Add your favorite JW prayer cliche'

by King Solomon 56 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • mythreesons
    mythreesons

    This thread should be entitled...'castor oil thread!' Caution watch for projectile vomit!

    This one guy used to say the same thing over and over...in every prayer..

    'Jehovah, our loving father in heaven...we come before you lofty throne with humble hearts...please be those cryyying and sighhhhing and looking for a better way of life...' all the will he was up there on stage wobbling like he was rocking himself to sleep in a jerky kind of way.

    Yeah, my eyes were open!

    There was another man, a C.O., who would scrunch up his face so hard I thought he was gonna explode. His eyes and nose and mouth looked like they were all where his nose should be. It was a funny sight for sure!

  • blondie
    blondie

    *** w86 5/15 p. 22 Praying Before Others With a Humble Heart ***When individuals have the opportunity to speak to kings or rulers of this world, they usually do so respectfully and with dignity, highly appreciating the privilege. Should we be less respectful and appreciative when speaking to “the living God and the King to time indefinite”? (Jeremiah 10:10) Of course not. Thus, such expressions as, “Good afternoon, Jehovah” or, “We want to talk to you, Jehovah” are out of place in prayer, as are conversational remarks such as, “How are you today?” “Give our love to Jesus,” or, “Have a nice day.”—Compare Ecclesiastes 5:1, 2.

    Imagine a Christian who negligently falls into the habit of automatically using the same expressions every day when offering thanks to Jehovah. Eventually, the phrases become meaningless. Even the divine name, Jehovah, can be used in this way. True, we are urged to call upon Jehovah’s name. (Psalm 105:1) But if we use that name at the end of almost every sentence in our prayer, then it becomes like a mannerism or an ‘empty repetition.’

    *** w85 6/1 p. 31 Questions From Readers ***

    ? Are there things that we should avoid saying when we pray to Jehovah?

    Yes, there are. We should avoid saying things in our prayers that sound overly familiar and suggest to others (in public prayers) that we are being disrespectful. Such expressions as “Good afternoon, Jehovah” and “Give our love to Jesus” are not fitting, nor are humorous comments or even jokes in our prayers. Why?

  • Lied2NoMore
    Lied2NoMore

    True story: one bro at another hall said the following prayer to start a Sunday meeting: "dear Jehovah, please give us your holy spirit,..amen"

    He serves the congregation I reluctantly go to now as an elder...functionally illiterate but is one of the school overseers.

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    Blondie said:

    "Yes, there are. We should avoid saying things in our prayers that sound overly familiar and suggest to others (in public prayers) that we are being disrespectful. Such expressions as “Good afternoon, Jehovah” and “Give our love to Jesus” are not fitting, nor are humorous comments or even jokes in our prayers. Why?"

    Darn, I wanted to hear why?

    "hey, Jehovah, ever hear the one about a rabbi who walks into a bar.....

    I think I know: gods omniscience means you could never tell him one he'd never heard before, so best not to even try....

    L2NM said:

    True story: one bro at another hall said the following prayer to start a Sunday meeting: "dear Jehovah, please give us your holy spirit,..amen"

    And how would anyone know if he didn't provide Holy Spirit? Ah, never mind.....

  • NewChapter
    NewChapter

    Please help us to sound this information down into our hearts

    Please let your spirit be with those that could not be here tonight, either for physical or spiritual sickness

    That one really annoyed me---like those were the only two reasons.

    NC

  • Simon Morley
    Simon Morley

    I came to hate the long winded prayers late on Sunday afternoon..."thank you for the fins that the fish have...the tiny beaks of the chaffinch....the sun, moon, stars, and especially the very footstool of your divine feet - our home in your celestial city - our dear earth.....we are blessed with being in your presence today, at the end of this fine spirtual banquet, which started with such timely reminders on Friday of how we need to (insert DC theme here)....."

    ARRRRGHHHH!!! I need to get to Swiss Chalet before all these other hungry mouths get there before me and my stomach thinks my throat has been cut!!!!

    Last prayer on the Sunday at the DC was one long clichefest.

  • Lied2NoMore
    Lied2NoMore

    A couple years back a DO actually said in a closing prayer that "the flowers on the stage were available for the friends on a donation basis"...like he broke into commercial mode for a few seconds...I was like REALLY??? please tell me I didn't just hear him say that!!!!

  • freeflyingfaerie
    freeflyingfaerie

    ...we thank you for giving us our "food at the proper time"...

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    L2NM said:

    "A couple years back a DO actually said in a closing prayer that "the flowers on the stage were available for the friends on a donation basis"...like he broke into commercial mode for a few seconds...I was like REALLY??? please tell me I didn't just hear him say that!!!!"

    That is hilarious!! I can hear it now:

    "We interrupt this prayer for a brief word from our sponsor, our good friends at Watchtower Bible and Tract Society! Watchtower, a name you trust, serving up double scoops of fine spiritual food, since 1875! So Ask for it BY NAME!!" .... "Father, we thank you for your undeserved kindness...."

  • tootired2care
    tootired2care

    One time I kid you not, a jackass of jackasses C/O (Loise Razor) during the closing prayer of the circuit assembly spent 1/5 of his long winded diatribe talking about his mothers sickended condition. Totally awkward and innapropriate; no doubt a ploy for extra money.

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