Dear MsGrowinGirl20, they are always giving talks about doubts, and how to ignore them, I remember many of this talks, never paid any attention to them, you shouldn’t either. All I can say to you is that if you are not happy that means that this is not the right place for you.
You don’t need this people to tell you how to live your life. The decisions you take now, will affect your future, you are the one that will have to live with the consequences, not them, so don‘t let them decide for you. If you feel suffocated in a place, it’s a clear sign to leave.
Take all this as a learning experience in your life, and move on. You don’t need to become a bitter apostate, just fade, tell them you are very busy at college, and find new friends and occupations. When the elders call you, tell them you don’t want to speak with them right now, you are busy, keep giving them excuses, you owe them no further explanation. Stick to your family and help your mother as much as you can. Take your cousin with you, explain to him that this is not the truth and that from now on you will both go to another church. Don’t make a drama out of it, just be honest with him about the whole situation, and help him in his own search for the truth.
There are many other churches that you can join, that are not so judgemental, controlling, and where you can serve God and still be your own person.
Please, be brave and leave this liars behind. All the best for your future.
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