Having a huge disagreement over a very petty matter. HELP!!

by Magwitch 44 Replies latest jw friends

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  Magwitch

  My best friend and I have come to blows over such a petty thing. I would love to get the input of other people on this matter. Please give me your honest answer so I know if I am out of touch.

  I live in a community with mostly single profession people in their 40's and 50's. Most of us know each other well. We all seem to own cats and/or dogs. When one of us goes on vacation there is always someone to take care of the abandoned pet(s). Three years ago I was taking care of a lady's 4 cats for 3 weeks. Daily feeding and cleaning out 4 cat boxes. One day on the way out of her house I grabbed a bottle of rum - leaving a quick note saying I took it and will replace it (which I did). She never asked me again to take care of her cats - and she let the neighbors know I was out of line. Well, last week she was out of town again and another neighbor was taking care of the cats. This new pet sitter borrowed a bottle of wine (leaving a note). The cat lady was furious! My BF agrees whole heartedly with the cat lady. I do not understand, if someone has the code to my home than they are welcome to anything in the fridge, pantry, wine cabinet etc. I love that people feel comfortable and help themselves when they come over, whether I am home or not. My BF thinks taking something (even with the intent to replace) is VERY WRONG. Input please........
• 

  leavingwt

  I'm sorry that this happening to you.

  In these cases, we must defer to how the property owner views his or her property. Each person is different. But, it's their property and they should be able to decide how it will be used or not used.

  This being said, if these bottle of rum/wine are nothing out of the ordinary, then one wonders why the big fuss?
• 

  Jomavrick

  Dear Magwhich,

  I think it matters how well you know the person to some extent and can see it both ways. On the one hand if you are comfortable enough with someone looking over your place, you would think you trust them implicitely and would not mind if they replace something of little consequence. However having said that, some people are very sensative about thier "things" and I can see that they see that as a violation of trust or something. Of course if you knew the person better you might know thats how they would view that act.

  Your right what might not be a big deal to you might be to someone else. It is also a fact that you might not know that the bottle you took or replaced might have had special meaning to that person, special gift from someone, a loved one, so it might not have just been a bottle of rum but something irreplaceable. Although im sure thats not the real issue in this case.

  If this person is older, it could be that she is just crabby like some older people get to be. My advise is steer clear of Cat Ladys althogether,,,
• 

  Magwitch

  Thanks Lvwt and Jomavrick!

  She is only 35 but going on 75.
• 

  Ding

  Sorry to say that I agree with your BF... unless you had a close relationship with the cat lady to begin with where that sort of thing was clearly understood to be okay. Obviously, she didn't see it that way. I wouldn't either. Legally, she could have charged you with theft (even leaving a note with full intent to replace) unless you had her express permission to take it.

  A few years ago, we paid some neighborhood teenagers to come to our home to feed our pets. Later, one of their parents told us that they had come with the kids, looked at all the rooms in our house including our bedroom (which had nothing to do with where the pets were), and proceeded us lecture us on our level of cleanliness. Of course, their rudeness astounded us. But even if they had complimented us on our level of cleanliness, we still would have been incensed that they felt free to wander throughout the house to satisfy their curiosity. Our view was that we had given their children permission to come in the house for a very specific purpose and that nosing around unrelated areas of the house by their parents constituted a gross invasion of privacy. We have never invited them over again.
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  scooterspank

  To add to what leavingwt said. We don't always know how much something costs. I work in a very small office so my boss has wine ($$$ wine) delivered to the office. One day his partner's son, who cleans the office, helped himself to a bottle. It was worth over $200.00. Needless to say my boss was not happy. Also there is the issue as jomavrick mentioned of whether something has sentimental value. If it's a problem for her perhaps she should have told the second person that she would like her things left alone. And if she was upset with you she should have nicely explained why and made amends (you did watch her 4 cats for 3 weeks).
• 

  Magwitch

  This is helpful! Thank you Ding and scooterspank.

  I guess I have a very "what is mine is yours attitude toward anything other than my kids and pets". I may need to adjust my thinking.

  Sorry to hear of your experience Ding!
• 

  dontplaceliterature

  Magwitch,

  You would be welcome to take anything from my house and replace it if you were watching my pets! But, I come from a southern background and have been raised to show that sort of hospitality. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that. My wife, for instance, is a pretty stingy person (but otherwise a very lovely person!). She works very hard to overcome it, but her natural inclination is not to share with others. She would have a meltdown about something like this if you were not first given her permission, or didn't at least ask ahead.

  I think you are right to have a poor opinion of the person for their reaction. Sounds like someone I wouldn't go out of my way to be friends with...
• 

  Magwitch

  dontplaceliterature - You and I sound a lot alike. But, I find it iteresting that we may be in the minority.
• 

  NewChapter

  In the end, the whole thing is silly. It would not bother me personally, but I don't think I'd take anything from someone's house. However, if that is your mindset and what motivated you, then it was pretty innocent. When the neighbor confronted you, and you replaced the bottle and apologized it should have just been over. It was a misunderstanding---an unseen boundary crossed. It happens. Everyone just needs to get over it, and definitely quit discussing it if it is causing tension with your friend. It's just not worth it.

  NC