Coping With Atheism (Long-ish Post...sorry!)

by humblepotato 72 Replies latest jw friends

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  humblepotato

  Hello everyone!

  Long time lurker (2009-ish), first time poster. First of all, I want to say thank you everyone who contributes to these boards and provokes stimulating conversations and thought processes. All the opinions and different perspectives are very enlightening. (No matter how crazy some of them are!)

  Anyways, a little about myself. I serve as a ministerial servant and as the accounts servant in a congregation that I've been in for 3 years now. I moved there when I married a girl I met in Pioneer School. (My Kingdom Hall was hosting the school. I never pioneered, she was the one doing all the work!) The Circuit Oveerseer practically set us up. He introduced us and he thought we'd be good for each other. (This was 4 years ago and I wasn't even serving at the time!) He was just, an overall, really nice, down-to-earth guy. He is no longer serving in the circuit work, he stepped down to get a real job. But anyhow, my wife and I remain close friends with him and his wife, and we call each other and talk often.

  Now, I had read Ray Franz books before meeting this girl. And I was very confused. I went to an elder I trusted, and he "snatched me from the fire" (Jude 22,23) and set me straight. (That's another story!) He also asked the Circuit Overseer to talk to me as well. The CO came into the truth in his 20's and told me about his experience with 30 Years a Watchtower Slave. (Also another story!) Anyways, these were (and still are) two of the smartest men I have ever known. (They weren't your ordinary, run-of-the-mill, janitorial elders.) They acknowledged that the WTBS had it's problems... but that we needed to muscle through the "golden calves" of the organization to get to "the promised land."

  Fine. Good enough for me!

  Then I got married. The elder whom I talked to about my doubts gave our wedding talk 6 months later. And the CO (still serving in our circuit) attended. In fact, we rearranged our wedding dates to work with his Circuit schedule. (I know that might seem really stupid to some of you, but we really loved them, and so we did it, and it was no big deal for us.)

  Once we got married, "privileges" came at me faster than I could keep up! Sound, Stage, and Mics were dumped on me the first week, then a month later I was assigned as a Watchtower and CBS reader, and I was put on the schedule to pray at the meetings. (Which I felt really bad about because there were brothers who had been in that congregation their whole lives and hadn't got to do any of that stuff!) Sometime later, I was given the congregation accounts, made a service group assistant, then finally, a Ministerial Servant.

  As you can see, I was kept busy for a 25 year old kid! But then I had a part about blood. And that's when I "re-awoke". I thought, 'Wait a minute...this is nuts. I could NEVER deny my wife (or future child) medical care or a blood transfusion. Just because of a few shaky scriptures? And one of them was because Paul was condemning pagan rituals to false gods that involved "eating" (or drinking) blood!'

  Well...it snowballed from there. Since then, I re-delved back into Ray's books. Read more and more about science, the history of religion (and the WBTS), even reading sites like this, jwstruggle, and freeminds. Bart Ehrman was also a huge breath of fresh air for me as well.

  Anyways, the more I research, and the more I use my own thinking ability; I don't believe there is a God. (It took me a couple years to reach that conclusion.) I WANT, so badly, to believe in a God... and I keep looking for shreds of evidence that he exists (or if he does exist...that he cares about us). No, I can't tell you where the universe came from...but neither can you tell me where God came from!

  When I believed the JW religion hook, line, and sinker...the promise of a paradise was a comfort I held dear throughout my entire life. Then when I was transitioning, I felt maybe the WT was just wrong and heaven was a very real possibility. Not as good as the paradise...but it was something! Now... life feels so short, bleak, and finite.

  I know some of you here are atheists, some even having previously believed in God, or even the JW religion. How did you cope knowing that there was no eternal reward? No afterlife? How do you view your life now? Do you live your life differently? That's where I'm at now. I'm trapped in a JW religion that I know is complete BS. But I have very little hope that my hardcore wife will wake up. I don't know what to do or where to turn. (I'm barely coming to grips with atheism!)

