Greetings, dear GN... and the greatest of love and peace to you! I had to think long and hard before responding... because I "see" something a bit different than perhaps some others here... and that is that, before you're a UBM and JW, you are a husband and wife.
First, I have to agree with dear tec (the greatest of love and peace to you, luv!)... that she is responsible for her actions... and you might have to let her be so... perhaps even not bailing her out. That depends. Second, I have to disagree with dear Carla (peace to you, dear one!) that you would blanketly be responsible for her credit card debt. My understanding (from personal experience, dear BOTR - peace to you!), is that if it is HER card (i.e., taken out in her name, alone, without you having signed on it), you can't be held responsible for it. That came about when men used to have credit/accounts unknown to their wives, divorce them, leaving wives with no credit of their own. This prompted legislation allowing wives to appy for and receive their own separate credit. It works as to husbands, too. Since credit cards are "unsecured" debt, the company might not be able to hold you responsible. Depends on the agreement... and perhaps your state. An attorney... or consumer credit counseling agency... can help you find out.
With all of that said, my question is "what" is "missing" from your wife's "life"... such that this is SO important to her that she's even willing to put a strain on her relationship with you? My guess... is the [very] UNfulfilling part of her life that is "JW." I have known a LOT of JW women who make up for... well, sheer BOREDOM... in this way: shopping, vacations, "re-doing" the house. I mean, c'mon... just how "exciting" is the JW life, really? Every one of those poor folks need a break every now and then... some more than others. Don't get me wrong: worldly people go through it, too...
May I ask: have you asked her why this is SO important that she is willing to jeopardize her relationship with you... your familial financial situation... her schooling... and even her "standing with Jehovah"? What I mean is perhaps you can find out what's "missing"... that she is apparently trying to "fill."
I sense, from your words, that you are "nervous" about debt (and that's understandable, in light of your previous payoff). Could it be that you're a little TOO "nervous," so much so that your current handling of the "purse-strings" is causing her to push back? I get the impression that you dear folks have recently had to change your lifestyle; surely, she knew that when you two embarked on your current path (her not working, going back to school, etc.). Was the "change" gradual? Planned for? Did you guys kind of ease into it? Or did she have to jump in "cold turkey"?
If the latter, you might be witnessing her "withdrawal" (i.e., missing some of what you all used to be able to do and unable to control the impulses, etc.).
Unless you're planning on walking (and I don't get that, at least not from this thread)... I think you should at least try getting to the bottom of this, her "need/desire" as to this trip. It might be a "Well, it's what we've always done"... to which you can help her see that, because of your current situation... you guys can't do what you've always done, right now. Maybe she's feeling like she needs to "get away." I don't know about the other ladies on the board but I, for one, can certainly identify with that. And when I need to get away... there's not much that can stop me. Yes, it might cost some money... even be a little expensive... but whatever it costs is, in MY mind, worth it... and lot less than the hospital/therapy bills we might have to pay if I don't get away and "lose my mind" as a result - LOLOL!
What about a compromise? I mean, if she just needs to get away does it HAVE to be Disneyworld? Does it HAVE to be, say, 10 days, versus, say 5? Can the accommodations be downgraded (I mean, maybe you just can't do it the WAY you folks have "always" done it... know what I'm sayin'?)?
What I'm saying is... you every right to vent... but you really have an obligation to try and resolve this... WITH your wife. Maybe you can't, I dunno. But if you haven't tried [everything] maybe you should.
Bottom line? As some say, "If Mama ain't happy... ain't nobody happy." That really is what you're experiencing, right now - "Mama" ain't happy... about something... and so is insisting on "her" way... even if that way is potentially damaging to your relationship/finances.
Find out what's REALLY going on with her. Don't talk about it at home. Take her out for a bit (not Spago's, but certainly not Dairy Queen)... and talk it out. Let her know you WANT her to be happy... but can't see how this trip will work, just now. Tell her to CONVINCE you and that if she does, you're game. And BE game, if her plan is a good one. But tell her that you need HER agreement to postpone... if you can show HER... how it just doesn't make sense... right NOW.
Just my $0.02... and I hope it's worth it... 'cause it just saddens my heart how many here are "going through it" marriage-wise, right now.
Peace... and strength... dear one!
SA, on her own...
