly spoken can suddenly become repackaged under a new agenda. Elders/Friends/Family who enquire, are often much less accommodating than we imagine. Tell them as little as possible . . . nothing at all is best. As it stands you may get some awkward questions . . . having an answer ready that tells them nothing is good preparation. O/wise they'll talk about you and soon have a label for you. Aposta-phobia is at a high right now. You don't want that label.

It's a good thing you're both young and on the same page . . . but make sure you do the research and "deconstruct the cult experience" as another poster put it . . . with your wife especially. It helps to know exactly what you're dealing with.

nugget

Hi you are where we were 18 months ago. In the beginning there is a lot of anger and sadness. After reading CofC I just felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet. Things get better and although there is loss there is also so much hope in life and humanity and discovery and freedom to be who you can be.

Be careful about what personal information you post since even in the members only section it does not take much for elders to register and have access to everything you post. We had 2 turn up at our home with our posts here printed out. By that time we were ready to turn our backs on the organisation for good and had accepted the loss of relationships as a necessary consequence of that so it mattered little.

Good luck with your fade.

nugget

I agree with black sheep, doubts will bring the Elders round like a shot to examine whether you have crossed the line into apostacy. A simple statement thanking them for their concern and stating that you are dealing with some personal issues at the moment and need some space. you know where they are if you need them.

Black Sheep

Don't accept shepherding calls.

Don't answer questions that are remotely church related.

Put caller ID on your phone. If you do get an Elder on the phone, hang up politely and quickly.

Never tell a JW about a problem with the org. If you must say something, make it a question but even then, you are inviting trouble as 99% of the time they will use it to change the subject and, while you are green, you will fall for it and give them something to give the game away when you are not ready. Spend some time learning how to control a conversation.

I'm sure there are many other traps our members have fallen in to. We have all made mistakes.

Please take it slow.

Chris

Pams girl

Welcome along Mr & Mrs Twisty, glad you found us! I too stumbled across this forum after studying for 6 years and was weeks away from Baptism....it saved my life really. You will be ok here with us, keep posting! Best wishes.

Paula, off to finish decorating her 1st Xmas tree in 6 years....

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