  So, any tips for realizing that this life is all we have?

  Just listening to Dust In The Wind by Kansas the other day brought me to tears! (I'm a sap, I know!) Anyways. Sorry for the long post, and to those of you who stuck it out till the end, thank you. You get a gold star!

  humblepotato
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  FayeDunaway

  HP I didn't come to the same conclusion as you about God, but I so appreciate your post, you are a good potato!! :) and I feel your frustration, having to go through the motions and having a believing wife. It's not at all easy. I love your personality.

  For me, I did not stop believing in God, so to reconcile evolution and some problems i had with biblical passages, I became a nonfundamentalist Christian. It's really freeing.

  If you choose atheism, you just have to live your life the best you can and make peace with that. I could have been a happy atheist I think, but in the process of leaving the religion I found Christ.
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  millie210

  humblepotato,

  A big welcome to you!

  I am not an atheist, more leaning to agnostic at this point but I do agree that the JW religion is complete BS!

  In fact, religions in general are a broken and corrupt concept as far as I can tell.

  So Im glad you are here and there are a lot of people that will come along and be able to help you with your questions Im sure.

  Great taste in music by the way!
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  cappytan

  I WANT, so badly, to believe in a God... and I keep looking for shreds of evidence that he exists (or if he does exist...that he cares about us). No, I can't tell you where the universe came from...but neither can you tell me where God came from!

  I know EXACTLY this feeling. I call it the Mulder effect.

  

  How did you cope knowing that there was no eternal reward? No afterlife? How do you view your life now? Do you live your life differently?

  Honestly, man, when I was waking up, I was having very scary suicidal thoughts. Wanted a quick trip to paradise. Convinced myself that Jehovah would forgive me because he's a reader of hearts and he knows what I'm going through.

  Once I let go of the belief in God, I started to feel much more centered and treasured the little time I had left on this planet. It's hard to let go of. For a few weeks I had nagging doubts that I was being stupid.

  But eventually a calm and peace set in.

  I realized that I couldn't definitively know if there was a God or not. I did know that there was no evidence of God. So, you have to be okay with saying, "I don't know." We're trained as Witnesses that there are answers for every question, when that just isn't true.

  I also realized that in the extreme remote and unlikely chance that there is some kind of God, what better motive for being a moral person and treating my neighbors and earth with love and care could there be than doing so because it's what you WANT to do? Surely, being a moral person because it's what you WANT to do is a far better motive than doing it for some reward or out of "fear of God."

  
  
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  FayeDunaway

  Cappy I TOTALLY agree with you on that.
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  freemindfade

  Welcome. Before I was an atheist I feared the idea a bit. I could go into many reasons why I would and even others fear it, bottom line, when you are born in and raised believing otherwise, the prospects are scary. For me I first became agnostic. Then an atheist friend told me "you know what agnostic is? an atheist without balls" we both laughed, but I was always concerned life on that side would be empty, dark, and sad.

  Well... I had to become an atheist all the way, really accepting that, yes indeed this is it, and through some other life experiences I won't get into, I found that actually life (I only speak for me) was much more beautiful on this side. Much much happier, much more at peace, much more loving and tolerant.

  Often to we put religion up against atheism as a opposite side, when it not really. Atheism is not a religion. one of the best ways I heard it described once, and even some atheist would say this is not true, but it was said like this;

  "Lack of belief in a god, is not a CLAIM that there is no god"

  You need to be allowed to not believe. I Claim there is no YHWH the desert god based on what I observe, but "god" could be a broad vague term, who knows, if Aliens landed tomorrow and said yea, we planted you @$$holes here a long time ago, well, we may have not believed that, but it would completely change our idea of reality. It would be new evidence of origin, what I am getting at is that Atheist strictly base their beliefs on evidence, and usually pretty conclusive evidence; ie I can't disprove god, but i also can't prove him, so why would I ever insist he exists??? I don't believe in him until I see him.

