My wife and I experienced it back in 2005. My wife still believed, but stopped going regularly to meetings as she did not like attending without me. We were shunned and excluded from social engagements despite her not having done anything wrong. That is what convinced my wife that the religion was not true,.
Pre-emptive shunning - a growing reality
by cedars 92 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Juan Viejo2
Earlier today I got this note through a contact form on Ex-JW.com. Normally I don't share those little messages, but the sender said that I could since this subject is current and fits this thread:
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Your Name: XXX
Email: XXXX
How can we help you?: I have some additional information
Connection to JWs?: I am currently a Jehovah's Witness
Message: My kingdom hall is treating me like disfellowshipped and I don't know why. This has happening for about 6mos. I was baptized at the dc in 2010 and have never done wrong. My husband left me and I was pregnant with my new baby. We did not get divorce yet, but I know he is living with his new girlfriend. I asked a sister if she could watch my baby while I went to get some county assistance, but she got mad because I was there for four hours because the lines were so long. She won't talk to me any more. I went to an elder and told him what happened and said I wanted to apologize and he said he can not get involve in a personal problems. Ever since then now no one will talk to me at the kingdom Hall. I mean they walk away from me when I come near them. it feels like I am juinor high again and the cliks are ingoring me. I go door to door at least once a month pushing my baby and no one will even let me ride with them so I just knock on doors in my neighborhood. They say my baby and the stroller take up too much room even the elders suburban. I don't know what to do? I think they dont like me because my husband left me and I must have done wrong. But he wouldnt touch me when I got pregnant and told me I was a fat piggie. Then he got his girlfriend. What did I do wrong. Can you help me? I dont want money just tell me how I can get people to understand. I am not df and no reproved so I dont know what I did was wrong.
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I've forwarded her story to one of my contacts that is far more competent than I. But what do you think? This smacks of pre-emptive shunning, apparently due to gossip. Thanks for offering to help Mr. Elder of the Kingdom Hall so filled with love.
JV
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Morbidzbaby
JV~ That's heartbreaking... She needs people the most right now and they're leaving her out in the cold. What a bunch of douches.
My own experience is much like that of others. I started fading from meetings (at first because of work, but then because I didn't want to go). I wasn't shunned at first... I "blame" this on the fact that my parents were both very active and my dad often took up for me and offered reasons why I wasn't there. Eventually when I quit going altogether, I was shunned. There was one time the car group had to pick me up at home because my mother was out in Field Circus and had left her car at the hall, so they all came to get me and bring me to where I was going. The silence in that car was deafening. I got maybe one or two "Hi" and "How are you" comments, but that was it. I used to make baked goods for my mom to take to the service group, and they wouldn't call me to say thank, you...they'd call my mother and tell her to tell me thank you...even though they had my number.
On to the present. I don't hear from ANY JW's. At all. Not even my parents unless they have something they need to send me. I called to say hi to them last month and they couldn't even be bothered. And this was after 3 months of radio static from their end. They didn't care that I was calling. I basically got a "Thanks for letting us know your health is okay". Um. Yeah. Cause that's the whole reason I called...to tell you I don't have syphigonnaherpelAIDS. The only other JW's I have any contact with are my ex and his wife, and that's minimal (she's either yelling at me and calling me names or he's insisting I sign over my parental rights). Other than that, NADA and I like it that way.
On a side note, I'm also living with my boyfriend (and have been for awhile) and we're having a baby... Neither my parents nor my ex and his wife know any of this... So it has nothing to do with why they shun me. They do so because I don't go to meetings and I refuse to accept Watchtower teachings, even though I still read the Bible allegorically sometimes.
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Anony Mous
I experienced that too. I also know why they do it, straight from an elder's wife mouth: "We are not elders".
The reason is because the WTBTS already encourages to do it:
- Who are you encouraged to hang out with: Strong faithed individuals like pioneers and elders, CO's etc.
- Who are you encouraged to have family dinners with and tell your children to look up to: See above + those that have chosen to be single "to do more"
- You are inactive or are weak, you need help the WT 2008 11/15 will help you set you straight. Emphasis mine:
Quote:
"Christian elders are to help sheep who have strayed"
"Such dear sheep need tender care, and this means that loving shepherds must take a personal interest in them. Making friendly shepherding calls on them can be very effective. Loving encouragement that a shepherd gives them may build them up spiritually and increase their desire to return to the flock"
"Although the elders take the lead in searching for and helping sheep who have strayed, concern for missing fellow believers is not limited to Christian overseers. Others can cooperate with these shepherds. We can and should offer encouragement and spiritual aid to our brothers and sisters who need help to return to the flock. How may such assistance be given?
11 In some cases, the elders may arrange for experienced Kingdom publishers to conduct a personal Bible study with inactive ones who express a desire to be given assistance. The purpose of such efforts is to rekindle in such ones “the love [they] had at first.” (Rev. 2:1, 4) These fellow believers can be built up and strengthened spiritually by considering material they missed while they were absent from the congregation."
