A new member of the thinking class (page 5)

LongHairGal

Captain Obvious:

Welcome to the forum! I am sorry that your marriage is being strained because you found out the truth about the religion and your wife is having a hard time dealing with this fact. It is interesting that you mention that your wife has "less" knowledge about the religion's doctrines than you do. Meanwhile, she's crying about you and hoping that "you will see the light and come back to Jehovah".

I have noticed something similar with one of my JW friends. She imagines that I will "see the light and come back". And, this from somebody who doesn't even know what the religion teaches currently. I firmly believe that there are a significant number of witnesses in any given congregation who know next to NOTHING about what their religion currently teaches (and dont' really care), and are only there because of an emotional connection to it - whether it be family, friends or even memories of good times past and the new system fantasies.

Let us not forget the religion's magic name, for surely god would have swooped down to obliterate them if they didn't have the truth? Right? These are all the things that keep JWs faithful to this religion and any evidence to the contrary be damned.

Go slow and careful and be patient with your wife. In time she may come around.

Captain Obvious

Thank you all for your response! I didn't realize quite how many on here are or have been in my situation.

I am starting to realize that patience is key, and it's true... Talking about doctrinal mistakes or history doesnt get through to her. Neither does logic. She shuts down and just states that she doesn't care about what happened before. I really hope it doesn't take 10 years! Though it would be worth it.

We don't have kids yet, we haven't really had the desire for them yet. We're still young. I've always half joked with her that we would be having at least 100 kids in the new system! But none in this one. Now that my eyes are open, it's clear that putting it off longer will just make us like so many other couples we know... Pretty much too late to start. I also realize that there is NO way my kid(s) would be raised as JWs. A baby now would push decision time for me way up, and likely cause huge problems for us.

I like the ideas for her to study, maybe just even try to prove the doctrines to herself using only the bible. She now works shift, and also misses half the meetings, so I'm hoping this will help get her mind out a bit. She still always feels guilty though about not doing more service and stuff.

sabastious

Hey Captain Obvious, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I sent you a personal message.

-Sab

DaCheech

big HELLO to you!

AnnOMaly

There are too many little interlocking threads/events in my life - some major, some minor - to say what definitively got me to reach tipping point so that I was willing to check out things for myself, but one of the reasons I ended up taking the risk and wanting kids in this system was acknowledging the possibility that the soon-coming Paradise may actually not come in my lifetime and I'd be so sorry if, when I was old, we hadn't at least tried to become parents. Hubby initially was reluctant but came around in the end, thankfully (the prospect is scarier for men anyway, I think, LOL).

Having kids also helped in some ways to wake me up. Their little innocent questions about why we do things a certain way made me reassess some practices/teachings I took for granted. I can remember explaining to one of them when they were around 5 about why we don't celebrate birthdays, and listening to myself trot out the standard response - it sounded so lame. No wonder our smart 5 year old was struggling to understand the 'logic' and didn't buy it!

Having children may worsen your situation with your wife and cause more friction, or they may help to wake her up. Difficult call. But people in 'divided households' manage somehow. Millions of couples of different faiths often raise well-adjusted, successful children without screwing them up too much ;-) So I wouldn't let your change in religious perspective put you off if that's what you really wanted. As you're both young, you have plenty of time yet to decide anyway.

Inisc

Welcome captain!

Pleased you have woke up, it's a wonderful feeling and really helps you appreciate life.

Im a little bit older than you, also married for 3years but more fortunate in that my wife also left the org about same time I did.

I second all the advice given to you, but will add that now your wife knows you no longer believe in the org, everything you do or say is under a microscope. She will unconsciously expect you to behave more 'worldly' and display less fruits of the spirit. So what you have to do is be the best damn husband! I'm sure you already are, but be more.

More kind, loving, romance her, and don't ever become angry or short, do well beyond your share of the chores, have dinner ready for her coming in, you know what I mean. If she goes to the meeting without you, she's got the perfect man to come home to! In time you can 'win her without a word'. She will then see that a 2corded marriage is as strong if not stronger than a 3 corded one. Be happy in life, happier than you were in the org, take pleasure in life's gifts, the small things. Enjoy each day, such an outlook can be infectious and hopefully your wife will see that life outside the org can be good, better even than how the WT portrays it.

I to did so much reading after waking up. It was recommended on here to me that I read Athiests book of bible stories, it fascinating reading.

Also, I highly recommend I'm perfect your Doomed, by kyria abrahams. Hilarious and brilliant for anyone brought up in the 'truth'.

I wish you all the best captain.

00DAD

CO: I just think she doesn't like considering the possibility that it isn't the truth, and I honestly don't think she could handle the thought of the consequences of either or both of us leaving the bOrg.

Welcome CaptainObvious!

Your situation is similar to what I went through about 10 years ago. Unfortunately it didn't work out so well for me. I tried to reach my now-ex-wife with The Truth about The Truth TTATT, but she didn't want it. Probably I could have/should have handled it differently. Still, she's an adult.

You have the benefit of a great support group here. Go slow and easy. Try educating her about THE HISTORY of JWs. It is especially telling to find out all the changes over the years. If Charles Taze Russell was resurrected today he wouldn't recognize the religion he started. He'd be kicked out in a second for teaching NOW, what supposedly got them "chosen by Christ" THEN.

Best wishes,

00DAD

Captain Obvious, here's a thought you might want to pass on to the WT Leadership, all the way from the GB down to the local elders:

Captain Obvious

DesirousOfChange

The truth is, I WISH it was the truth. The potential loss is so huge, as all of us on here know all too well.

Ditto.

Unfortunately, you have opened a Pandora's Box. There is no going back once you have discovered TTATT (The Truth About The Truth). Everything you read of hear from the WTS you will now look or listen at with a different point of view -- a critical eye/ear -- instead of the blind faith (credulity) that you once had.

While my wife has come to see some of the issues that there truly are with JW doctrine and policy, she is still stuck on these roadblocks:

Where else would we go? (I know it's a misquote.)

Who else is fulfilling the command to preach worldwide?

Who else stays neutral in worldly affairs (no part of the world)?

It's still the best way of life.

It's the closest thing to The Truth (unless you show me something better).

Good luck in your journey! (Expect a rough ride!)

Doc

nugget

I was a believing wife with a husband who had doubts. It is possible to exit together but you do need to take it slowly, there is a desire to tell her everything at once but please don't. If she isn't studious by nature she is in it for family so the mere idea that doctrines are not right will not be enough for her. She doesn't really care about the doctrine she does care about relationships. If you push too hard she will revert to her go to response and do what good jws do. You need to avoid high drama as things will spiral quickly out of control.

I used expressions like I thought the gb had lost it's way. When speaking to my mum as this was less threatening.

Keep reminding her you love her. Good luck feel free to pm any time.

A new member of the thinking class

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