So my Parents Have Stopped Shunning Me - meh!

by cofty 30 Replies latest members private

• 

  cofty

  Apparently illness must count as necessary family business so after 16 years mum and dad have been to visit at home and hospital and now they ring regularly and I get texts to enquire how I'm doing.

  I have been surprised by how underwhelmed I feel about it. My mum even sounded a bit miffed last week when she rang because I haven't rang her for a couple of weeks. WTF!

  They missed my children growing up. My son is in contact with them which I am pleased about, he visited them when he was in the area with his job last week and had a nice time. My daughter views them as a nice old couple rather than grandparents and never bothers to contact them.

  I feel sorry for them, I understand their conflict. I am polite and friendly when they call but there is not the slightest feeling of gratitude or joy that they are talking to me. My feelings could best be described as apathetic.

  Their shunning has backfired.
• 

  Giordano

  I wasn't shunned by my mother but her preoccupation with the 'truth' the brothers and sisters the whole never having to face death belief just put a sour note on every visit. We all made an effort but our relationship stopped being natural.
• 

  leavingwt

  Perhaps in time, some warmness can develop. It is certainly understandable how you would feel a bit underwhelmed by it, after so many years, especially with no apology for their previous treatment of you.
• 

  King Solomon

  Their shunning has backfired.

  It's sad, as it says they don't understand that for most normal people on the Planet, friendships and family relationships containing love actually ARE a two-way street, where reciprocation between individuals equals in power is needed. Relationships need to be cultivated; they don't turn on and off like light switches.

  They don't understand it, as their best "friend" in the whole wide World is an omnipotent Sky God who is emotionally unavailable, quite detached, but not detached enough to not fear He just might squash them like a bug, if they displease Him...

  Of course they don't understand unconditional love, as their definition of "ultimate love" is one that is quite conditional.

  Sad thing is, they actually brag about basking in their Sky God's loving kindness....
• 

  3rdgen

  Cofty, It's such a shame that it took your illness to make them stop shunning you. It is not your fault that you're having a hard time accepting their association now. Best regards
• 

  talesin

  They have realized that you are fragile, and it scares them. You are no longer the 'rebellious son' who wouldn't bow to Jah. Mortality looms.

  I've had the same experience with my mom,,, and the same reaction, Cofty.

  I just . can't . feel . like she really cares. It's too late.

  sorry, man. No matter that we tell ourselves it doesn't matter - it's unnatural.

  tal
• 

  sabastious

  Time heals all wounds, once they have been properly treated. If they continue the association and build upon it you may be able to rekindle old feelings. It's nice to hear Witnesses acting human.

  -Sab
• 

  Etude

  I wasn't shunned by my sisters. Of the two, the youngest actually has left the borg. Nevertheless, we hardly talk where the opposite was always the case. They didn't shun me, but they kept their distance. In a way, that took a toll. Their children on the other hand, shun me completely. Actually, only 3 avoid me, like their mother and the rest explicitly refuse to talk to me. The eldest nephew had the balls to invite me to his wedding, to the ceremony, and then tell me that I couldn't attend the reception. I told him that he didn't have the privilege of choosing for me what I would have or agree to, but that whatever I did was a direct consequence of what he proposed. I didn't go to any of it and I didn't even bother to send him a shitty gift.

  Etude.
• 

  Etude

  cofty:

  I wasn't shunned by my sisters. Of the two, the youngest actually has left the borg. Nevertheless, we hardly talk where the opposite was always the case. They didn't shun me, but they kept their distance. In a way, that took a toll. Their children on the other hand, shun me completely. Actually, only 3 avoid me like their mother and the rest explicitly refuse to talk to me. The eldest nephew had the balls to invite me to his wedding, to the ceremony, and then tell me that I couldn't attend the reception. I told him that he didn't have the privilege of choosing for me what I would have or agree to, but that whatever I did was a direct consequence of what he proposed. I didn't go to any of it and I didn't even bother to send him a shitty gift. Therefore, I empathize with your situation. If my nephews and nieces were to come back and try to make amends, I would be very leery, suspicious and non-emotional about it. I don't think we can replace what was lost, all those years of absence and hurt. It's possible we can start something new, but I would have to let them know that they can't just start where they left off.

  Etude.
• 

  rip van winkle

  The parent child relationship is not only about love, but also trust.

  When they shunned you they betrayed your trust in them.

  After being shunned for 16 years it's understandable that you are apathetic towards them.

  They also missed out on the formative years of their grandchildren. That time is gone forever.

  However, I am glad for you that your parents are trying to keep in touch with you and your children. And that your children hold no ill will towards their grandparents.

  LWT said: Perhaps in time, some warmness can develop. It is certainly understandable how you would feel a bit underwhelmed by it, after so many years, especially with no apology for their previous treatment of you.

  My hope for you is that you will get to hear everything you need to hear from your parents. It's amazing how the words:"I'm Sorry" can help with the process of moving forward.

  My Best Wishes to you, Cofty