So my JW wife cheated on me. Need some help or at least a sympathetic ear. (page 11)

DesirousOfChange

Right now you are in a good position to ask for a threesome. Sounds heartless I know but its true.

Well, if Jon isn't really interested in preserving the marriage, at least this could be a fun diversion for a while, but she's likely to suggest the "other man" join them....Yuck!

I actually think some of curiouscynic's thoughts have merit (tho extreme). She probably is approaching 30 and in a "crisis" about where she is and where her life is going. I take it she is not preoccupied with raising children, which is usually the main emphasis a woman her age has. Then the crisis doesn't erupt until the kiddos are out of house as marrieds or off to college (no good JW situation of course), etc. I don't agree with the Swingers' Club suggestion. This is just too far out for most folks, let alone a JW who is still tied to the religion, and it would make Jon look like the Devil Incarnate. But demonstrating that there are new things yet to experience in your lives together is on track. It sounds like school & work have been on the front burners (all good goals), but she is questioning perhaps where her life is going. There are probably emotions torn between the new ramped up JW diatribes about "inactives" and her love in the marriage. Some see enjoying their relationship with a "worldly" or "fader" as a conflict with their loyalty to Jah.

COUNSELING is still the 1st step (despite CC's bad experience--many more commented on it favorably). Start off saying "we are here to SAVE our marriage, so the suggest to get a divorce is NOT an option, nor is the suggestion to "widen" our horizons with "other people". IF she won't go WITH you.....GO ALONE and hope that she will join you, although usually it is the alpha male who "doesn't need counseling". I think her full disclosure is a cry for help. Otherwise, she would have just kept it a secret or packed her bags and left.

Good luck in whatever choice you make. It is your life and your future and only you can decide and you will have to accept the consequences. If you take a chance and try to make it work, you can always change your mind later. If you pack up now, it's not likely you can "fix" it later.

DOC

sacolton

Pray she doesn't start sneaking around behind your back. Trust (the most important thing in a marriage) is at risk here. It will take both of you to salvage the marriage.

It won't hurt to pay a visit to the "other guy" and tell him to BACK OFF! (Bring a baseball bat)

StoneWall

DOC said

I think her full disclosure is a cry for help. Otherwise, she would have just kept it a secret or packed her bags and left.

I disagree with the above for the simple reason I've been around guys/gals were they had flings such as this and the overwhelming reason they "fessed" up was because they know how most guys are about not being able to keep something hidden/secret and actually bragging about it to other guys/friends about their latest conquest/triumph or "notch in their belt".

It's your life and you can view what happened anyway you want, BUT you've heard the saying," fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."

Think about the deceit involved here. It wasn't one of those times at work or some other location a guy gives a girl some attention and she has been feeling kinda low about herself and lets the guy maybe touch her boob or butt etc.. and then feels either guilty or ashamed that she let it get to that point.

No your wife from what you described deliberately lied to you (going out with the girls etc.) then intentionally wore a lingerie bra to expose her nipples. (that shoulda been a what the hell moment for you)

I wish you the best of a bad situation and only you have to live with your decision but I can't shake the feeling she was more worried about someone else OUTTING her than just being honest about what happened.

sacolton

True. Her wearing the lacy "sexy" bra for HIM was premeditated. If this was just a friendly kiss/hug that was unexpected, that's a whole different thing. She knew damn well what she wanted/expecting. It won't be easy for her to just "walk away" from the excitement of this fling. She will have to be 110% committed in saving the marriage. The other guy might not give her up so easily either.

Another thing, she had her tongue in his mouth. Obviously, she didn't consider the risk of herpies or any other transmitted disease that could have been passed on to you.

curiouscynic

Jesus... you guys sure do sound like a bunch of prude XJ-Dubs [I agree with many of DOC's points and primarily exclude DOC from that criticism].

She kissed a guy. So what? WHAT SHE DID IS NOT A BIG DEAL. Look at the big picture here. The actions she performed don't amount to anything all that serious. Too many guys spend too much time thinking of the women in their lives as "their women." They act like even an attraction to another man is an afront to the relationship. It just isn't reasonable to attempt to simplify an emotionally complex human being to such a degree. If you want my opinion [you probably don't] that's what's wrong with marriage in the USA.

Anyway... this girl doesn't need to be demonized and vilified by people who don't even know her.

My little brother and his wife were in the process of fading when his wife did basically the same thing Jonathan's wife did. Their solution was to go hardcore JW. She quit her job, they sold their house and they are now both regular pioneers "serving where the need is great." Problem solved. There are many ways to skin a cat.

I might be a little too wild, and my solutions may not be tolerable for some [the swinger's club was only ONE suggestion among many]. But I know how to have a good time and I know that if you keep a woman mentally and emotionally stimulated, then she's not likely to stray. Of course, another way to keep a partner faithful is to keep them feeling guilty, as in my brother's example. But my way's more fun.

Twitch

lol, you're certainly entitled to your opinion, CC. But nobody here is saying to guilt trip the girl to wit's end or constantly belittle her for her mistake as you imply. Some are saying that a trust has been broken and there is serious fallout to address. Maybe you don't think that's importaqnt but others do. Maybe it's not all about you. Your blanket judgement of opinions that don't agree with yours seems more indicative of what you accuse others of. What's the matter, your overblown ego can't handle disagreement? Your viewpoint is better? The OP posted this on a worldwide internet forum and will obviously garner a wide variety of opinions, of which yours is only one and may not be the best solutuon for another. BTW, you don't really think she just kissed the guy do you?

curiouscynic

I was overblown once... got all shriveled and wrinkly... it wasn't pretty.

But seriously... it's hard to try and give someone advice when you don't know them. But one thing I know about people, people in this exact same situation specifically, is that if the partner that perceives themselves a victim ACTS LIKE A VICTIM the other person in the relationship will have no choice but to flee. Eventually.

Steve2 suggested early on that I was inappropriate and an asshole [in so many words]. I would ask you, Twitch, who's the bigger asshole, the guy who says to forget the transgression and attempt to move on as a couple? Or the guys who want to pour over details about Jonathan's wife's nipples and tongue?

HERPES?!?!? Come on, man! What... the... fuck?

Sure... I'm the asshole.

Twitch

Well, at least you admit to being an asshole. That's the first step...lol. As forr the comment about suggesting buddy take his JW wife to a swingers club, thats prolly the dumbest advice I've heard on this thread. Seriously? lmao

Finally-Free

I was overblown once... got all shriveled and wrinkly... it wasn't pretty.

Ahhhh! That brings back fond memories of long ago.

W

curiouscynic

You can't really say anything informed about my swinger's club suggestion if you have never been to an off-premise swinger's club.

If you have no first-hand experience, you don't know what you're talking about.

So my JW wife cheated on me. Need some help or at least a sympathetic ear.

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