I WANT, so badly, to believe in a God... and I keep looking for shreds of evidence that he exists (or if he does exist...that he cares about us).
Hi HP,
When I left, I came close to atheism but turned back to (Deism at least) in college. But I didn't embrace Christ until I understood how God deals with sin through judgment. That realization was such a epiphany to me. He could of course have made sin impossible or he could judge sin. God chose to judge sin instead of making it impossible, thus preserving free will. Then he gave his only begotten who agreed to "become sin for us" in our stead. He loves us that much.
Many will argue that to allow a sinful world to continue is unkind. This of course would mean our non-existence. I personally have a hard time with that thought. It seems like giving up to me. I like victories. I like over-coming obstacles. There is much victory in Christ. I've sen it.
I find the world fascinating. The flowers, the trees, sunshine, various landscapes, the beach, cool breezes, the magnitude of the coding in DNA, physical characteristics of the universe, and good friends and family. There are a number of things in our world that is out of whack too.
However, God says there is no such thing as a true atheist. Romans 1:20 - For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made.
God explains why some people claim to be atheist too:
Romans 1: 19 - For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.
People, including myself in the past suppressed the truth about God's existence. It is certainly easy to see why people do this because of the many people who misrepresent God and the hurt they have caused others in the exercise of their error. However, ALL people know God exists deep down.
Some people will claim that this God who supposedly doesn't exist is guilty of rape, slavery, and all sorts of terrible things. I researched all of the claims made by those that don't like God and have found satisfying answers to most of them. Christian Think Tank and CARM does a fair job of refuting most of these kinds of claims against God.
Suppression is a psychological tool the mind uses as an emotional regulation strategy. Many religiously abused people associate God with dictatorial control. I have personally found a tremendous freedom in Christ and much fatherly love (gentle discipline too). Others have not experienced this in God because they haven't made friends with him through the blood (covenant) of Christ. Our works are utterly useless in making friends with God.
Bart Ehrman once had his charismatic youth group leader use a bottle of hotel shampoo to ‘anoint’ his dying father, and tried to persuade his father to confess specific sins” (“Former Fundamentalist ‘Debunks’ Bible,” CNN, May 15, 2009). Ehrman says he was angry at the man for acting “self-righteous” and “hypocritical.” This event, though, does not reflect negatively on a biblicist faith. It simply proves that this youth leader was a misguided man. The Bible does not instruct us to anoint people with shampoo.
Anger at God may be seen as displaced aggression in my opinion as well, which is common in people as well as animals.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. Welcome to the board. All the best on your journey!
- Perry