What would you do if your JW spouse did...?

by garyneal 37 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Balaamsass

  She is a current JW ? Go on the County court site (most counties have them now) and show her her "Record has become a bad witness".

  Most Card companies will lower your line with a phone call. :)

  As far as the current ticket, call the court for an extention, two preferably for the court date. The officer involved may not be released for court if only ONE case is in court that day, or he may be a witness in a REAL case. In most courts: no cop = case dismissed. 50/50 shot. At least she can plead out for a lower fine/traffic school.-California
• 

  carla

  whoa Gary! everything she does affects YOUR credit rating for the rest of your life (if you are legally married), you must find a way to get through to her. Tell her she is not being fair to you or herself. Tell her she is being a bad witness by overextending herself like this, eventually YOU will be paying those bills even if you are not married to her. (I have a family member that was going through a divorce and the ex maxed out 3 cards, store credit cards, medical bills, etc... and he had to pay 1/2 of all those bills because they were legally still married) Maybe you could threaten to go ask the kh for some financial help because she is being so irresponsible you don't know what else to do? yeah, that would start WW3 but........

  As for the license? I suggest letting her take her lumps. Sometimes you have to pay the piper before you learn. If she has no license it may be more difficult to go to the kh, go in fs, go rack up more credit card bills, etc... Though you would save on car repairs & insurance with her not driving! Maybe there is a grocery or gas station nearby she can walk to and get a job there? Hard as it is she may just need to hit rock bottom in her selfish ways before she wises up. It has been my experience that jw's will often spend away because in the back of their mind the big A is right around the corner and they will not have to pay it back. It is not until you point out that what they are doing is ruining the family and THEY will be the ones to take that blame and it will be made known who was at fault. Like the wt they don't like don't bring reproach upon the witnesses or they see old people who have nothing and they play both sides, yes, the big A is right around the corner but just in case maybe I better be a little prepared financially just in case it takes longer to get here.

  I dunno Gary, she is playing a dangerous game with all your futures.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  garyneal - I've considered counseling, in fact I have suggested it over and over. To no avail. I may consider it alone, but I really think it would be more beneficial if we both went. I'm not holding my breath.

  Hi garyneal. My ex-wife did not want to go to counseling either. I should have gone by myself, because maybe a counselor could have helped me to communicate better with my ex-wife. You could also read self-help books and even read them to your wife, such as Getting the Love that You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix (www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com ) or Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Grey. Your wife seems to have some incompatibility issues with your values, which could cause your family a lot of problems in the future. Good-luck!!

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  At least show her that, because of her actions in the budget, there's nothing left to donate at the Kingdom Hall.
• 

  Judge Dread

  I would say she is an apostate.

  JDW
• 

  garyneal

  I would say she is an apostate.

  I would say that technically, you're right.
• 

  garyneal

  At least show her that, because of her actions in the budget, there's nothing left to donate at the Kingdom Hall.

  Well, assuming that she is telling the truth (and not playing the theocratic warfare game) she has little money to donate anyway.
• 

  garyneal

  Carla,

  Sometimes, I am at my wits end. A part of me wants to at least make it known to the elders just to see what happens. BUT, I don't know.

  I guess I just don't know. I will leave it at that.
• 

  garyneal

  Your wife seems to have some incompatibility issues with your values, which could cause your family a lot of problems in the future.

  Yeah, that sounds about right. Funny, she blames me for not being quick to buy a house but she does not see how her actions can affect that. I try to lay out a plan so that we can get all the things we want, only for her to go do her own thing because of her perceived lack of urgency on my part.
• 

  Hoffnung

  Hello Gary,

  Sorry to read about this kind of unnecessary stress for you. Actually financial problems (including differences about how to go about money) are one of the major reasons marriages break up (sex is the other one). If your spouse is behaving irresponsible with the money, she needs a realistic view of the matter. I made an excel with graphics to show our financial history to my wife, and where we would be if the situation (spending behaviour) would not change. I explained her I could not afford to support the continuous expenses, and I felt bad and failing as a husband and that even doing a lot of overtime hours could not close the gap. I requested her reduce the expectations on life, and if she wanted something extra, to put money aside herself on beforehand. If nothing helps, asking the bank to drastically limit the credit card limit, or even split the legal responsability by means of a marriage contract, if that is possible. I hope one of these suggestions helps.

  Hoffnung