  But coping, everyone is different I guess, for me the atheism side is beautiful. I love people more, I hold much more value on my time, I think little of my own suffering, pain or otherwise (no more persecution complex) I just take the beauty that is life and enjoy it. Atheists have everything to live for. Again just my thoughts but I hope it helps.

  If you see it all the way through, you may go from coping with atheism to enjoying it
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  cofty

  Hi Humblepotato welcome to the forum.

  Believers often assume that people become atheists because they want to reject responsibility to a deity. As your post demonstrates that is far from true.

  I admit it took me a while to adjust to the fact that our lives are finite. Be patient with yourself. Your heart will catch up with your head in it's own time.

  Reality is amazing.
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  DJS

  HP,

  First things first. We really need to get you out of this cult. Ok, now back to your OP. Take your time re: your theism is what I would say. Upon exiting the Borg over 20 years ago I researched and evaluated what it was in ME that allowed me to be controlled by the Dark Lords. I spent years conducting a methodical analysis of religion, the bible, god, the Borg and me.

  I was a theist, then an agnostic, then an atheist leaning agnostic, then an atheist. I wasn't in any hurry - there wasn't any need to be. As far as thinking or worrying about any afterlife or paradise, I think that took care of itself based on the process. By the end of the journey I was kind of like this scene from Forrest Gump:

  “That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I’d run to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I’d just run across Greenbow County. And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I’d just run across the great state of Alabama. And that’s what I did. I ran clear across Alabama. For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I’d gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I’d gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going.

  Forrest with background voice while running through the desert: "I had run for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours."

  [he stops and turns around]

  Young Man Running: "Quiet, quiet! He’s gonna say something!"

  Forrest: "I’m pretty tired… I think I’ll go home now."

  Potato, that's what atheism was to me. A non-event. I'm home.
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  Finkelstein

  Welcome to the forum HumblePotato

  You said .... I'm trapped in a JW religion that I know is complete BS. But I have very little hope that my hardcore wife will wake up. I don't know what to do or where to turn. (I'm barely coming to grips with atheism!)

  Perhaps you can drop incidental bits of information about the history of this religious publishing house and connect that with actual bible scriptures and words spoken by Jesus Christ.

  There is much in the bible what he spoke about false prophets and how to identify one.

  The Watchtower Corporation has very much been a commercialized false prophet as you are probably aware by now. How is it possible to come under the grace of Jesus, when your participating and supporting a false prophet ?

  As far as being a atheist, well that might actually be immersing oneself in the truth but there are some obvious redeemable good things that certain Christian faiths actively participate in .

  I'm an atheist and I can see that for myself without an organization pointing it out.

  Kind of a stuff go when you are married to someone who's deeply engaged into the JW religion .

  So you have my sympathies, perhaps a slow information to the reality of what the WTS is might resolve your problem ...... take care nevertheless.
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  done4good

  Welcome, humblepotato and good post.

  If there is one piece of information I would offer, it us that you should not feel pressured into coming to conclusions too soon. It is quite enough in the beginning to unlearn the lies you were taught by the WTS. This in of itself will help you develop the proper lines of reasoning needed to ask questions as you experience life, since now you are able to think for yourself. Btw, I am an atheist today. I just did not come to this conclusion overnight.

  Like yourself, I read Ehrman, Dawkins, both of Ray's books, lots of religious history, lots of history, biology, etc. In fact, most of that I read within the first two years of leaving. I was still an agnostic at best. If anything, I would say learning physics played the biggest part for me in allowing myself to accept atheism. This was in 2011, a whole 5 1/2 years after I left.

  My point is, I probably had enough information long before I understood anything about relativity or quantum mechanics to become an atheist. For me, being a big picture thinker, I could not commit until then. I believed there were still too many unanswered questions. My simple point in all of this is, you will know when your questions are answered to satisfaction, and that is when your existentialism will ease. This process is automatic if you just let it happen.

  So keep questioning, and keep an open mind.

  d4g