My Husband's Kids Have Cut Him Off

by headisspinning 33 Replies latest social family

  • headisspinning
    headisspinning

    Well, my husband's worst fear has happened. He told his kids, ages 15 and 10 that he was coming to visit them over the holidays. His ex-wife limits his telephone contact to one call per week, so when he called them last week to arrange the specific days he would see them, his son told him that he got baptized back in September and would no longer be willing to see his father.

    This came as a complete shock. Nobody has said a word about any of this and now almost three months have passed and he has only been told now that his son will no longer associate with him.

    Then, to make is worse, his 10 year old daughter got on the phone and said that although she is not baptized, she is working towards it and so she has decided she won't see him anymore either.

    They both told him that if he returns to the religion and gets reinstated, then they would be open to seeing him.

    As you can imagine, he is devastated.

    He spoke to both of the kids again a couple of days ago and he told them that this was a total shock to him and that it isn't right that he wasn't told his son's plans BEFORE it happened. He told them that he is well within his rights to fight this legally, but at the same time, he doesn't want to alienate them by forcing visitation. He made it clear how upset and also hurt he is, but both kids were firm in their resolve 'to do things Jehovah's way'.

    He plans to write a letter to their mother and take her to task. Her allowing the kids to refuse visitation is contrary to their legal agreement but we feel it's best to confront HER about this - not the kids.

    Anyway, that's what's happening around here these days.

    And please keep in mind, these kids were fully indoctrinated by their father himself - he was VERY serious about their JW upbringing (brainwashing) and he blames himself for what's happened. HE trained them this way and now it's blowing up in his face :(

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    I'm so sorry that this is happening. I cannot even imagine how much this has hurt your husband.

    It's a reminder of how dangerous this particular high-control group really is.

    July 2009 Awake! page 29: “No one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family.”

  • designs
    designs

    heads- sorry to hear about this, let's hope cooler heads will prevail and your husband can visit under the 'essential business rule'. Crazy religion.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I wouldn't confront the ex or the kids. I'd call my lawyer. But I have passive-aggressive issues.

    Sorry this is happening to you. I love Leaving's Awake! quote. Good luck to you both.

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    headisspinning So sorry to read this dear. But I made my kids JWs also

    And my daughter ,granddaughter,& great grandson is forbidden to

    speak to me also....by the wicked & evil slave class (Old men at Brooklyn)

  • Snoozy
    Snoozy

    If he doesn't take control now he may as well forget it..

    If he doesn't take control now it will look like he just doesn't care.

    A father doesn't let his X dictate how many times he may speak to his children..or see them!

    Just saying..

    The kids are being brainwashed by the mom and he is letting her..

    It isn't too late for the kids..counseling would be good for them..courts would go for it also..

    Snoozy

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    I went to visit my grandparents yesterday, the first time since April when I told them the sentence the elders imposed upon me.

    Yesterday, I lost self-control over what I let my tongue say. I talked to my grandfather about Jeremiah 25:12 and the articles on 607...and the next thing I know, I'm saying very 'disloyal' things about the organization (1925/1975, ect...). I told him I could only believe what the Bible says...not earthling men. I could see by his expression he now believes I am in the "Evil Slave Class" and rebelling against "God". He hurried me away before my mother came to visit...I got the sense that he was worried what she would think if she found me visiting them. My mother would probably tell me never to visit them again.

    I shouldn't have said these things to him. But being isolated for so long without seeing friends or family face to face, I've lots of things pent up inside. Out of the heart's abundance, the mouth speaks.

  • skeeter1
    skeeter1

    He needs to get an attorney.

    I wonder if he can rewin custody back from his ex-wife becuase he can now prove that she is causing the kids to be alienated from him due to her religous teachings. I'm sure she is behind all of this. Judges will many times talk with the kids, in private, to find out what is going on. It sounds like he has some rights and he needs to press for them.

    Skeeter

  • Ding
    Ding

    Sooooo sorry all this is happening.

  • steve2
    steve2

    Visitation issues can be fraught at the best of times. Your husband needs to weigh up short- versus longer-term goals. To force the issue now is going to be perceived as corrputing your children's faith and will bolster their commitment to it, yet to 'let it go' risks appearing to not care. 10 and 15 year olds know absolutely everything - it's all about learning to take a stand for what one believes in. They can expres themselves with unbelievable levels of stridency and certainty. The younger they are, the more dogmatic they are...and they know they can hurt you.

    Your husband could write to them both letting them know how torn he is. He loves them both and wants to see them, but they are trying to keep true to their beliefs and do not want to see him.

    They may or may not get the letter - and, even if they do, they may choose not to read it. Never mind. He can keep a copy of that letter so that, in future years, should they want to contact him, he can say, "I've never stopped loving you both or caring for you or hoping that you'd contact me." Hold onto the well-known maxim: The first step in leaving the religion is getting baptized very young. The drop-out rate is phenomenally high.

    Focus on the longer-term, not the shorter.

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