marriage without affection/sex/touching

by zeb 67 Replies latest social relationships

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  TD

  Julia,

  Guys this is terrible. Listen to yourselves. You have this lovely woman you been with for years anf you want to drop her the minute she can't perform. I have all those stupid watchtower inhibitions and I want so much to do this or that sex thing but the watchtower conditioning is so strong even though I'm out, I just don't know where to begin. Also, stress can kill a woman's drive and anyone who's been in the wt has tonnes of that even when they leave.

  One of the cruelest jokes God (If he exists) has played on men and women is that as general demographic groups, we have a tendancy to view the things that are most important to our spouse as least important to us.

  If your husband pretty much quit speaking to you entirely, how long would you put up with almost total silence and aloofness? A year? Two years? A decade? Or would you reach the end or your rope sooner than that?
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  Laika

  I'm pretty sure I could go for a week without sex with my wife, I don't think I could cope with a week of her refusing to talk to me.
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  TD

  I'm pretty sure I could go for a week without sex with my wife, I don't think I could cope with a week of her refusing to talk to me.

  Fair observation, and the same would be true of myself. But if you have any self respect at all, you're not going to put up with either for the lengths of time I proposed above without a very, very good reason.

  The point (Which I'm sure was not lost on you) is that husbands and wives each tend to prioritize emotional needs in inverse order from each other.
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  Laika

  Sorry TD, I'm not actually married, so I was writing hypothetically, but I'm not convinced. Julia aside I think all the women on this thread agreed the situation was not acceptable.

  I suppose you write with more experience than me though.
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  finally awake

  Inability to perform is different than lack of emotional intimacy or non-intercourse physical affection. I think that a healthy relationship can withstand the inability of one partner to perform certain sexual acts, whether due to medical issues, mental health issues, or simple personal distaste for certain acts. A marriage cannot withstand one (or both) partners checking out emotionally. At that point, you are just roommates and the relationship begins dying. I don't know if it's possible to force or even entice the checked out partner to re-engage.
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  flipper

  IMMINENT 1975- If you've had a good marriage communication wise through your many years together- then you should go with your wife to marriage counseling or a sex therapist. Something is causing your wife to turn off towards you and as some have said - it may be physical, mental, emotional , or she may just be overstressed with her work load , or something has changed within her annd she may be carrying around resentment towards you that you are not even aware of. One reason communication's so important. But whatever the cause if you really value and love your wife and marriage you should try giving counseling a try before doing anything rash without thinking things through. Just my 2 cents. Good luck to you
• 

  TD

  Laika

  I'm not actually married, so I was writing hypothetically, but I'm not convinced.

  I would submit that if we had a similar thread where the issue at stake was the need to communicate with our spouse at a level of openess and depth of honesty not found in conversation with others, there would be few, if any men defending their right to clam up and deny their wife this emotional outlet. But understanding another's emotional need is not quite the same thing as having it ourselves.

  In that vein, I'd also submit that if you carefully read female replies on this and other marital issue type threads on JWN, you will see, (With a few exceptions) at least a partial demarcation drawn between sexual connection and emotional connection.

  It's extremely important for a man to understand that his wife likely sees a difference between non-sexual touch and sexual touch and why. It's extremely important for a man to understand that his wife probably views the former as the true yardstick of emotional intimacy in the relationship. From a female perspective, it makes perfect sense.

  Men, (Again as a general demographic) do not have this mental wall in place and few things say, "I don't love you" to a man louder than disinterest in sexual contact.
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  humbled

  TD--