She's Leaving Home..Bye Bye.. (page 3)

Imbue

Englishmen,

Buy them a presentation pack of coloured condoms exclaiming “Do what you want but don’t get pregnant”?

Does your son listen to your advice?

This is very important because 18-20 year old usually romanticize how life will be with their love. A child will bond them for better or worse for life.They may still be in the personal fable stage.

It must be difficult to observe adult children make their own choices good or bad.

English you need to be careful you don't make an enemy of a possible mother of your grandchildren.

Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again when it doesn't work.

TR

Hey you guys,

I know my conservative views go against the grain for most of you, but that doesn't mean I don't think y'all are cool people that I like to hang with.

TR

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
--Robert Frost, 1935

Abaddon

Eman; Your clarification helps...

She's still a kid, and though she might love your son, she'll have never been in the 'target rich' environment of University.

Your son, if he moves, will have to walk a line that is impossible to walk, between being there when she wants and not there when she's exploring her new envirnoment (and snogging anything in trousers after three Snakebites).

He will feel left out, get paranoid, she will feel restricted and doubted. Uni' hours and work hours don't mix. Her slipping into bed reeking of beer and fags at 3am when he has to work in the morning... moaning about how much work Uni' is (which he knows, and knows in comparison to a proper job is a walk in the park and will get bored of)... him getting pissed off that he works 40+ hours, she has fifteen hours of lectures and goes out every night, but they do equal shares of housework... it's a nightmare.

If it does work out under these circumsatnces, hell, you may not like her, but they'll obviously have something going for them.

If he doesn't move, then there's even less chance they'll stay together... I probably knew twenty girls with boyfriends back home at Uni'; some lived a double life until they didn't need the safety net of the home boyfriend, some were faithfull for a term or two, I can't think of one who was still with their home boyfriend in the second year. The weekly or bi-weekly visits get streached into two or three times a term, and then there's the Dear John... seen it happen many many times...

Thing is; he knows this, he's been to Uni'. Is she super mature, ultra-babelicious, is she a little manipulator, or is he batting below his potential? What's going on?!

I tell you, from experience, first year Uni girls suck in all the wrong ways... and am curious as to what it is ("true love"?).

People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...

TR

Question to you dudes:

If you are living together with a girl and not married, and your girl got pregnant, what would you do?

TR

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
--Robert Frost, 1935

Abaddon

TR; There's a difference between conservative and anachronistic. And anyone getting married before living together needs commiting, as they're a fool.

Your question about what one would do if you were living someone and the woman got pregnant has the same answer as if you were married to someone and the woman got pregnant. You would decide if you were ready to have kids and act accordingly.

And you might be anachronistic, but I'd drink beer with you.

People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...

concerned mama

I have an 18 year old son, as well as Birdie, so this is a situation that I have thought of many times. I admit I personally find it hard, but we have to let our kids go and make their own decisions, including mistakes.

I lean towards Nelly and Mulan's take on the situation. Don't create an adversarial situation, because they are going to do what they want anyway. He is a self sufficient adult, so it really is his business. You want to give them room to be able to back out of the situation with whatever dignity and grace is possible if it isn't working. Real life will sort it out. I would, however, encourage birth control.

How do her parents feel about it?

TR

I don't think marriage is anachronistic. I think it provides the best atmosphere for children, and shows deep devotion and commitment for the man and woman. Of course all of this flies out the window if the couple are dumber than rocks and get married without getting to know each other. That's what dating and courtship are for.

Hey, let me pop a couple Ibuprofen, and I'll have that beer!(alcohol gives me headaches) I love beer, but I'd have to become an ibuprofen addict to be able to drink regularly.

Hey you guys,

Didn't mean to insult anyone, it seems that I did, so I'm sorry.

TR

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
--Robert Frost, 1935

LDH

If you have waited until your son OR daughter is 20 to 'encourage birth control' by God take off your rose-colored glasses QUICK!

EMan, I would say from knowing you online, you are a great parent and you have already laid the foundation for a successful adult! There's nothing more you can do now than see if son/daughter learned from you and the Mrs. --or will have to take their knocks and learn the hard way.

Lisa
IMHO Class

Skeptic

My opinion is that shacking up together cheapens the marriage. It sounds rude, but in that situation the girl is an unpaid whore until she gets married.

TR, at least you answered my question about what living together makes the man!

TR, I take it that you are against sex before marriage? After all, if sex while living together makes a woman a whore (a live-in whore), then obviously having sex with her before marriage makes her a whore as well. A whore with a regular customer, but a whore nonetheless.

I strongly disagree with both statements. I think living together before marriage is very important. It gives both a chance to see the good, the bad and the ugly before becoming so legally tied up that it is difficult to leave.

Is it better to live together and find it does not work or get married and find it does not work?

One issue is sex. I followed the Bible most of my life. I was a virgin when I married my first wife. After about the first few months of marriage, I was not allowed sexual intercourse by my wife. For all practical purposes, I spent 17 more years not getting any sex! In the last few months of our marriage, my wife decided she wanted sex. We had sex twice a month. Whoopie!

I cannot describe the immense frustration that causes, nor the stress an incompatible sex life puts on a marriage. And of course, if I ever slept with anyone else, I would be the bad guy right? Well, no I never cheated on my wife. My reward for being faithful to her despite no sex at all was her telling all three of my sons that I cheated on her "many times, with many women, over many years". Two of my sons despise me for cheating on her, and one has forgiven me. So, I ask, what was the point of me staying faithful to her?

So much for the value of a committed marriage, eh?

The other issues are basic compatibility. If a woman dates an abusive man, he will often hide what he is until they are living together or married. He will wait a few months until he feels safe, then the abuse starts.

It is a lot easier for a woman to leave an abusive man when she is not legally entangled with (married to) him than if she is single.

Richard

OUTLAW

Hey E-man,is this a pain in the ass or what?I have my "dad battle scars",well earned I must say.The fact of the matter is,until he establish`s himself in his chosen profession,he can`t really provide a stable life for the two of them.The best thing you can do is speak your mind to your son.Then leave it alone.What ever he decides stick by him.I do this with my adult kids.We stay friends,and the situation dosen`t drive me crazy..OK,it does a little.(LOL).....OUTLAW

She's Leaving Home..Bye Bye..

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