You have to understand that most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it. 
A new member of the thinking class
by Captain Obvious 62 Replies latest jw friends
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trutherkid
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Welcome trutherkid!
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trutherkid
Thank you Billy.
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still thinking
Welcome Welcome to you...what a great first post from both of you...
I second the advice already given about your wife....go easy and gentle.
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wezz
Hi there Captain,
Same story for me. It’s amazing how your wife’s attitude changes when you mention your doubts.As you mentioned regarding the supposed influence from Satan, you are now viewed as wrong, needing adjustment etc., no matter how sound your reasoning is. Remember this when the elders want to come and visit. They will come under the guise of "research is good" and listening to what you have to say. The fact however is that they view your thinking as incorrect, something that needs adjusting to WT standards and doctrines. You will most likely not change their belief and most definitely not change anything in the WT society, so don’t even try. Your effort should be directed to your wife. Be shrewd and don’t incriminate yourself. Take it slow.
Leave a few things laying around or on the computer for her to find. Not too much anti-JW stuff, because lots of JWs won’t open that stuff and it might get you into trouble, just articles and scans of publications most JWs don’t know about and could dent their cult armour. Use more questions than statements, get her to tell you things.
JWFacts has good articles that are well researched and I also liked the direct publication quoting and scans of JWFiles. From personal observation, JWs own articles are mostly their worst enemies and your best allies.
I wish you the best in your endeavours.
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smiddy
Captain obvious,trutherkid,the crushed,
a big hearty welcome to you all,it reinforces in my mind how the internet will eventually be the downfall of the borg,lets hope everything works out for you to a satisfactory conclusion
smiddy
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soft+gentle
captain obvious - welcome
give your wife time. Part of our makeup is to follow rituals. So it isn't just the mind that is involved, it is the whole person. I would suggest an holistic approach. A suggestion is to do more non jw things that you both enjoy together.
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Phizzy
Welcome Capt. Ob. and Trutherkid ! Feels like we just enjoyed a Buy One get One Free !
My situation was not dissimilar to yours , my wife was not very knowledgeable about JW doctrine, but as a born-in she just "felt" it was the "truth".
And there is the key, for ladies like yours and mine, all the academic stuff in the world is not what keeps them in the cult, and so is not what will help them leave. They have to be in a position to handle the emotions involved.
Do not discuss doctrine unless forced to, and if so, do it in a gentle and kindly way. Get out of the JW mindset that things have to be done in a hurry, they don't, there is no End of this System looming, you have all the time you need to sucessfully get your wife out.
At first it may only be that you will achieve getting her out mentally, but that is a HUGE step.
Before doing anything at all, read Combatting Cult...... and his other book Releasing the Bonds.
As said above, let your wife know that your love for her is stronger than anything, will bear anything, she is your life. Spend lots of time together doing non-witness things.
All of my family, apart from the wife and kids, are still in, I have had no successs with waking any of them up, but my wife agreed as soon as I said we were not going to attend anymore, which was a relief to me, I didn't know if she was going to continue in the cult without me.
I wish you all the best, your journey will be different from mine, but whatever course it takes it will be a bumpy ride !
Just remember we are here for you all the way, you can P.M people on here if you like, rather than lay everything out in public, most of us have been down the same road as you have just stepped on, all of us will tell you that, whatever the cost, emotionally or whatever, it is worth it to be free from the cult.
A free mind and a free life is a true treasure.
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Fernando
Welcome Captain Obvious!
As a 3rd generation born-in my addiction to religion had 4 decades to develop in me (and several more decades in my father and his father).
It would have made no difference to me at all if you laid out all the Watchtower's faults in detail. Except of course confirming in my mind that you are an "apostate" and/or have gone mad. My addiction was too severe and I had no prior or other reference points, frameworks or memories.
I was helped by a simple question: "could you please explain to us what the gospel is, in one word?"
I did not know it at the time but the full unabridged gospel or "good news" is God's ultimate tool for beating addiction especially to religion. Exactly as Karl Barth said: "The Revelation of God is the Abolition of Religion". Religion caused all the trouble in Eden. The "good news" is God's only, total and ultimate answer.
As a Watchtower loyalist I assembled every fragment I could find on the gospel from the Watchtower library and gradually started emerging from the darkness, captivity and control of the Watchtower. It took around 1,000 hours of research per year over 3½ years until the lightning bolt moment that destroyed my illusion of Watchtower legitimacy, relevance and potential to change.
"The spirit of the Sovereign Lord Jehovah is upon me [Jesus], for the reason that Jehovah has anointed me [Jesus] to tell [the] good news to the meek ones [sheep or wheat]. He has sent me [Jesus] to bind up the brokenhearted [spiritually deprived and unregenerated], to proclaim [spiritual] liberty to those taken [spiritually] captive [by religion/ists] and the wide opening [of the spiritual eyes] even to the [spiritual] prisoners [of religion/ists]" (paraphrase of Isaiah 61:1).
It is no accident that Watchtower religionists are not able to explain the "good news" according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah or Psalms. More than half the Bible's 152-odd references to the "good news" are by Paul!
Best wishes on you and your wife's journey.
Please do all you can to take your time - always make sure you go your wife's pace - comfortably - please.
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finally awake
Just Ron and I went through some similar issues, although we were not born-ins. Just Ron realized it was all a load of crap early on, but it took me a lot longer. In fact, I didn't realize that the basic doctrines and beliefs were in error until *after* I got out. So for me, the reason I left the borg had nothing to do with the doctrines. I remember sitting in a district convention and thinking to myself "I don't want to be here", but at the time I thought Just Ron was a True Believer TM so I didn't say anything. The borg puts a wall between couples, so that each is afraid to be totally honest with the other. Just Ron finally asked me outright if I wanted to be a witness, and I had finally had enough of the interpersonal bullcrap and I said no. Now we are both out and happier than we've been since before we got sucked into the cult.