by strymeckirules 123 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
"it will be such a privelege to sit down with Moses, David and Noah to hear first hand their accounts of faithfulness"
"even if the system continues beyond our death, have we not benefited from living the "pure religion"?"
"I have already picked out the house I will be living in after Armageddon!"
think not what the truth can do for you, but what you can do for the truth (wasn't that America?)
JW's make the best employees (when they're not clock-watching or campaigning for their beliefs)
money doesn't bring you happiness (so donate it all to your local KH fund)
need to take on the solid food (I haven't memorised enough obscure JW theology to be able to quote it with confidence at the right moments to sound spiritual but without risk of sounding like an apostate)
it's so sad to see the weak ones give up when we're so close to the end (yeah the weak ones who always give me lifts and pay for the petrol on fs - I'll have to suck up to another JW who's got a car)
you should look for spiritual qualities in a mate (ignore how compatible, intelligent, attractive, funny, career minded they are - as long as they display good cult following abilities - that'll be fine)
the world is passing away (all the old ones in this congregation who've sat listening to "I'll never grow old" are all passing away)
serve where the need is greater (I'm bored of this local apathetic territory - I want out but need a holy catchphrase to get a decent send off)
by refusing blood we actually get better treatment (would be funny if it wasn't so tragic - literally)
mmxiv
this is awesome.
DUBTALK.
"spiked hair is worldly"
"mohawks are worldly"
"do you have a chaperone?"
"that is not befiting conduct for a christian."
"no throwing snowballs at the kingdom hall."
"all in agreement say "i", does anyone oppose? no? okay motion passed."
"jehovah will act in his own due time"
"jesus never had long hair."
"a threefold cord is stronger than two, when god is in your marrage problems will be few."
"repetition for emphasis"
"the NWT is the most accurate bible."
"that's why adam/eve/judas won't be resurrected."
"jehovah will close the door of the ark again. will you be inside?"
"tattoo's are a conscience matter"
"honor God with all your valuable things"
"we can't say geez because it's short for jesus"
"we can't say ass unless it's a donkey. same with bitch and female dog."
"we can't say pissed off"
"we can't say hell. as in go to."
"we can't say damn"
"let's close with a word of prayer"
"brothers, if you'd like to find your seats we'll begin this mornings session/program with song number 69 - Helping others brings Joyful Returns"
"religion is a snare and a racket"
"ours is the god of true prophesy. what he fortells turns out to be."
"appreciate . . ."
"in harmony with . . ."
"it seems . . ." (Often preceding some character judgment like "it seems as though you . . .")
"Do not say 'our leaders.' Say 'those who take the lead.'"
- We must be at our work urgently, since the time left is reduced. (Heard a lot about 40 years ago.)
isn't it wonderful to be putting our faith in a victorious organization.
"tattoo's are a conscience matter"
also, please see Proverbs 3:5,6.
"brothers, if you'd like to find your seats we'll begin this mornings session/program with song number 69 - Helping others brings Joyful Returns"
LOL
How wonderful it is this spiritual banquet has been so kindly provided for us.
(not to mention all expenses were to be made by you)
LOL @ Song no. 69!
anything with THRILLING/THRILLED in it...
"The brothers were THRILLED to hear brother Loesch of the Governing Body..."
