Getting Back In (yes, its for family) What do I Say on 3rd Try? (page 4)

DesirousOfChange

can I ask what exactly you have been DF'ed for a third time?

I read this as the 3rd attempt to be reinstated, not necessarily the 3rd time DFd.

??????

Doc

OnTheWayOut

Welcome to this forum. Your post number 2 helps a bunch. Your thoughts on Hannah are great. It's your personal choice so you can sell that one better than any other suggestions.

If you want a bit of a shortcut to reinstatement, I will suggest telling them that you can clearly see that the world has so little to offer. Tell them that AA is an extremely poor substitute for Christian fellowship. You see these worldly alcoholics missing the mark and are confident that you can stop going to AA once you have true Christians in your life.

Of course you don't need to stop attending AA in reality. As a matter of fact, you don't need to get your privileges back once you are reinstated. Just don't tell the elders anything once they reinstate you.

undercover

Okay...first of all, you're not a 'drunkard'. You're an alcoholic. There's a difference. Alcoholism is a disease. If you were DFd for that, then it's no different than DFing someone who has cancer, because they have cancer. That's cutting to the chase. It's a much more difficult and intricate situation I know, but the JW view of how to treat someone who is an alcoholic is barbaric and unchristian.

Second - maybe being a JW and that pressure/anxiety is what helped you turn to alcohol to cope. Maybe going back is not in your best personal interests. You're out, you're coping without the stuff. Maybe there's a connection.

And if your family isn't willing to accept you unless you're reinstated, then maybe you don't need their judgemental ways in your life. I'm sure you accept them as they are...why can't they accept you for the hard work you've already done to try to improve yourself? Why do you need the 'blessing' of three men in suits in order to be part of the family again?

Just my .02, for what it's worth

perfect1

undercover

Meadow36

I have to fly to work so I will be brief (such the familiar phrase) - this is indeed my first DFing and last week was my third meeting. I'm uplifted by your suggestion and kind words, (except for Steve 2 - I never said I wasnt pathetic) like I will have abetter day today, me thinks. I will re read every thing tonight so I can keep my eyes on the prize (for my kids, teenage pios, very close to cong. live with me and want to rather than their "in good standing" abusive dad).

No time for spell check or to express my appreciation to each of you individually...until tonight. Bless you all

maisha

Meadow sorry for your stressful situation,

You have received several excellent suggestions which i repeat for you.

Crying, running out, or emotional actions wi not help you at all.

no1: Meeting attendance is the prime factor. DOnt miss any, try to show you want answer at least once every couple of meetings or be seen with your hand up and give a bible based comment if asked, no personal additions.

no2: if you can move congregations DO SO IMMEDIATELY. if you can move and even if you cannot,, try and befriend one of the elders wives on the JC. Specifically if they are like the lead family, (there is ALWAYS a power family that holds more clout than all others). Specifically ask if you would be able to go witnessing or accompany someone in feild service, looking directly at the elder targeted. Tehy are the ones that have extra pride in themselves, they stand out a mile away. This is your secret weapon but will take 3 months work.

no3: Be calm, be relaxed at all times, do not let your emotions get the better of you.

no4: wear something that is modest such as the floral below knee lenght dress.

no5: Your prayers are personal between you and jehovah, we al know that they are not god, therefore it is not their right to ask such things, however you may tel them that you do ask jehovah for forgivness and guidance and sound mind to seek the truth.

no6: Your AA sponsor is important, THEY the JC cannot help you in that regard, they know it too!,, Work with your sponsor and stay sober, chill out relax, knowing that if you just keep going to meetings and nothing else they HAVE to let you back eventually.

no7: LIE - if they put you in a tight spot LIE,, they do and will any chance they get to make you beg, but NEVER BEG!.

IF they dont they have to have a VERY good reason not to, If they turn you donw after this third request, relax,, take a deep breath, know that they are going to be watching your reaction to see what you do and say about them. NEVER TALK YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS TO ANY OTHER WITNESS,,, i mean that nicely,, but you must know that they have spies trying to guage your thinking, you may be surprised who they are even.

at home, at work, wherever you are never say anything against the JC members, that is why it is good if you are able to move, as the new elders can see you meek and attendig meetings, it takes away any biased decisions against you.

The third time is not going to be easy, I would be good for you to get a letter from your AA sponsor to verify that you are changed and attending reguluar meetings. i goes to show you are making changes.

hang in there,, it is a time thing, unless there is a personal issue or grudge being held against you, hence, MOVE ASAP IF THEY TURN YOU DOWN.

OnTheWayOut

And please try to understand that there are many here who would never consider faking it and going back to gain "fellowship." Their advice can be sound for them and people who agree with them, but they have to understand that you are in a different place.

maisha

Just addition sorry,

Peter and david are the examples you should use,

DOnt seek time witnessing with your family, seek out the elders wife. always act meek with her accepting HER lead...

Dont talk about your personal issues at all with her, keep it simple stupid... kiss

cheers

jookbeard

Maisha , DF'ed ones hands are never ever accepted , one could have thier hand up for every single question asked all meeting and still their hand wouldn't be accepted, even marked ones are not accepted, when I was marked my hand wasn't even accepted if it was the only solitary hand in the entire hall, unless times have changed, a rather churlish suggesting TBH and a suggestion that will be met with angst by the elders who will in all likely hood request you not stick your hand up in any meeting whatsoever, and whilst in her DF'ed state agian it would be highly foolish to seek friendship from elders wives or anyone for that matter, dont forget a DF'ed person is held in a lower social class then a convicted , repented rapist or child abuser.Maisha you are either a troll or dont know WTS rules very well, probably best you steer clear giving advice on this thread.

loading

I TOTALLY know what you're going through. (as in coming back for the second time for family). It sucks so much! Lots of good advice already posted. I'm actually going to use some of it myself. This time, I'm not going to open my big mouth and tell the elders as I have zero respect for them anymore.

Getting Back In (yes, its for family) What do I Say on 3rd Try?

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