She's Leaving Home..Bye Bye.. (page 2)

Englishman

I don't know if this relevant, but at 20 years old the individual is legally an adult. 18 is the age for full adult priveleges in the UK.

Englishman.

Bring on the dancing girls!

Lari

Unpaid whore? Jeez Louise! Does that make wives well paid whores?

Eman, I lived with my now husband for a year before our wedding. I was as much a partner then as I am now. I would advocate two things in this situation though.
1) Freely express your displeasure (if thats what you feel) but make sure your child knows that you will be there for them no matter what.

2) Explain to them that while "shacking up" does not cheapen marriage, IMO, it does take some of the fun out of the wedding. By then you've already done most of what newlyweds do. Set up house, pick out linens, etc. And It makes gift giving harder on the guests -you already have everything.

Good luck to whoever is facing this situation with their kid.

mikelites

hi English had the same situation last september with our daughter 18 yrs old , my advice ... just grit your teath and smile they have to find their own way and they will find that all the sooner without being TOLD what to do... my daughter and i now get along a whole lot better than when she was living at home and i think she is a lot more mature ! she knows that her mother and i are still there if she really needs us and she is doing what all of US are doing "LEARNING HOW TO BE HUMAN BEINGS IN THIS CRAZY WORLD" don't worry just give her enough slack and she wont go too far away. GOOD LUCK> MIKELITES

"Isn't life terrible thank God"

DYLAN THOMAS...
(Top Welsh Bloke!!)

nelly136

oh blimey so if shes an unpaid wannabee whore before shes married that makes her a paid whore for the rest of her married life once she is?

you can either forbid them to do this and run the risk of ruining the 20 years youve invested in building a relationship with them, or you allow them to make their own life including mistakes, but at least be comfortable in the knowledge that if they have any major problems theyre going to be comfortable enough to at least come and tell you,
and theyll always feel free to come home with their latest news or
nagging worries (suggest you remind em not to bring washing with them )
living with someone else isnt always the bed of roses and unadulterated bliss some imagine, but if they can survive that for a couple of years perhaps theyll be able to make a long term commitment
and live happily ever after.But you'll always be the best ever dad for allowing them the freedom to live their lives even if it isnt quite the manner youd have preferred.
My oldest is 14 I have this to come and I'm dreading it but I'd rather
let go a little than lose her over something thats part of growing up
and may or may not be a ten minute wonder.

nelly

Mulan

Our policy (NOW) is unconditional love. It is their life. It may not be your choice, but it IS hers. Give support but let her know how you feel, so she can't come back later and say you didn't say anything.

Marilyn (aka Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers

Englishman

OK, I can see that I’m going to have to be a lot more forthcoming. This is the actual scenario:

My middle son is 22 . He finished uni last summer with excellent grades. He is a product / engineer designer working on temporary contracts. About 18 months ago he formed a relationship with a lady who is not yet 18. She starts uni next autumn, but until she gets her A level results in September, she doesn’t know which of her uni choices will be successful.

They want to be together! And this is the problem. Middle son is, IMO, holding himself back from career offers because he wants to work close to whichever uni accepts her. Also she appears to be very, very possessive about Middle son, she even rings him when he is on a boys night out (social death!) to ask him to call her when he gets home.

At the moment he finds the attention flattering. I am just hoping that if he does move in with her before getting engaged that he will at least have a chance to see how suited they really are.

Englishman.

Bring on the dancing girls!

belbab

Son/daughter??????

You mean you never checked for twenty years, and you are unsure what he/she is?

Or is heshe both?

Or is this an Adam/Eve type of relationship?

clarify, clarify clarify.

belbab

Abaddon

Eman; I go with the "make sure they're not going to breed and let them see if it's the bed of roses they think it is". Truth will owt lad; the undesirable might turn out to be desirable after all, or your sprog will see what you can see now.

If your kid is in danger, then I would understand stronger action, but it can backfire and push them closer.

Another approach is the way of the Jedi (cough cough) Mind Trick; create situations where your beloved child can see the undesirable partner for the nightmare they are.

But Mulan's point about love them, not neccesarily what they do, is very important...

[>:(]

TR, you just called my girlfriend an unpaid whore... I don't think you are stupid, so I have to assume you know exactly how offensive you were being. I'm not biting, I just think that's sad... I am going home to my 'unpaid whore' now.

People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...

ianao

abaddon: I am going home to my 'unpaid whore' now.

Well, with a little money, I guess you could correct the situation. One way or another.

TR

Unpaid whore? Jeez Louise! Does that make wives well paid whores?

Wives are not well paid whores at all! They are partners in a marital commitment.

It's just my opinion that there's very little in the way of commitment if people are shacking up instead of in a committed relationship such as marriage.

BTW, I guess a man in a shack up situation would be an unpaid gigilo?(sp?)

Abaddon,

Howz it feel to be a gigilo?!

TR

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
--Robert Frost, 1935

She's Leaving Home..Bye Bye..

Share this