Coping With Atheism (Long-ish Post...sorry!) (page 2)

done4good

Good post, DJS. Always liked that movie.

d4g

OnTheWayOut

Sound, Stage, and Mics were dumped on me the first week, then a month later I was assigned as a Watchtower and CBS reader, and I was put on the schedule to pray at the meetings. (Which I felt really bad about because there were brothers who had been in that congregation their whole lives and hadn't got to do any of that stuff!)

REALLY? Everywhere I went, they couldn't hand those assignments out fast enough to any baptized males, young or old. They might have taken away reading the Watchtower if the "brother" wasn't tolerable, but the rest of that is ordinary privileges. Why do you suppose your congregation is so different on that?

Anyway, I think I get what you are saying. While I don't say anything like "coping with atheism," you concerns are similar to what I went through. Jehovah supposedly saved my life (long story) and gave me a purpose. But to come to the realization that He wasn't even there threw me back into a depression over issues I avoided from before I was a JW. It took me time and serious soul-searching. I went to counseling, but it wasn't over the atheism, rather it was over those issues.

For atheism, I read many books and watched many videos. Everyone has to find their own path, so enjoy it rather than "cope" with it. My wife is not "hardcore" in many ways, but she does seem to be in the JW's for the longhaul, so I have to cope with that also. I slowly shifted to more freedom to be myself and ran into some snags with my wife. I honestly think I would have divorced her and had nothing else to do with JW's were it not for the need to try to keep contact with my JW mother, so I faded out from the congregation. Don't get me wrong- I love my wife. It's just that I might have thought both of us would be happier if we went through all the pain of divergent paths all at once. Since that did not happen, we have learned to be happy and not discuss religion and beliefs. I don't really say anything to her about being atheist, but I am sure she knows.

OnTheWayOut

Oh, I will suggest one thing for your coping with atheism. Nothing helped me more than youtubes of George Carlin's thoughts on God and religion.

Phizzy

Doing without god, i.e "coping", in the words of the O.P. is so much easier when you actually come to realise that god does not exist.

Coping with that is no more difficult than coping with the non-existence of Pink Unicorns with Purple Spots.

Now, if you are the kind of person who feels the need for an imaginary Sky Daddy, you may have to address the reason why you are so immature in outlook.

But growing up into a rational adult is not so bad.

humblepotato

Thank you every one for your replies and responses! It's strange... but I already feel a tiny bit better! (And to think...I was TERRIFIED to post here, for fear I might get caught!)

@FayeDunaway you know a good potato when you see one!

@millie210 Thank you for the welcome. I do listen to more than JUST the Kingdom Songs! lol

@cappytan Nice to know someone understands me! Thought I was alone in that! Whew....

@freemindfade "If you see it all the way through, you may go from coping with atheism to enjoying it." That is reassuring to know. Because it is not at all enjoyable right now...

@cofty "Be patient with yourself. Your heart will catch up with your head in it's own ." Thanks cofty, I look forward to that time when my heart and mind are in sync.

@DJS Great illustration! I love that movie!

@Finkelstein I think you're right. That's probably the best way to handle it. Hopefully I can create enough cracks to make her wake up on her own.

@done4good Thank you for the welcome. I will do that!

@OnTheWayOut Almost every brother who shows up to a meeting here or there has sound, stage, and mics. But to read and to pray? Whoa now... slow down! This BOE in my new congregation is very particular... and strange. I think, at the time, I was the only non-servant who got to read. Now the reading list is made up of only appointed men. But, we are Midwesterners, after all, so maybe that has something to do with it? I don't know! But good advice on the cope=enjoy point . Good luck with your wife and your mother!

I'm really glad I posted this topic. I think I see now that it is just going to take some time. ugh... oh well, what can you do?

stan livedeath

hi spud

i thought i was reading my own life story then. except it all happened over 40 years ago for me. teenage pioneer servant--married at 20--wife expecting 3 years later--then the blood decision hit me--and i faced the fact i never had believed in a god--just a left over from ancient primitive man. i was only in it because i was brought up in it and did it all to please others.

so i quit.

