A new member of the thinking class (page 2)

jwfacts

Welcome. It is nice to see you have joined the thinking class.

Upon some more insightful discussions with her, it turns out that she really knows less about the JW doctrine than I thought. Nobody ever studied with her directly, and she has never had a decent personal study routine.

It does not look like you will get anywhere discussing your doubts with her, so maybe a more covert way to reach her relates to your above comment. Why not start a weekly family study with her. By increasing her knowledge of the organisation and its doctrine, you can increase her awareness of how ludicrous it is.

In conversations with JWs I was surprised that many did not know the history or core doctrine. Many claim that the Watchtower does not say that only JWs will survive Armageddon, or that Jesus is mediator only for the 144,000. You can introduce these concepts as they arise whilst doing the weekly set family study with her.

diamondiiz

Is there any aspects of the wts belief system that she likes - anything deep that is. Maybe talk about that and exmaine history or the bible on the subject. It may take months, or even years or she may never come around, that's the reality of it. Wish you luck.

Alwayshere

Welcome Captain, Those are all good books that

have been mentioned. The Bible at Zechariah 7: verses 1 and 4

also prove 607 wrong. In verse 1, the forth year for King Darius

was 518. Verse 4, they were weeping in the 5th and 7th month

for 70 years. 2Kings 25 :8-9 shows the 5th month was when

Jerusalem was desolated. Two months later 2Kings 25:25

says this was when Gedaliah and his men were killed.

The organization says 607 for Jerusalem but History says 587.

607 as the first year weeped down to 518 = 90 years.

587 as the first year down to 518= 70 years.

607-20=587. They are 20 years off.

Hope the best for you.

Flossycat

Hi Captain O and welcome. Great advice given already.

Something else to consider - whenever Mrs Captain talks about scriptural/JW doctrine, let her know you are really appreciative of her views and input. (Even though they're not really her views.) Show her you're listening carefully. Over time she might realise just how much more you love and care for her than the JWs ever could. And maybe, over time, she'll realise she's merely been parroting, and never had a mind of her own. You've already woken up, but she needs to begin to learn to wake up. Baby steps for her for a while.

Look forward to seeing more of you here.

Flossycat, Melbourne, Australia.

NVR2L8

Welcome C-O,

About 2 years ago I figured out that I had spent 50 years of my life in a CULT...and like you I had taken everything the GB said at face value - never questioning even when I did not agree. I went from being a MS giving public talks and conducting a book study to being inactive within a few months. On a Sunday on our way back from the DC I told my wife that I just had attended my last meeting...Of course she started crying and then told me that she did not want to be married to a "pagan". I told her I understood her pain and that I would forgive her for saying that...but this would be the only time. The next time she would have to face life on her own. I attempted to explain why I no longer could continue living a lie and I even showed her the July 2009 Awake that states that no one should have to choose between faith and family nor being forced to worship in a way they find inapropriate...She read it and still couldn't understand it the way I did...Like your wife, my wife does the strict minimum and she can't debate or explain any of the basic WT doctrines...but to her this his the "truth". Two years have passed by and we are coping as best as we can. I don't talk to her about my views and she doesn't talk to me about what goes on in the congregation... All I can do is to love her the best I can in hope that one day she figures it out by herself...but I am not holding my breath because I estimate the odds of that happening to be slim to none.

Captain Obvious

Wow so I really am not at all alone in this! That is really comforting to know. It took a while for me and I know it took a while for many people on this board to finally have a 'matrix moment' as a recent thread put it. It will take time with my wife because she can be stubborn at times, but however long it takes, it will be worth it. It seems everyone on here woke up at before their partner did, and the success stories are great to hear, regardless of how small they may seem.

I have read enough horror stories on here about people who ran out too fast, leaving the people they care about most behind. The truth is, I WISH it was the truth. The potential loss is so huge, as all of us on here know all too well.

tootired2care

Cap - well said.

SweetBabyCheezits

Welcome, Cap'n! I was in a similar place with my wife and spent four long years in frustration after I woke up. The fight was worth it, though. You may have to play the long game if you can stomach it. In my opinion, the conditioned mind responds better to finding its own way out than being led out by someone else. But it can be done.

The WTBTS may be fundamentally wrong about so much but they are right about a couple of details: Sowing tiny seeds of doubt might be your best bet in gradually freeing her mind since frontal attacks are rarely effective.

Best of luck to you, good man!

SBC

mind blown

Wow....this is something! Welcome! It's so awesome to see men who truly love their wives.....hang in there guys....it's worth it!

From a female point of view you need to bond with your wives and prove to them you're not the enemy (which they have had pounded into their heads) stay close, do fun things, let them feel safe, be romantic and let them feel cared for. This is a scary thing for them. Keep the line of communication open, but for now not about the WTS....you have to be gentle and patient. They are scared shitless of the Big A and Apostates......and you have to prove they are safe with you.

I know my ex regrets all the problems he gave me when I was in......he finally admitted it to me years later after we split.......but by then it was too late. He told me I was truly the only one who cared and loved him.... but by then I was over him....

Now the tables have turned and now that I'm out one of my very close family members has been studying...I was shattered ...but took my own advice and chilled out and only mentioned things when the right opportunity appeared (as SweetBC mentions planting small seeds and not going full force) Rhis past weekend I got a surpize phone call... after two years of my stressing, they're finally seeing the light of the WTS BS.....hang in there!!

clearpoison

Welcome aboard captain

I can relate to your experience in so many levels. I simply did not make my move so early in my life and it was not based on research of any sort. I guess it is because I do not have any doctrinal issues (they simply do not matter to me at all) I have taken different approach with my wife. Ofcourse deep inside I wish she would leave the religion, but as long she feels satisfied being there it is absolutelly OK with me. Ofcourse we have the bonus of being together already longer time and getting through lots of trouble in our relation. We both know that we have strong feelings and strong relationship. We agreed to disagree, I will not live forever with her in paradise, and she will continue to support witness activities. We also agreed that she may believe whatever she likes and I do not try to impact her. She agreed to do the opposite, she will not bring the teachings to my table. In a sense we agreed to live in divided household and it has worked sofar. Ofcourse I see as my obligation to release the secret announcements to her in beforehand.

I assume that your wife, even not well educated, has strong belief in JW teachings. She has planned eternal life with you in paradise, where you both would be perfect and even more lovable than today. Maybe you could have tens of children and hundreds of grandchildren and so on. If you leave the religion and she stays, it is like telling her I do not want to live with you in all eternity, I rather die. That's more or less what I had to say to my wife. On top of that if you try to activelly persuade her out of the religion, she could feel that you try to kill her too, end is anyway so close. Try to put yourself to her position and imagine what your words could mean to her. Ofcourse I cannot say if your wife has felt it this way, but that is my experience with my wife, which she very openly admitted.

I would suggest that you try to study how the life of those who live in divided households look like, could it be an option you could manage to live in, would you think your wife could settle with that kind of scene. If she is not prepared to face the facts of teachings, she is not at all supportive to your efforts. I think there is certain amount of wisdom in what is thaught specially to sisters living in divided households, try to win them without words, get them interested by your example. You could choose the same approach. If it is important to you to know how the teachings relate to reality, please keep on studying. But maybe it is not wise to challenge your wifes standpoint when she is not up to it. Show with your own example how satisfying your life is without JW circles, try to spend lots of time with her, do fun stuff together, show her you care. Maybe one day she would like to join you in your activities even a meeting night, maybe again another time too.

CP

A new member of the thinking class

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