My Husband's Kids Have Cut Him Off (page 2)

Mickey mouse

he could insist on his right to see them but what may be more effective is showing them unconditional love. Telling them his door will always be open to them. As teenagers they are bound to go through periods of questioning and doubt.

headisspinning

He doesn't want to do anything to upset them despite my reactive suggestions ranging from 'call the lawyer' to 'call your ex'... he made it very clear to them that he loves them and is just heartbroken and reminded them several times that if they ever need him or change their minds, to call him right away!

The kids know he loves them - there is no doubt about that - but they are very, very brainwashed and controlled. We just hope that one day they will need him and he will be there for them in a heartbeat.

Mad Sweeney

I LOVE the suggestion to try to get court-ordered counseling for the kids. Deprogramming works. The only reason it isn't done more often is because a person usually can't force a loved one into counseling. A court order CAN. Heck, I'd try to get custody while you're at it. Hit them with the dangerous blood doctrine, the aggressive hatred of anyone non-JW, the passive ok nod toward wife-beating, the pedophile coverups, EVERYTHING. They'll thank you later.

3dogs1husband

court order ASAP! CALL THE COPS to enforce it! Get a lawyer ASAP! Maybe try telling the kids tha he is their spiritual head? i dont know this sucks!!!!

jwfacts

I am sorry to hear that. It is shocking and must be terrible for your husband.

I do think you should pursue this legally. It is terrible for a religion to destroy families like this and should be made an example of. The courts will not look favourably on it.

With the children, try to get them to see that they are not doing things Jehovah's way, they are doing it a religions way. They are only that religion because they were born into it, like children in every other religion.

tec

First, (((((Headisspinning and hubbie))))))

Second, he needs to throw away the guilt. Stomp it into the ground. Because its not helping anyone, not him, and not his kids. All parents make mistakes. Small ones, big ones... Because we don't know any better either, because our parents didn't know any better either. But if he was doing the best he could with the knowledge he had at the time, then he needs to let go of the guilt that might be paralyzing him from acting now.

He has the right to tell his kids this - that he made a mistake, that he makes mistakes like anyone else, that he's sorry (probably already did that, I know), but also that he is still their father, and he loves them, and he will continue to be their father no matter what happens.

I would absolutely talk to the lawyer, especially about the illegal restrictions his X has placed on their contact with their father. She is isolating them. She is doing the wrong here... to his detriment, and the kids as well. He has rights. He has to enforce them. He might not be able to make his 15 year old see him or talk to him - in which case, keeping the door open to whenever his son wants to see him or needs him might be the best idea. But the ten year old? That is WAY too young to be able to make this decision. That is why there are courts that don't let the custodial parent have the final say on who else gets to see the children. You probably also could get that court ordered counselling, since the kids are being taught to shun their own father, simply because of this religion. That will have to be a red flag for any judge; seeing it in action before his eyes.

Peace and strength to you both,

Tammy

Hortensia

I'm very sorry to hear this, it must be heartbreaking.

NewChapter

He spoke to both of the kids again a couple of days ago and he told them that this was a total shock to him and that it isn't right that he wasn't told his son's plans BEFORE it happened. He told them that he is well within his rights to fight this legally, but at the same time, he doesn't want to alienate them by forcing visitation

Headspinning. I think he should reconsider this. I'm saying this from experience. I don't want to share details, because they are painful, but I made a decision to not upset my child, and I regret that. I love her dearly, and she loves me, but when I look back, I believe I didn't try hard enough. He is their father. The law and the bible both say they must be in subjection to him. Encouraging a minor child to cut off a father is an issue for the courts! The judge needs to hear this and intervene. That mother cannot be trusted with these children, and these days, undermining a parent is taken a bit more seriously in the courts. A judge needs to hear these children they will not associate with their father because of his religion, but if he chooses their religion, then they will associate. This will highlight that the children think he is a decent father, it is just his religion they object to.

I am not saying fight this battle just so you can be "right". I'm saying fight this battle because the regrets can run very deep and be long lasting. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN. Some decisions can never be reversed.

NC

steve2

Deprogramming works.

And so does torture (according to George Bush). Deprogramming comes from a genuinely contentious area of psychology. The notion that one group (e.g., the dominant group) can use psychological force on members of another group (e.g., the minority) to make them abandon their beliefs is repulsive. What is brainwashing to one group is Biblical inculcating to another. No registered health practitioner who values their practising certificate would ever advocate court-ordered deprogramming.

NewChapter

Headspinning, you have a pm.

My Husband's Kids Have Cut Him Off

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