I believe in Corporal Punishment
And Private Hell, Major Pain, General Mayhem and Colonel Klink. I first met them online in the first Medal of Honor game rooms.
For those of you who do not believe in corporal punishment...
by Chemical Emotions 54 Replies latest jw friends
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still thinking
I shudder at the idea of smacking a child...but I have done it. And it didn't work.
I honestly think smacking is done when we loose control and don't know what else to do. It is a sign of poor parenting skills. I know when I smacked it was not the right response...it was all I had left to do.
I have three children, daughter 19, son 16, son 4 1/2....and each one has a completely different personality. Of course they do, they are human. I think we forget that children deserve us to respect their bodies...we are the ones that teach them that they have value.
My daughter has mild ADHD, no need for medication. But smacking her caused more smacking...she would become defiant if I smacked and would go to great efforts to pretend it didn't hurt and she didn't care. Time out, well, she would destroy her room. Tip everything out of her drawers...scream...and kick the walls. Rewards...worked for a while...but she would cheat ie. star charts...she would find the stars and add them to her chart..she always seemed one step ahead of me. She is also very much an extrovert, our personalities just don't mesh too well...I am an introvert...I found her constant on the go behaviour exhausting. She could not sit still for more than 2 mins. She is such a loving girl, and obviously I am biased, but she is caring and affectionate and I wouldn't trade her for the world.
My first son...complete opposite. Just had to look at him (mummy stare) and he would listen. No smacking, occasional time out...easy peasy.
My second son...well...he's a combination of the two. Time out works well. I don't smack.
What I have discovered with all my children is that consistency is the solution to most of the problems. Say what you mean...and mean what you say. I realised that I was very inconsistent with my daughter...the result...she didn't take me seriously...and she liked to test boundaries, I could not afford my parenting style with her but knew no different. My eldest son is not a boundary pusher and is an introvert so made my parenting skills look great. My second son...I am as consistent as hell...he pushes boundaries...I remain consistent...works a treat...with the occasional time out.
The other thing I would point out as a biggie for children...praise. I look for times to praise my children. It's too easy to be telling them off all the time for what they have done wrong. If you want good behaviour, recognise it and praise it...you'll get more.
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Glander
still thinking - Not sure if I am understanding the word "smack" or "smacking". To me it means slapping a childs face. I would NEVER smack my child or my wife in the face. I am 6'1"and over 200 lbs. That is a comletely different thing, in my mind, to a single 'pop' on the clothed buttocks. My mother would cut a switch from a tree, like a little whip, grab an arm and start us going in a circle running from the sting on our bare legs. I never did that to any of my kids, ever.
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Band on the Run
Ha! I had this dinky job with a bully superviser one summer. They escorted me in a room and acted as tho I committed murder by not having some figures lined up correctly. It was so serious. The bully had to spend an extra five minutes at work. My punishment was meted out. I was laid off from work for one day. I was so happy! You should have seen their faces as I screamed "Yes, I am going to the shore."
I would always choose strategies that did not involve spanking. It only works for so long anyway. Once your kid can whoop you, the punshment is over. One friend kicked her children all over the place. I warned her. In fact, I should have reported her but the ties were long. I tried getting in touch with agencies so she would have phone numbers. It wasn't as easy as I thought. Finally, I told her that I would report her if I knew about it. She responded that it was already over. Her son was now her height. He was liberated.
A lady in W.Va. bragged how she took a switch to her kids. She thought it was the Christian thing to do and could not conceive not doing it. Well, her fourteen year old grabbed the switch and whopped her. End of switchess.
I do believe there are very rare exceptions. When a child is playing with fire, running into the street, flying by with knives, a slapped kid is better than a dead kid. Slapping may not be so onerous. It is on the road to beating, though. We tend to repeat what we learned as children. My rule would be no spanking....with the awareness, that life can't always be controlled.