Nathan Natas

Hey Spud-nik,

I'm an atheist; welcome to the frying pan!

Here's something you might find is an easy way to increase the burden of doubt in your mind - watch a few season's worth of Animal Planet's "MONSTERS INSIDE ME". They are up to season 5, I think. In short, it is a layman's course in the subject of PARASITISM, which is Nature's Way of saying, "Fuck you and your imaginary friend!"

You may want to keep a puke bucket close at hand while you watch, unless you've got a really strong stomach, in which case you can let the puke bucket sit six feet away.

Here's a link: http://www.animalplanet.com/tv-shows/monsters-inside-me/

Share the shows with your wife. Ask probing questions like, "How do these things fit in with god's glorious plan?" "What purpose would such vile creatures serve in Paradise?" "Should we not care that other creatures suffer and die with parasites, even if we humans were spared?"

Share your puke bucket with her, demonstrate the divine quality of empathy.

Giordano

My wife and I faded away back in the 1960's. For the first couple of years we concentrated on getting our lives in order, more education as we had one piss poor HS diploma between us. Spent our college years pioneering where the need was great.

The Blood issue was the first thing I realized was wrong followed by Armageddon. Two beliefs that made no sense at all. Throw those out and the only thing you have left are a few friends and family members. It's no longer the 'truth'.

One of the biggest mistakes we see on a site like this is people who have learned TTATT over a period of time rush to confront their mate about all of the stuff that is wrong about being a JW. The Mate is not ready, doesn't want to hear about your new truth and often feels deeply wounded that the person they married, the 'loyal witness'...... isn't.

I recommend that you do a slow fade since your wife will need time to adjust to the new you. Be very attentive to her needs and sense of well being. Your goal should be a successful fade.

A successful fade means that you preserve your marriage and your sanity and learn to play the long game in life.

But you need a reason for the change of heart, skipped field service and meetings.

I think the very best approach is to study up on the JW pedophile controversy. Just Google that subject and pick and choose from the leading news media. Never share anything from the so called apostate sites. Try this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKFThyNKU1w

While It is not the policy of the Society to protect pedophiles the unintended result is that the 'two witness rule' does not allow the Elders to do anything if the accused pedophile says they are innocent unless there is a second witness to the act. They also will allow the accused or repentant JW to have access to the congregation and field service. If they change KH's the letter that is sent does not mention the issue that came up.

So if you start to miss a meeting here or there, FS. Approach your wife and tell her what you discovered, simply tell her that this issue has really troubled you. Apparently it has been going on for a long time and the Society has had to settle out of court on a number of cases.

Stay with that position until she has made the adjustment to the new you. That way your argument is not attacking her faith or the Society.

You have just been stumbled.

humblepotato

Thank you guys!

@Nathan Natas I've ALWAYS wondered about stuff like that. Like, what's up with that God? I will check some of that stuff out.

@Giordano I think that's an excellent bit of advice. (Especially since the family has experienced pedophilia trauma by an elder in the past.) It might hit home. Hopefully that will start to break away at some of the indoctrination.

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement!

haha, "encouragement"... I'm still using Watchtower lingo!

problemaddict 2

Blood was my wake up a few years ago. Disfellowshipping finally got my wife out in the last year.

Its different for everyone. I am like you in that i seemed to be around the "good" JW's. Even handed guys, that i could talk real with, and that were loyal but also seemed reasonable. But they are the minority. the super minority. All it took was one run in with some Pharisaical elder JW, and for the branch to stand by this guy to no end, for me to say...oh yeah.....I was around some unique people but that doesn't represent what is ACTUALLY taught.

Your wife is your priority. I think the sex abuse cover ups and blood "stumbling" you are a good way to go with your wife. Like Giordano said, let her get used to it. Then start fading. You really need to think about her, how you can communicate with her, and eventually she will have her own journey. Don't have kids until it is settled....and then.....have some. They are great! They give you a totally different sense of purpose. they connect you to the past and future. they are your immortality. Not some fairy land.

I am agnostic and leaning atheist. i find the thought of death hard to bear. But I'm working on it.

Coping With Atheism (Long-ish Post...sorry!)

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