I thought about calling my mom to see what she thought of this article, but I figured "What's the point?". She'd just defend the Society anyway.
A few years ago, I had a very close friend who had been being abused by her MS husband. His father was an elder and was, you guessed it, abusing his own wife. My friend got to the point where she couldn't take anymore. He began when they first got married. It started with shoves, grabbing her wrists and leaving bruises, and escalated a few years later to punching her anywhere the bruises wouldn't show. One Saturday, she disagreed with him on something and he dragged her to the back of the apartment, threw her on the bed, pinned her hands above her head with ONE of his hands, and proceeded to punch her stomach and ribs. The kids were watching this and begging him to stop and he turned on them. It just so happened that week I was in town visiting my parents...she had hidden this for YEARS, not telling me because she knew I hated him to begin with. I went to visit her and she lost it. She had no idea what to do. She called elders that weren't related to them and asked for advice, but the most they could give her was "You have to do what you feel is right...we can't counsel you on this and tell you what you should do". So I asked her "Are you ready for it to stop?". She started sobbing, threw her arms around me and said "YES!!". So I watched her children and mine while she went to the courthouse with our friend and filed a restraining order. They went to the hardware store and when they got back, the other friend and I changed all the locks and then got all the kids together and left to go to her house to wait for him to be served when he got home. Afterward, the family was LIVID that she did this to him. People were coming over and harrassing her, including some elders who were related to her husband. They kept telling her she was being unsubmissive, she needed to let him come back, this isn't Jehovah's way, blah blah blah. She stuck to her guns until the court date. The judge ordered anger management for him and because of all of this, the elder body took away his privileges and his father was NOT ALLOWED to be in the room while he was counselled. Years later, they're apparently doing okay. My dad checks in with her and makes sure that nothing is going on. He already said a long time ago that he would step down (he's a MS) and kick the man's ass if he ever put his hands on her again. He said "I don't care, I'll give up my privileges and show him what it's like to get a dirty beating!".
Another sister married a man she had dated years before when they were both "worldly". She had no idea he had been studying. He got baptized and it must have been "Jehovah's will" that they meet again, so they started dating and got married. And then the abuse started. He made her switch congregations to one where she had no friends. He stopped her from seeing all of her friends and talking to them on the phone. He even stopped her from talking to her adult kids. No matter how much she talked to the elders, they just told her to be more submissive. In other words, he's your husband and what he says goes. If he doesn't want you having friends or putting on makeup, then by god you'd better not! Eventually, he got so possessive and jealous that he set fire to her home (which she had worked hard for all on her own). This brought the police into the situation and now the MF'er is rotting in prison...yet this sister isn't free to remarry if she wants! She even has to carry his name still!!!
One more example...the previous sentence reminded me of how much we are NOT our own people when we are women in the JW's. My mom studied with a woman and my dad studied with her husband. While they are legally married, they had different last names because it was just easier than having to switch everything over (lots of health care info, insurance info, etc...it's a pain in the ass). Plus she wanted to keep her last name. Well, they both got baptized. At the Kingdom Hall, they all REFUSE to call her by her legal last name and refer to her by her husband's. It chaps my ass because her husband's name IS NOT HERS. So instead of calling her "Sister Jones", they call her "Sister St. John" (names have been changed). It's totally mysoginistic. Her husband doesn't give a crap what she's called and doesn't insist she be called "Sister St. John". The elders do! Because she "falls under his headship, so she has to be known by his last name". Like he friggin' OWNS her. It's like taking your dog to the vet...because you OWN him, he falls under your last name. "Fido St. John". So all that women are in this organization are property...You'll be known by his name, you'll do what he says, and if he hits you just LOVE HIM HARDER and BE MORE SUBMISSIVE. Just like that beaten family dog.