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still thinking
still thinking - Not sure if I am understanding the word "smack" or "smacking". To me it means slapping a childs face. I would NEVER smack my child or my wife in the face. I am 6'1"and over 200 lbs. That is a comletely different thing, in my mind, to a single 'pop' on the clothed buttocks. My mother would cut a switch from a tree, like a little whip, grab an arm and start us going in a circle running from the sting on our bare legs. I never did that to any of my kids, ever....glander
Hell no! I never smacked them on the face. My mother used to do that to me right up to being a teenager...it was infuriating and humiliating.
Using 'things' to smack children, like switches, belts etc I find disgusting. And I have to say, fathers smacking/hitting children I struggle with too, as they tend to also hit a lot harder than they realise. My ex husband smacked my children only a couple of times and I still remember it...and so do they. And that was on the bottom or leg. Men really don't know their own strength.
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still thinking
Are our children precious to us or not? Seriously...would you find it acceptable to hit anyone else?
I had no idea how to parent with my daughter, why would I....I wasn't parented very well.
As a society we need to stop behaving badly just because that is how it has always been done. If we don't know how else to do it, it is our responsiblity to learn. I got help with my parenting for my daughters sake. I knew smacking was wrong, but had no skills to fall back on. I read every book in the library trying to figure out how to do it differently. But books only help so much...sometimes we need to go to the experts to learn a different approach.
I learnt that it wasn't my daughter that had to change, it was me...and as hard as it was...that is what I did. With a lot of help.
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Chemical Emotions
I just love your posts, still thinking. They almost made me cry (wich, believe it or not, is pretty hard to do). You are very wise imo.
BOTR: I do believe there are very rare exceptions. When a child is playing with fire, running into the street, flying by with knives, a slapped kid is better than a dead kid. Slapping may not be so onerous. It is on the road to beating, though. We tend to repeat what we learned as children. My rule would be no spanking....with the awareness, that life can't always be controlled.
I can understand that. I wouldn't smack a kid after I have him/her under control, BUT I do understand that, like slapping an out-of control, hysterical adult, it may be neccesary if you can't calm the kid down and they are about to harm themselves or someone else greatly.
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JustThatGirl007
If a kid is freaking out, send them to their room. Slapping will only escalate it.
And restraining an autistic child is only necessary when they're having a meltdown (NOT a temper tantrum - HUGE diff) and the question should be: What sent them into a meltdown in the first place?? What did you do to trigger it? Because there is ALWAYS a trigger.
I was an abused kid. Verbal and physical abuse. I try very hard to be different for my kids. I'm not perfect, but I try to do my best and be a better parent than mine were to me. I'm pretty damn successful, too.
For my kids, explanation and reason works very well. When my daughter is throwing a huge fit, she is sent to her room. When my sons (one autistic, one not) are having fits, they get sent to their room. The little one has someone go with him and when he is calm and quiet, then we leave the room. He learns to get himself together, speak kindly, and life can move on. (We aren't always consistent with this, but it does work.)
Have I hit? Yes. But I prefer not to.
In talking with another autistic friend of mine, he said "Restraints are useful. But only when used by your spouse." Think about that one ... ;) lol
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mrsjones5
Joshua, my youngest who is autistic, had another meltdown last night. I know what his trigger is. It's something we've been working for the last few months at home, at school, and at his after school program that he goes to twice a week during the school year. His trigger is he hates to lose at anything. He can't just pay a game, he has to win it. And last night while his friend was over he blew up because he lost his game. A meltdown can involve hitting on his part (which he did not do last night but has done at school) but usually it's a lot of yelling that desolves into prolonged crying.
His friend quickly went home before Joshua could recover and apologize for his actions. I had Josh and his older brother go over to his friend's house to apologize and explain the outburst. Joshua came back feeling better, he still has a friend, and it was over just like that. And no I didn't spank the child for the meltdown.
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Glander
Jonesy, I think you must be a great mom!