"Ive spent the last 2 weeks up till 6 in the morning poring over sites, and now my mind is in shatters. i was born in the truth, so forgive me for my doubts as ive been told that any thinking against the wt is apostacy. im really,really scared. what im asking is, concerning everything, like blood, 1975,beth sarim, generational teachings, the UN, the sex abuse, 1874, 1914. . . .is this all true?"
YES!
I feel so much for you my dear child (I can be your mother b/c of my age you know) ... in the sense that I can relate what you are going through, at least I was already an adult when I realized all the Watchtower CORPORATION deception and I made independent decisions as an adult. I am glad you are dating, what you're doing it is just normal for someone your age (feel very happy for you).
Like you, I spent not weeks but months reading everything ... it was like something was driving me to read as much as I could not only things that unmask the Watchtower CORPORATION but other books/writings about Christianity, God, ancient Israel history, early Christians, etc, etc.
In my case I had already realized that the Watchtower was a commercial CORPORATION making money like any othe CORPORATION after visiting their headquarters in NYC ... but since I was an "atheist" (back then) already it didn't bother me at all, I went there just to take my mother ... she was like Alice in Wonderland ... I was more like looking for a place to throw up ... really I got physically sick when I saw their projection charts going years in the future and here they are telling everybody that the end is around the corner ... I saw a lot of other "business" stuff like Clio awards and the cold attitude of everybody working there really was the cherry on top ... it wasn't until my young JW niece ran away from her JW home to come to live with me and told me that she had been sexually abused by a female pionner for years and 2 circuit overseers that used to stay in her house that I started discovering a LOT MORE about the Watchtower CORP ... since I was raised in that cult from the time I was 3 years old I thougth that sexual abuse was only among Catholics ... little I knew that per capita the problem is worst among JWs ... from there it was like opening a pandora's box ...
You are so young and it will be good if you go to college, this will help you a lot. I will pray for you, and as a Christian now, I can tell you that the fact that the Watchtower CORPORATION is not "the truth" as they have dared to call themselves, it doesn't mean that there is not truth when it comes to God and Jesus. I hope that once the blindfold is fully taken from your eyes, you will still want a relationship with God, a personal relationship with Jesus. Free yourself from the Watchtower CORPORATION but not from the Creator. Get a different bible to read, always pray, accept God's gift of salvation which is based on grace not works ... read about how to worship God in Spirit not with the flesh, the flesh will never be able to please God, read about who Jesus really is, ask God to show you the Son, be free, be only accountable to God, give your heart and mind to him NOT the Elders or a CORPORATION.
I think now more than ever you will need the support of a Higher Power, I was scared to death when I realized the lies of the WTC, I thought I was dealing with the devil himself but in the middle of everything I saw the truth, or it was revealed to me, which is not a set of beliefs or doctrines, the TRUTH is a person - JESUS! He is the way to the Father NOT the Watchtower Corporation.
Like you I never felt anything in commom with JWs as I was growing up, I was there b/c of my parents, I didn't now anything else. I was kind of rebelious, I got baptized when I was 26 ... and really it was my mom scaring me with armageddon and stuff like that ... but it took me another 14 years to break free from that cult's indoctrination ... I hope you don't have to wait that long ... I never read anything contrary WT teachings until my niece came to live with me, I was already 40 years old ... all of my life I felt depressed, suicidal, gosh I wasted so many years of my life ... but God is faithful and He has given me beauty for my ashes ... I am very happy person now. Free!
Take care, be wise in your actions, read about Cults and most important PTSD.