This is from another WT:
"One young Witness remembers the stand he and his brothers took when their mother, long inactive as a Christian, entered an adulterous marriage. “We reported matters to the elders,” he recalls, “and since she did not live at home, we decided to limit association with her until the elders could handle matters."
As you can see, nowhere in the story does she get disfellowshipped, she simply is inactive and does something bad => family cuts her off until the elders tell them it's ok.
This is from yet another WT talking about social gatherings:
"When some of the elders, ministerial servants, or other mature ones are present at a social gathering, they provide an influence for good and the occasion can be even more refreshing."
Does it include inactive or weak ones? NO!
"Such rejoicing may be at a family meal or at some other small social gathering of true worshippers"
Does it include those that may not be true worshippers? NO!
"The host at a social gathering is responsible for what occurs there. So that the event will be spiritually upbuilding, it is wise to keep it manageable in size and not to invite anyone likely to bring in an unwholesome influence. As Paul’s words at 2 Timothy 2:20-22 indicate, not all who associate with a congregation are necessarily desirable companions."
There's a bunch more but the directions are clear: Only the mature, wise JW's that have a good standing (those that put in a slip every month and those that have a title are safe bets) are supposed to be coming to these parties.
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EmptyInside
I'm fading and some are still kind to me when they see me. But,it seems the pioneers are the worst. One young,pioneer sister acts like I'm invisible. We were in the ladies room at the same time,and she past me to go out,and didn't even look at me. And it happened more than once.
I get cold stares. And as far as they know,I just miss a lot of meetings. Only one person called to tell me they missed me. The others apparently have already judged me unworthy.
The thing is ,the young pioneer,went through a time when she didn't want to go to meetings. Her family was inactive for years. You think that would make her more sympathetic.
Well,honestly,their coldness makes it easier to just leave. It's the ones that call and show kindness that makes me feel bad about everything. If only the majority would understand this.
I guess being a Witness,gives one license to be plain rude to people.
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cedars
Some of these experiences are shocking, and serve to underline the fact that the Society doesn't need to put a policy "in print" for it to become the commonly-accepted way of doing things among the rank and file. They simply need to drill home the fact that it is unwise to associate with the "spiritually weak", and hey presto, you have a pre-emptive shunning policy! Once again, love and mercy go out the window in an attempt to reinforce uniformity of worship. It will be interesting to see whether this trend continues as more votes come in from inactive ones or "faders" on our survey.
Cedars
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Juan Viejo2
It seems clear from this thread that the Watchtower's leadership may have created a situation that is spiraling out of control. They have devoted so much of their recent Watchtower articles and convention talks demonizing anyone that does not meet their very rigid guidelines. Some examples:
1. Men who are not elders or ministerial servants yet. Maybe they just haven't been chosen or at that Kingdom Hall long enough. Maybe they don't have the time or personally feel qualified. BE SUSPICIOUS. ASK WHY THEY HAVEN'T BEEN CHOSEN. THEY MUST BE WEAK. [Even in war time, not all eligible men were chosen for the draft.]
2. Single mothers without a husband. Unmarried couples who have been dating too long. They must be up to something. They must be engaging in heavy petting or worse. [Some couples enjoy platonic long term relationships. Related brothers and sisters and even cousins might live together in the same house - because they can't afford to leave and go on their own, or must share the care for an elderly or disabled relative.]
3. Single brothers or sisters that come to meetings and even go in service, but do not strive for advancement or stick to themselves. They don't seem to have any friends and are not well-known. Maybe they are homosexual. Maybe they are hiding some horrible secret. [Some people are just very shy or prefer to keep to themselves.]
4. Brothers and sisters who never seem to get it. They are always asking questions or wanting someone to explain the reasons behind a teaching or a policy. They ask questions like "when did this change?" - or "isn't this a contradiction?" They always seem confused? They are like little kids who keep saying "why?" every time you answer their question. They must be apostates, or at least doubters. [Some of us are just curious. We want someone who seems to understand better than we do to explain something clearly, rather than to just respond, "that's just the way it is," or "because we've always done it that way."]
I could go on. But we've all known brothers and sisters like those above. Yes, they might be somewhat different from the norm, but aren't we all in some ways? Should we judge others as being suspect because their actions or personalities don't fit within our own little box? And even then, should we purposely avoid them and shun them because they seem different than what we are used to?
It seems the Watchtower has created a situation that all of those types listed above should raise warning flags to the rank and file as possible troublemakers or apostates. It's like living in Nazi Germany or the USSR - not knowing who to trust, being suspicious of everyone, and reporting anyone who acts outside the norm.
JV
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VampireDCLXV
I'd say that #1 and #3 were at the forefront of a litany of reasons why people were snubbing me and talking behind my back in the end. If you're not a Pioneer, Elder, MS or close family or associate of, you're nothing (or even less than nothing). Isn't being part of Jehovah's holy organization great?
V665
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cedars
Leeca, try using a different browser, or if you are using Internet Explorer, click the "compatability view" symbol in your address bar.
Cedars
