If I was still a believer I would wonder "why" and agonise over god's purpose.
That needs repeating for sure! I was in the middle of my cancer struggle when I realized there was no god. And no, the cancer did not make me question the existence of god. The only roll it played was to give me time and quiet to think things through. And when I walked away from faith, I felt so much better. I stopped struggling with how would this fit in with my beliefs. How does god want me to handle this? How can I be a good example to my faith while dealing with the pain? Blah Blah. The pressure was off. It happens. And I didn't have to agonize over how I would handle a blood transfusion should one become necessary. It was unlikely, but I've known people with my type of cancer (which originates in the marrow and affects the blood) who did need transfusions. All of that worry was lifted.
And I started loving life again. When I believed, and I was sick, I really started to hate life. What was the purpose of this transitory state if it only meant sickness. I was perfectly content to just die and pick up where I left off at a later time. Once that was no longer an option, I started gathering all of the good that I had and making it work for me. Life became so precious and beautiful that I no longer wanted to let it go.
Faith was like an infection to me. It weakened me for the fight. It took away the urgency. It stole my will. Now I understand. I have this moment, and that is all I have. And that is not a bad thing, because now this moment is more precious. Nobody stands over me, evaluating my every thought, picking apart my every intention. No. I have this moment, and it means something. A better moment may not come along, so make the best of it, or don't. For the first time, probably in my life, I had true peace. No peace surpasses that of giving up god belief---in my eyes.
Injustices have a greater affect on me too. When I see people suffering, even in my own country, for lack of available medical care, food, education, equality, it really matters. This is their only moment too. God will not be sorting anything out for them. It is up to us. We can be selfish, or we can care in a way that really matters. Saying a prayer does nothing. We don't get to walk away in peace because we have appealed to some god on their behalf. Our peace comes through action.
I was always an empathetic person, but when I walked away from faith, I became more so. I would not go back to believing in a god for anything in this wonderful world. This world is good enough, and bad enough, for me. I wouldn't even return to such nonsense for a cure. I look back on that, and I just cringe. The strength is inside, and when I started looking there, instead of upward, I got stronger. Faith kept me very weak. It kept me from being empowered. It was a crutch that kept me from walking. I wasn't always a JW, so it is not the kind of belief I chose. Faith was an easy out. My new way is not easier, but it is more meaningful.
So I don't hear or feel God. And I couldn't be happier.
NC