by Meadow36 70 Replies latest jw friends
Kidnap your family with take all savings you have and flee the country to an undisclosed land where you and yours will undergo deprogramming and finally be free to live the (70-90 year) life you deserve in a world thats not ending anytime soon.
Be brave.
Meadow, I feel for what you are going through. They made me beg and beg, they ignored my requests for reinstatement, and it took five or six meetings before they finally relented. Unfortunately, I moved to a new cong. right after being DF'd and it actually made things far more complicated. The new elders had to keep going back to the old ones and I had to meet with both sets. My final reinstatement meeting was with the original group. So I'm not sure whether that's a strategy that would benefit you.
One thing I did emphasize was my personal relationship with God. Right from the first meeting I kept telling them that I knew in my heart that god had forgiven me and was hearing my prayers. My relationship with god was fine, in other words, and nothing they said or did would change that. They, of course, cannot "see" that, so they judge on outward evidence of whether god is blessing you or not. Whatever that could possibly be.
Somehow you have to give visible proof of repentance, too. My problem was that they wanted certain specific things, some of which I was not prepared to do. They wanted me to quit my job - which I lost anyway because I worked with my brother and sister. They wanted me to not have married my wordly husband. They wanted me to not home school my kids so that they could associate with other JWs at school (now how twisted is that?). So they do look at every aspect of your life and they talk to other people to see what you have been saying and doing.
There was a WT study article on the prodigal son that came out while I was DFd. It really focused on how elders should be the ones reaching out - in other words, the father ran with open arms when he saw his son returning, he didn't sit there stony-faced demanding an accounting. I remember having difficulty sitting through that particular meeting, especially when one kind elder who had always been a friend to me put up his hand and emphasized forgiveness and how elders should be welcoming to DFd ones who were trying to return.
If you can find a copy it might have some ideas for you. It might be a good one to even bring along. I don't recall the exact date, somewhere around 1994-1995, I think.
Good luck on your quest. I know how hard it is.
What can I say? I am blown away by this love and support. I even laughed sincerely for the first time is a week. I never thought I could in conection with this. (Ya, Bros probably wouldn't want to wear a flowery dress!!) I'm a drunkard, with four months now of abstinence, the whole thing began by asking for help with my problem. I will take absolutely everything you all have sugested under advisement. Fortunately I am quite the actress. Honestly speaking from my heart and perhaps trying to straighten out some misunderstanding (still respectful, though) was a failure. To stay sober I go to AA and have a sponser it's vitaly important be ve honest with her and no matter how I try to explain to her that it's not cruel ("YOU CAN'T PRAY WITH YOUR CHILDREN???!!!!) it's giving her an even worse impression of JDUBS. Of course I wont dare say that to them. I will have to say that being DF'd helped me get better and try not to vomit. As for the biblical character...Hannah was praying and weeping because she couldn't have a baby and (whoever)came along and thought she was drunk but then he was impessed wth the feeling she brought to her prayers. Maybe I can construct something around that story. Once again - thank you for the hope you have given me. I will pay it forward some day, when a devestated woman walks in an AA meeting, freshly cast out to die under a bridge bottle in hand; and I can do this for her. I will keep you all posted, and I will enjoy shopping for a June Cleaver dress and some "restraining" undergarments. I will be thinking of you all, all day tomorrow. "No One Mourns the Wicked"
Meadow
Good luck to you, dear.
can I ask what exactly you have been DF'ed for a third time?
How hypocritical, considering how many elders are drunkards. At least one of the JC is most likely a functioning alcoholic (two of my JC were well-known drunks).
I have no suggestions that would be any better than the ones above. Stay strong, and one day at a time! xo
there are clearly some other personnel issues you need to be addressing before you put yourself through this huge emotional strain of seeking Reinstatement also. IIR there were some sisters in our old circuit who were such regular attendees of JC's that the elders eventually gave up on them, after all how many reproof's and DFing's does one person really want? You sound like you probably would be more at home in The Children of God or The Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh sect, or The Hare Krishnas
Trying to get back in for family truly sucks big time. There is part of me that genuinely feels for your desperate need. That said, another part of me may have come to the same conclusion your local body of elders has: First develop a back bone, then try to get back in. You do sound kind of pathetic, neither in nor out. You don't need to get back in - you need to get a life.
Also if you are a recovering alcoholic who has relapsed countless times, you would probably need to be completely clean of the evil booze for at least 3 years, proof would need to be shown as well, having to punish yourself to go through their stupid set of games will probably make you fall off the wagon even quicker.
I just want to say congradulations on getting help for your problem with alcoholism. I hope that you continue progressing through AA, regardless of the outcome with the JW/DF situation.
You are a wonderful person, and should hold your head up high.
Regards,
Jim TX
