by cofty 30 Replies latest members private
Perhaps in time, some warmness can develop. It is certainly understandable how you would feel a bit underwhelmed by it, after so many years, especially with no apology for their previous treatment of you.
LeavingWT, next to Mr. Flipper, you must be the kindest man on the planet!
Cofty, I think you're lack of feeling is normal under the circumstances. I think you're aware that mind controlled people are dangerous and not to be trusted.
Some of the posts on here are really nice.
I think I can understand. Do you think that if their non-shunning continues and they are genuine, you will perhaps feel something more? I'm not saying that I believe you SHOULD feel anything more- I'm just curious.
Maybe they have just matured spiritually and realize that they are not judges. Welcome the contact and develop it. It may be the best thing that ever happens to them.
I have a pretty good idea what you're going through, as I've had the same done to me and my sister.
It's completely natural to feel the distance between you and your parents. They created that distance, and now they're acting as if they never did anything wrong.
It's up to you how you respond to them. There's no right or wrong in this situation.
I wish you well (emotionally as well as health-wise).
how awful to be in hospital - hugs to your and your family from me. It is a tough situation.
I have a sort of opposite situation. My mother and sister did not talk to me for 20 plus years, but when my mother needed more care than my sister could give because she herself was ill, they decided I was Ok to talk with. My mother has been living with me since 2005 and I am totally unable to muster any emotional bond with her. I know most if it is because of her, the way she acts or fails to act. But a great part of it is because of me. Even before I left the JW I knew in my mind and in my heart that when it came down to sides, mom would give me up rather than the religion. After shunning me for so long, even if it was a short amount of time, I could never have any kind of emotional bond with her. The trick was learning that it was only her and other JW, not the vast majority of humanity.
Roberta, isn't that the way? When it's advantageous for them, you are shunned. Where are all the ones who didn't want your mother to speak to you now? Willing to help? Obviously not. It would seem that your sister would insist that Mom live with her, wouldn't it?
Cofty, so sorry you're in this situation. I have to live with life from the other side. When I became a Witness, I put my parents on the back burner, and while I didn't shun them (they were opposed to the JWs) I kept them at arm's length. They were hurt by this to a horrible degree, as now there was no Christmas, birthdays, etc., and the visits were few and far between. Once I left the JWs, dad was already gone, and mother could no longer mentally understand one way or another. I beat myself mentally constantly for this.
I hope that you and your parents can come to some emotionally comfortable place. I know it's hard......
You should tell them you find it hard to forgive that they shunned you for years and cut out your kids from their lives. See what they have to say for themselves. Maybe they regret it too.
The damage that shunning does to families is so tragic.
And so unnecessary.
Sorry you're dealing with this.
Perhaps in time you'll feel differently.
coftty, I'm glad that your parents are speaking to you and showing concern for you, although I understand your reaction to them. It is not easy to restore relationships after so much time and hurt. I feel the same way. If my
sisters wanted to renew our relationship, I'm not sure I could or would want to have anything to do with them. It has been thirty years since we have spoken, except for the times when our partents died. There is too much
water under the bridge, too many years of not knowing what the other was doing. As your mentioned,your parents missed watching your children grow up and all the things that go along with that. It is truly a shame that our family
members have placed the organization above the natural relationship with us, their flesh and blood. It is too much for them to ask us to forget those years that they shunned us. Sometimes it's out of sight out of mind/heart on our
part also. Anyway, I hope things, healthwise, are going well for you.
PHG
