lol, eh, turn the page...
So my JW wife cheated on me. Need some help or at least a sympathetic ear.
by JonathanH 147 Replies latest jw friends
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DesirousOfChange
New Chapter: CC has stepped in it. I'm sure if CC recommends visiting a swingers club, and that is not Jonathon's style, he simply won't take the advice. No biggie---
NC: CC has 13 posts since he started about swinging (in 3 pages) where a guy in a (he thought) monogomous relationship asked for help in his marriage. Jonathan hasn't jumped on board asking about Swinger Clubs. All I'm saying is give it break and go do a post about Swingers. I know several couples involved in the Lifestyle and I doubt it's the solution for Jonathan's issue, let alone taking the whole damn string over.
LifesTooShort: CC has some valid points. He just needs an interpetor/PR agent.
Valid points, yes. Girl may need some excitement in life.
Presently, Jehovah seems to have a poor PR agent, and nobody is suggesting giving WTS any slack over their methods of dominating with their opinions.
CC: I'm offering the experience of a guy who is quite successful in associated matters.
The "asociated matter" is not about one's success in persuading members of the opposite sex to enjoy alternative lifestyle exposure, it is about haviing a successful, long-term marriage or relationships (with one's wife or SO). CC: How many years have you been going to swing clubs with the SAME gal in an effort to build on your continuing relationship with (just) her. (Been there. Done that. Burnt the shirt.)
I'd just be hurt if I asked a group of friends for help in this matter, and it was dominated by "take her to swinger's club".
DOC (gonna shut up and have another beer)
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3rdgen
Keeping in mind the advice here, as somene who has "been there", do everything in your power to save your marriage that makes sense to YOU. If it works, GREAT...if not, you will always be at peace knowing you did all you could do within your power to give your marriage your "all".
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curiouscynic
All of my closest friends are women. At this moment, I'm sitting at the kitchen table talking over this thread with 3 women. If I'm not hanging out with girls, I'm hanging out with gay male friends. Typcially. I'm not a normal guy. But I'm good at girls, because I'm with them all the time. That's what I meant about success in associated matters. Women LIKE to be around me. It is from being the only male participant in many many many candid conversations with women that I draw my relationship knowledge. Granted the women I associate with are grown, open-mindend and feel no need for matching bra and panties [that last part is a current conversation point].
I've been to swinger's clubs with my current long term committed lady many many times. She is a very good girl, prudish even, she had ZERO interest in women and ZERO interest in swinging. She STILL HAS ZERO INTEREST IN SWINGING. But from time to time, she thinks it's a lot of fun to go to the club, and afterward we'll have sex 4 or 5 times a day for the next several days. So for me, the proof is in the pudding. Full disclosure, over time she did decide that she had some affection for the fairer sex and we've had a few 3somes.
I've also taken several female friends to swingers clubs with me. They also had no interest in swinging. They also had a great time at the club. I'm sure it's all about who you go with. But I've never had a bad experience and I've never had sex in a swinger's club.
Again... this is ONE of the suggestions I threw out. The only reason we're still talking about it is because those who can't read and want to jump to conclusions interpreted my suggestion as advocating wife-swapping. I did no such thing, I didn't even advocate a 3some as one other poster did.
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soft+gentle
we understand you curiouscynic - (don't we Mrs Jones)
Johnathon, CC has some good suggestions. Take on board the spirit of what he suggests and do it in your own way.
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mrsjones5
Yep
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zagor
So have you told her she will not go to his place without you yet? Try it, calmly but firmly. Don't make a scene. I can go on and on why this is important but bottom-line is sitting on sidelines will do you no good and may well be the last nail. Maybe instead of essays and dates what she really needs is for you to be rock she can depend on and I don't mean paying your bills on time. Us guys can sometimes get so wrapped in our own thinking/feeling that we fail to see what we look like from the outside.
You have to make decision. And trust me problem is not in decision but in indecision, lingering over your own feelings. And if she decides to go without you anyway, well I would tell her she doesn't have to come back, but that's just me. It will hurt you next three days, after that you will recover and you will be a better man. You will have discovered something about yourself you never knew was there. Trust me, psychologists and reasoning with her over it will do you no good. My mate (who faced something similar) summed it up in one sentence over beer the other day. "Attraction is not a choice." So reasoning with her about it will do absolutely nothing. Just say your ultimatum calmly and whatever you do DO NOT let yourself be dragged into a verbal match. If you do you will feel like shit and lesser version than you really are. From what I read you are good man. Be great by drawing the line first for yourself, as to what you can live with, and then for her what is acceptable if you were to be in trusting union called marriage. -
sizemik
All of my closest friends are women. At this moment, I'm sitting at the kitchen table talking over this thread with 3 women. If I'm not hanging out with girls, I'm hanging out with gay male friends. Typcially. I'm not a normal guy. But I'm good at girls, because I'm with them all the time. That's what I meant about success in associated matters. Women LIKE to be around me. It is from being the only male participant in many many many candid conversations with women that I draw my relationship knowledge. Granted the women I associate with are grown, open-mindend and feel no need for matching bra and panties [that last part is a current conversation point]
I've been to swinger's clubs with my current long term committed lady many many times. She is a very good girl, prudish even, she had ZERO interest in women and ZERO interest in swinging. She STILL HAS ZERO INTEREST IN SWINGING. But from time to time, she thinks it's a lot of fun to go to the club, and afterward we'll have sex 4 or 5 times a day for the next several days. So for me, the proof is in the pudding. Full disclosure, over time she did decide that she had some affection for the fairer sex and we've had a few 3somes.
I've also taken several female friends to swingers clubs with me. They also had no interest in swinging. They also had a great time at the club. I'm sure it's all about who you go with. But I've never had a bad experience and I've never had sex in a swinger's club.
. . . . curiouscynic
But of course . . . this thread is not all about you is it.
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JRK
Jonathan,
Hang in there, I feel your pain! I had a similar situation with my first wife. She cheated on me, told me in the morning when we woke up. She took a shower, and came into the bedroom naked and asked if I wanted anything. WTF?
The swinging thing that was suggested is BS. Be true to yourself! I would give you a proper man-hug if you were here right now. I know that disembowelled feeling you are going through.
Do not sell yourself short. Education isn't everything, and can be achieved later in life. I got my degrees in my 40's. You yourself said that you were one of the smart guys. I never thought I was, but had a GPA of 4.0 through college.
Have faith in yourself! Just know I care, as many others do. I wish you only the best in life!
JK