For those of you who do not believe in corporal punishment... (page 2)

mrsjones5

Counting to three is effective even with my youngest who has autism. For some reason I'm always surprised it works with him and somewhat relived.

OUTLAW

Corporal Punishment..

....................... ...OUTLAW

I used that stare on a five year old when I worked as a lunchroom monitor. The little girl was refusing to put her tray on the lunchroom table. When I spotted the little darling a teacher's aide was begging the little girl to put the tray down. I positioned myself behind the teacher's aide and gave the little girl the mommie stare. She looked at me, her eyes got a little wider and she put the tray down. I gave her a smile, a nod, and took my leave while the teacher's aide proceeded to profusely thank the little girl for finally putting her tray on the table.

scotoma

The proper answer is "it depends".

Some kids respond to spanking. Some don't. Some respond to time out - some don't. Some respond to a disapproving look - others don't.

A parent needs to pay attention to how the child reacts.

I raised 4 kids (2 boys and 2 girls). I spanked. Lectured. Time out. Commended. Complimented. Rewarded. Gave and witheld privelges. Read scriptures.

They all love me. And they insist nothing I did worked.

Spanking is best if there is real physical danger and either the kid is too young to reason with or there just isn't time to explain at the moment.

mrsjones5

Yes it does depend. What worked for one child may not work for another. How your parents disciplined you may not work for your own children. When folks become parents they really have nothing to go by except what they learned from their own parents and if that style of discipline didn't set well with them it behooves them to search out another way. I did that and I'm sure many others have as well. What I don't like about these topics at the moment is some are trying it "criminalize" those who confess having spanked their children. Yes I spanked. But I didn't do it to hurt my children, to abuse my children, to demoralize my children. I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do according to the situation presented (you can sit in judgement all you like but I take it with a grain if salt cuz none of y'all were there). It didn't last long and I found other effective ways to discipline my children. I have good kids and I take some of the credit for that because I know I'm a good mother.

ShirleyW

Spanking does not promote good habits in children. It traumatizes them

I'm sure there are millions of millions of adults on this planet that were spanked as a child and do not feel traumatized and I am one of them. Needless to say one statement no matter what the subject cannot represent everyone's feelings.

Some kids were spanked for such silly things as just sneezing at the wrong time, that is abuse. I'm referring to being spanked when you did something like disobey your parents after being told time and time again not to do something, and their are other instances as well, when a spanking is warranted, like the statement below.

Spanking is best if there is real physical danger and either the kid is too young to reason with or there just isn't time to explain at the moment.

Glander

The mommy stare only works if there is some kind of respect there in the first place. Consistency and firmness is effective and it gives the child the feeling of security to know that there are borders. As said by others, some kids need discipline of a physical kind. A calm demeanor while administering an open hand pop on the bottom can be very effective and may only be neccessary once.

The worst thing is the inconsistent parent who can't control their own emotions, let alone the childs. Hysterical screaming at minor misbehavior and then baby talk when serious issues arise is a sure way to screw up a kid.

MC RubberMallet

I have a very big family. The first few siblings (up until myself) got ferocious ass whoopins. I will admit, we never got injured or seriously hurt, and most of us deserved it. Talking wasn't working. Punishments? Lol. Those were cool and we had to share bedrooms so we would just have blast, even without TV and such. So we got good spankings all the time. I do have a sister though, who didn't deserve them. She made mistakes but she was very good girl. Even JW's called her corny. It messed her up, and I see it this day. We actually cried for her when we were younger and we heard her getting spanked. It was torturous to listen to because she was a good good kid.

Then the younger half of the family were born. And my parents were tired physically I guess, because they NEVER got whooped. And most of them needed it. Time outs, taking away privileges, punishments, every thing that didn't work for us, they got. It wasnt working. But they were bad. I wanted to crack their asses myself a lot.

Either all got spanked or none did. And we all see a difference NOW. The older half are disciplined in the most important parts of life and can function in society. Of the younger half, the ones that did not need corporal punishment are faring pretty good also. The rest we feel bad for.

My point? Depends on individual.

Some kids need it, some don't. Too many parents don't know the difference. The result is eventually emotionally and mentally scarred adults or out of control ones.

MC RubberMallet

mrsjones, are you my mother?

Lady Lee

When I was a JW I would spank them on the bottom and only on the bottom. That was a step forward from the beatings I used to get from my parents. And I do mean beatings that would leave bruises and huge welts.

What surprised me after a couple of years out was that I was no longer spanking them. As soon as I left I had stopped it. In the long run it never really worked so somehow once I got away from the WTS I had given up on hitting them.

But that did leave me with serious questions about what to do instead of hitting.

One thing I did learn was that yelling didn't work either. But...

if I lowered my voice instead of raising it I had a much better result. I would first have to get their attention which meant getting closer and get in their line of vision and then in a calm but firm voice repeat what I wanted. And then lower my voice even more. That usually worked but the lower voice seemed to have been the key.

When I was taking a course on non-violent restraint sometimes there was no option except to physically restrain someone who was a danger to themselves or others. Believe me this was last resort efforts because when an adult is out of control you really don't want to get that close.. But I won't get into that part of the program but one of the first things we were taught was to lower our voices. One exercise we did at the beginning was to line up face to face with another person. Then we were told to do whatever we thought would work to stop the other person from whatever it was they were doing that was inappropriate and that required no physical contact. So everyone started yelling at the other person talking to them. I just stood there for a couple of seconds listening to them.

The woman opposite me was shorter than be and was looking right at me wondering what I was going to do so I had her attention. I stood there and looked down at her and took one step forward. I didn't say a thing. Just that one step forward while looking at her directly in the eye.

I saw her shrink back in fear.

I felt so bad. I apologized immediately. She was shaking. I don't know if it was the exercise or if I had triggered something in her. But wow that was powerful.

So sometimes we don't have to yell at all. Get their attention step forward and if necessary repeat what you want them to do in a calm but lowered voice. Believe me it seems to work well with adults and children.

One thing I did do with my kids when they were little and fighting was to put them at opposite ends of the room and get them to look at each other. Then they had to take one step forward and keep looking at each other. If they stopped looked they would have to stand there until they were looking at each other again I would draw this out one step at a time. By the time they were in the middle of the room they were laughing and would hug each other. Worked every time when they were little. And my daughter used it on her kids too.

Sometimes nothing works except to isolate. So the corner or a chair beside the wall often worked - but it had to be in the same room and for short periods. A 3 yr old would only have to stay there for 3 minutes. The 4 yr old for 4 minutes. .

I remember when the grandkids were small if you put the older one in the corner often the younger would go stand beside him. Cute but still effective.

Sometimes the only thing to do was put them in their room. My granddaughter went through a period where this was a last resort. They would have to stay for the allotted time but that meant quiet for the allotted time. I tell you it was amazing how long she would scream but she finally got the message and calmed down enough so that it was possible to talk to her.

When I worked with autistic children we often had to restrain them because they would hurt themselves. But getting too close meant you had to restrain them in a way they wouldn't hurt you either. We were taught to get behind them and take hold of one arm with the opposite hand and cross the other arm over the first one. And then sit down on the floor with them in front of you. Speak calmly into their ear but lowering the voice instead of trying to out yell them. Eventually they would want to hear what was being said in their ear and quiet down. Sometimes it took a while but this would work. Sometimes there was no option but to physically restrain them. There kids would smash their heads into the wall of on the floor and serious damage to them could happen very easily and nothing else worked. Ideally we would try everything else other than restraint but we were dealing with kids with serious problems in communication.

For those of you who do not believe in corporal punishment...

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