It is SO depressing when you just can't get through to someone

ilikecheese

I have been hitting a brick wall trying to pry my boyfriend away from this stuff. It just makes me cry that it's SO obvious to me how wrong it is, and he's not even batting an eyelash. He KNOWS about all of the scandals, all of the false prophecies, the coverup of sexual predators, that elders tell abuse victims to stay with their spouses, that they dishonestly use sources, and he just doesn't CARE. I pretty much know at this point that I will never marry him and our breakup is imminent, but it doesn't make his refusal to reconsider this stuff hurt any less. I care about him and I want him to see the light.

Bleh. Any of you having similar problems? Want to share and commiserate? Down a few e-pints? Or two dozen?

Black Sheep

Does he know that Jerusalem did not fall in 607 BC?

ilikecheese

I've told him about all of the Jerusalem stuff, and about the fact that the article talking about it was dishonest in regard to the source material. Thanks to this board and the people on it for all the info on that! Still didn't phase him, though. He still contends that they're the only ones who are living right. Makes me wonder how many times he may have been dropped on his head as a child.

Though I'm Christian, I wouldn't even particularly care if he was atheist or anything. As long as he wasn't a part of a destructive group like this. It's almost scary how unaffected he is by all of it.

nugget

It is incredibly frustrating when someone seems impervious to all this stuff. It hurts when someone you have known all your life will not give you 5 minutes to explain why you feel how you do and only wants to talk about whether you have notified your relatives of your imminent Df'ing so they can shun you appropriately.

Unless someone is ready to hear they will not listen they will not check nor will they care whether you are right. It becomes less about belief and more about belonging. I wish there was a magic formula to wake someone up but the information has to mean something to them and if they don't care whether it is right or wrong then they won't care that they have been sold fiction as fact.

In some ways it is better the know where you stand sooner rather than later even though it is heartbreaking and painful.

ShadesofGrey

Everyone is different. If it weren't for Christ I would have never left the cult.

I would like us all to help you. There are experts on this as well, of course. The minister who runs JWinfo.net helped me the most. So far witnessing to family is going well but only because I do as I am told. God has directed me to certain ones and not others, etc.

Are you praying for him? Is God directing you to try to help him? Have you read Christian books on the topic? Have you told him what is wrong with the JW Lord's Evening Meal and why?

And yes... there are some that we aren't going to reach. They aren't reachable or not ready.

ilikecheese

Nugget, it is good I suppose that if we do end over this, it will be just a longterm relationship rather than marriage. You're right, it is good to know where I stand now rather than later. It's just really sad to think about it. That something to petty would get in the way.

Shades, thanks for your offer of help. I'll check out that website you suggested. I have been praying. It's funny, too, because I'll start praying and end up opening to something in the Bible that I think will help on the first random page I go to. I like to have faith and think that's maybe for a reason. A few times I've really got him to thinking on the topics I bring up. He's even admitted that he feels some of the things that the JWs say may not be right. I even got him to come to church with me a few times. I thought I was making headway, but it seems like the more I make him think a little bit, the harder he sticks to it. It's like when he starts thinking, he feels guilty or something. He turns into super JW man! Rather than x-ray vision, he has selective vision?

Can you recommend any particular books apart from those Raymond Franz books? I feel so helpless particularly because I don't know what it's like. My family is free from any JW-ness. My only real experience prior to this was some poor kid who had to leave the class in third grade whenever we had a holiday party, just to sit in the office til it was over. He never liked it. I felt bad for him.

Black Sheep

I've told him about all of the Jerusalem stuff

Telling a cult member stuff just IDs you as an opposer. That gives them an excuse to not listen to you.

You might have told him that Jerusalem did not fall in 607 BC, but I bet he didn't believe you.

They think they are teachers. They think they have a message that will save your sorry arse from their killer god. Use that to get him to answer questions. If he doesn't have an answer that you could give to a potential convert with a clean conscience, you won't join his church and his god will kill you, soon, at Armageddon.

Don't tell him that. Ask questions to get him to tell you that. Then you can use his words to guilt him into doing some serious research instead of pathetic excuses for why he isn't getting around to it.

Ask questions

Ask him to prove any crappy answers.

The primary doctrine is that Jesus selected the WT in 1919 to be god's sole channel. Ask him questions that get him to tell you all of that. When you ask "When?", and he has answered 1919, you want to know how he arrives at that date?

Don't tell him you will dump him if he doesn't wake up. That is just emotional blackmail. However, dumping him is your best option if he won't face up to his cognitive dissonance. You don't want to have the father of your children telling them that Jehovah is going to kill Mummy.

Sorry I don't have any easy suggestions.

Chris

Joliette

I know, it is right? Just never forget that there are people who UNDERSTAND what you are going through. Chances are, five years ago, I was just like your boyfriend, but I finally woke up. I'll send you a PM in the next couple of days. Just remember, we are always thinking of you, and other ex-Jehovah's Witnesses.

Black Sheep

Go to the library and get any decent book that teaches critical thinking.

Try to find one that contains exercises that you can do together. Do not bring up religion while you do this. Let him do that.

A good one is "Teach Your Child How to Think"..............

.................... Then ask him questions

ilikecheese

Thanks, Joliette. =)

And thanks for all of the tips, Black Sheep. I'll give it a try. I know that sometimes when we really get into the religious debate, I can get less than focused on being more of the "question asker." I try not to get too "oh, that's wrong," but sometimes I just can't help it. He brings it up so much as the "problem" with us that it's hard to not get frustrated. I'm just glad he put some heavy pressure on me to try his church out, otherwise I never would have known about everything. This site has helped a ton, too! I really do appreciate you guys. I've been reading here forever. And I will definitely try harder to be the question asker and less the "enemy." That's a good approach I should be more inclined to try.

It is SO depressing when you just can't get through to someone

Share this